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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unfair for not having a party for my son when he turns 6 next week?

103 replies

Heathermoorland · 08/10/2024 15:51

He’s had two big birthday parties - one when he turned 4 and one when he turned 5.
When he turned 4 we had a bouncy castle in a hall party and invited all his nursery friends plus a few from outside school. When he turned 5 last year we invited all his reception class, that was a soft play one.

I said next year he can choose a few friends to go bowling or something, but this year we’re just having a meal with family.

OP posts:
passthehobnobsplease · 08/10/2024 15:54

What are your reasons for not doing a party this year?

Durdledore · 08/10/2024 15:55

Aw give the poor lad a little party with a few of his friends.

Catza · 08/10/2024 15:55

Speaking as someone who always had a family meal for a birthday celebration, I don't see what's unfair about not having a party with all bells and whistles. I know they became ubiquitous lately but they were not a thing when I was growing up. I can only remember two occasions when I had a small selection of friends over for birthday lunch. One was around the age of 8 and another at 14. Otherwise, we always spent time with family and still gather for each other's birthdays.

Tupperwarefan · 08/10/2024 15:55

I've never had big parties for my children but I know a lot of people do...which is great...I can't afford them! I think a family meal is nice...but how about letting him invite a friend home from school for tea and a play?

Dotto · 08/10/2024 15:55

It's absolutely fine, most children don't get a big party every year

isthismylifenow · 08/10/2024 15:55

Of course not OP. It's only recently that I hear of children having a party every single year.

A family meal sounds perfect. It is exactly what we would do, and the birthday person would get to choose where we would eat.

bluepinkgrey · 08/10/2024 15:56

Assuming it’s not financial I think it’s unreasonable, sorry.

You get what, maybe eight kiddie birthday parties in a child’s lifetime? Seems a shame to miss one ‘just because.’

irregularegular · 08/10/2024 15:57

Does he want a party? 6 is peak age for proper party games and birthday tea so it seems a shame not to unless there's a good reason. It doesn't have to be big at all!

Lincoln24 · 08/10/2024 15:58

I think you've chosen the worst year not to have a party! At 4 and even 5 they're not too bothered or if they are, they move on quickly. At 7 you can start the small group parties. At 6 it can really matter to them and they are old enough to understand they're missing out. Is he bothered?

Vettrianofan · 08/10/2024 16:00

DS4 got to invite one friend from school for a day out to soft play, DS3 got the same this year. Low key as we are going on holiday soon.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can still let them invite a friend for a day out to a climbing arena/bowling?

Mistysunshine · 08/10/2024 16:02

Couldn't you have a few of his friends over for a birthday tea, cake and games? It doesn't have to be big but, at 6, he'd probably love a celebration with his friends- unless he'd prefer the family meal anyway?

doodleschnoodle · 08/10/2024 16:03

Does he want a party?

doodleschnoodle · 08/10/2024 16:06

Personally if my DC wanted a party then I would be guided by that, and I factor in a party as part of the overall birthday budget. Not every party has to be some 30-kid soft play monstrosity costing hundreds, despite what some threads on here may lead you to believe. But my DD1 loves having a party and we won't have that many of them before she's out of the kid party stage forever, so I embrace it!

Her best pal doesn't ever want a party as she finds them overwhelming so she doesn't ever have one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/10/2024 16:07

irregularegular · 08/10/2024 15:57

Does he want a party? 6 is peak age for proper party games and birthday tea so it seems a shame not to unless there's a good reason. It doesn't have to be big at all!

I agree with this! I’d have a party that you can afford for him and his friends. 6 is the age when they probably appreciate it most of all ages.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/10/2024 16:08

I’d do it instead of the meal if that was the only option.

PennyNotWise · 08/10/2024 16:09

I’d say if he’s not bothered, do whatever you like! It never used to be the norm to have a big party every year, not sure why it’s needed!

User364837 · 08/10/2024 16:09

I think there’s a middle ground between whole class party in a hall… and no party. I also think 6 is peak birthday party enjoyment age! So yes yabu. I think all of mine at 6 at a party at home

Procrastinates · 08/10/2024 16:11

I agree with a previous poster that 6 is probably the best age for a party and it seems strange to do one at 4 and 5 and not 6.

If he wanted a party I would definitely try to make it happen. From 7 most children do small group activities so it's not like you're setting the expectation of a party every year.

Suzuki70 · 08/10/2024 16:12

We offered DS a theme park weekend or 2 hour party for his 6th next month and he picked the party which should tell you how they feel about parties at this age.

I8toys · 08/10/2024 16:12

Just have a small party at home - few friends, cake, balloons - its really not difficult. Doesn't have to be costly.

QuacketyQuack · 08/10/2024 16:14

Gosh don't listen to these weird folk! DONT feel pressured to give him a party. It's really not the end of the world. Doesn't need to have a party every year. It's a lot of effort and expense

Procrastinates · 08/10/2024 16:16

QuacketyQuack · 08/10/2024 16:14

Gosh don't listen to these weird folk! DONT feel pressured to give him a party. It's really not the end of the world. Doesn't need to have a party every year. It's a lot of effort and expense

Why are people who disagree weird?

Parties don't have to be expensive, I'd argue most at home parties are vastly cheaper than a family meal out to be honest.

Anonym00se · 08/10/2024 16:16

We used to alternate between big party one year, and two or three close friends round for birthday tea the next, or a special day out.

Unfortunately special days out seem to be a weekly event for children these days so probably not as special any more.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 08/10/2024 16:17

Just what every 6 year old wants for their birthday. A meal 🤣🤣

irregularegular · 08/10/2024 16:20

Procrastinates · 08/10/2024 16:16

Why are people who disagree weird?

Parties don't have to be expensive, I'd argue most at home parties are vastly cheaper than a family meal out to be honest.

Edited
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Definitely!