Am I unfair for not having a party for my son when he turns 6 next week?

[Heathermoorland]

He’s had two big birthday parties - one when he turned 4 and one when he turned 5.
When he turned 4 we had a bouncy castle in a hall party and invited all his nursery friends plus a few from outside school. When he turned 5 last year we invited all his reception class, that was a soft play one.

I said next year he can choose a few friends to go bowling or something, but this year we’re just having a meal with family.

I don't think we were all supposed to know it was financial issues when last year they paid for a full class at soft play. It was initially very much presented as having done it twice and wanting a year off organising.

Parties are about the birthday person.

Does he want a meal out or would he prefer friends over for tea?

most children won't remember any of their birthday parties when they're much older.

Unless that's just my two....luckily I've got photographs to prove they did.

A common cheap birthday party at my DDs school is at the closest park afterschool. There is an Aldi a few min walk away so it’s usually a big multipack of crisps, haribos, cupcakes and flavoured water. The kids run around playing football, swings etc.. some parents bring balloons some don’t.

i know the time of year isn’t ideal weather wise but it’s an idea if you have a park close by to look at doing something like this.

Ds is a little older but one of his friends had a kick about in the park and the mum made pizzas at home that they ate in between games

@Heathermoorland a day out with a friend sounds like a great idea, I'm sure he'll love it. It sounds like you've planned lots of special touches for his birthday too, he'll have a great time.

My dds 10 and 12 remember all their parties from about 4/5 onwards including the birthday cake and key events that happened .. they were quite a big part of their childhood. And they remember a lot of parties they’ve been to. Maybe they are just party kids!

I would do a party if your ds wants one. It doesn’t have to be huge and expensive. If he wants a day out instead that’s obviously great - he can choose.

We’ll be doing the trampoline place on the weekend after his birthday with a friend, maybe two, and a meal out after school on his actual birthday day.

Based on many many parties the thing that matters to the birthday kid is everyone singing happy birthday and the cake.
It doesn't matter if it's a £5 cake from Tesco, something the mum has made or a crazy price one from a bakery. The child's face is the same. All lit up and proud.
See if you can have a small cake and candles with his friend. Likely others will join in and sing too. You can then take a photo. He'll remember the cake not how many were there.

Not unreasonable to not have a big whole class party. But maybe just 2-3 friends for a play and tea? Make a pin the tail on the donkey and play some music and dance in the living room.

I would say that the meal is more for the grown ups. He might like the money from the meal spent on a cheaper visit to a cafe and more money to have an extra friend at trampolining.

His grandparents are paying for the meal, so I’ll feel bad saying no to the meal itself but asking for the money instead.
I was going to take a cake and get them to bring it out at the meal , sing happy birthday and blow out the candles. I might get another smaller one for the trampoline place with his friend too.

My DP thinks a family meal on his birthday is pretty normal, but then again he’s not a 6 year old boy anymore!

I've been to a few very inexpensive 4-5-6 yo park/ playground parties where a few bowls or sweets, crisps, balloons and blowing bubbles plus running around like mad things plus a cake created a nice feeling of occasion with pretty minimal outlay.
That's what I would do.

I’m not sure you can rely on British weather for the park in mid October! We live in the north too. Might be different if he had a summer birthday.

I think this is wrong. At least have a few friends round for tea, minimal cost.

@Oblomov24
You may not have read my post update, I’m taking a friend (maybe two) to a trampoline place the weekend after his birthday.

We always had parties every year (it’s only once a year!). It was usually just friends invited to the house, with a few games- it hardly broke the bank (we weren’t very well off).

It’s a special day. What child would pick a meal out with family over having friends to play?! 🥳

@ObieJoyful You may not have read my post update, I’m taking a friend (maybe two) to a trampoline place the weekend after his birthday.

Sorry- cross posted. Good idea, OP!

But still doing the meal on the actual birthday as his grandparents are coming and we’ve already planned it with them (they’re paying)

No don’t say maybe two op!!

You’ve been bullied into this. One friend is a perfectly lovely outing for a six year olds birthday. It’s not like he hasn’t had parties before and won’t have them again, and if funds are tight it’s perfectly ok to have a year where things are scaled back. If anything he’ll probably love it more and it will teach him a valuable lesson about how to find happiness in life.

Please do not feel guilty in any way about what you are planning to do.

This.

Parties aren't necessary. We just had dinner at home with a cake. Dinner was usually pancakes. At much older ages than six.

My son turned six this year and we booked a family day to a local amusement park which took the majority of his birthday budget. He took sweets to school for his friends on his birthday. He's not been traumatised by it - quite the opposite in fact - not doing a party every year is absolutely okay OP!!