Am I unfair for not having a party for my son when he turns 6 next week?

[Heathermoorland]

He’s had two big birthday parties - one when he turned 4 and one when he turned 5.
When he turned 4 we had a bouncy castle in a hall party and invited all his nursery friends plus a few from outside school. When he turned 5 last year we invited all his reception class, that was a soft play one.

I said next year he can choose a few friends to go bowling or something, but this year we’re just having a meal with family.

You haven’t said what your son wants so it’s impossible to know for sure whether you are being unreasonable. But no 6 year old I know would choose a family meal over doing something fun with friends so I suspect YABU. It’s his birthday. Do
something he will enjoy.

Have to admit OP i don't get why you'd do a party at age 4 (when tbh most kids are quite overwhelmed by a party and don't have proper friendships yet anyway) but not at age 6 when they are properly settled into infants, get hugely excited about parties, and really play with other children!
Young children don't find a meal out exciting (unless its McDonald's!) - thats something for the adults, thats what you and the grandparents would enjoy, not your child, and on that basis i think its a tiny bit selfish.
It doesn't have to cost any more than a meal out - 4 or 5 little mates over, few party games, play with some balloons, little cake. If you can afford a family meal out its not about the money.

Does he want a meal? A tea party at home with a few friends would be much cheaper than a meal. Unless he's actually asked for a meal instead.

If I could afford a party I'd do a party for a 6yo (AND a family meal).

But the question of whether YABU depends on why there's no party

It’s a bit harsh at 6, I wouldn’t have done the party at 4 and done one for 6th birthday instead. After that it does migrate to small birthday gatherings more.

But it’s entirely up to you - do just be aware that as his birthday is early in the year I wouldn’t be banking on too many party invites and you’ll be the one having to explain to him when he comes home from school knowing he wasn’t invited. It shouldn’t happen that way but we have found it is those that invite that tend to get the invites in return.

Why is it relevant that you had a party two years ago? That doesn't help in the here and now.

A meal out is more for the parents. Kids want a party!

This seems so mean - just invite some friends over for games, tea and birthday cake. He’s still a small child - show him he’s special and encourage his friendships.

I think you should give him the choice since it’s his birthday. Does he want the family meal or the bowling trip with a few friends. You would be unreasonable to choose for him. If he picks the meal great. But I don’t know many 6 year olds that would prefer that over bowling with their pals

Yanbu. It's madness how all kids expect a big party every year. We never had parties outside the home when I was a kid!

I didn't start parties until age 6!!

But YANBU to do a family meal.

Have one at home with 5 friends and do old fashioned party games! They will love it!

To be fair no one has said it had to be a big party, so I'm not sure why some posters have said big parties are unnecessary. At 6 I'm sure he will be perfectly happy with a party at home.

Nobody is saying you should do one every year, it's just a shame not to do one in a "You've already had your allotted party allowance" way, at peak party age 6.
We've already said to DS this is the only large group party he'll get.

Don't be ridiculous

I would have some kind of special event - it could be a tea and games at home or it might be trampolining and a burger / pizza with a few friends but I would do something. 6 is peak party time - mine really started to want sleepovers and theme parks by about 10

@Heathermoorland

party at home, probably (sadly the last year they'll enjoy a proper party games type party. Doesn't need to be all the kids! Just don't invite the whole class except a couple. Less than half the class or all of them!.

Why is that ridiculous? That’s a genuine question.

If it is that financially a party would place a family under pressure absolutely don’t do one. But if you can I think most children do really enjoy them. So it seems a shame not to.

KS1 is big party era if you can afford it and DS wants one, medium parties lower KS2, upper KS2 - High School select friends for an activity / sleepover / hang out.

We can’t afford a party this year and it still seems the trend to invite the entire class.

Does he want a party? Why not just do a small one if so? Can be just him and a few friends doing something. Don't go into debt for it though if that's an issue! You can always just invite them round for party tea and to play computer games or something. Have a cake and junk food and they'll be happy.

And our house is way too small to accommodate the class or even just a few friends.

We’re still going to make it special for him - I’ve got him a giant inflatable number 6 balloon, a space themed happy birthday banner (he loves space) and sweets to share out with his friends at school, as he’ll be there on his birthday. Plus a big badge that says birthday boy that he can wear.

Not being able to afford it is different. But he could still have a couple of friends around, musical bumps, pass the parcel and a little cake. It doesn't have to cost loads of be all or nothing.

Or take 3 children to the soft play area and get tea for them

You don't have to follow the herd though! Just invite a few friends round for a birthday tea.

Then that’s completely fair enough.