Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to go on this holiday?

127 replies

Broccoliandcarrots · 08/10/2024 13:49

DH is French, and all his family live in France. We have always visited them 3-6 times a year. We have 2 DC, who will be aged 5, and just turned 2.

It has been proposed that we all (MIL, her 3 children and their families) go away together for MIL’s big milestone birthday this coming Easter holidays. A particular destination in France was floated at the end of the summer holidays, just as an idea, because it “seems nice” and “we’ve never been there before”, and we initially said “mmm, sounds lovely”, but then the next day we looked up our travel options and realised it would be very difficult and expensive for us to get there from England, whereas it's fairly easy for the rest of them to get there. However, MIL, SIL and BIL did not take this on board despite us telling them, and they are now all adamant it absolutely has to be this destination and saying they will be really disappointed if we don't come. MIL has even offered to pay for our travel (which will be about 4-5 times dearer than what it normally costs us to travel to France). Here are the reasons we don’t want to go:

  • No direct flights at all from the UK outside of summer
  • Our travel options involve a combination of plane, train and ferry as foot passengers, but every option we've found would take two full days, with either a hotel stay at the airport or overnight ferry, at least 3 connections/different modes of transport, and involve either an extremely early start (5am) or extremely late arrival (1am)
  • The idea of spending 2 full days travelling on trains, planes and ferries with a 2 year old makes me want to jump out of a window. We regularly do trips to France that take 1 whole day of travel, but 2 days feels like too much.
  • There is only 4 days’ overlap between the French and English school holidays this Easter. This means, when you take away the travel time, it will leave us with one full day and two half days to spend all together.

I just do not think it’s worth all that palaver to spend less than 2 full days together, when there are so many other lovely destinations in France or elsewhere in Europe that would be easy for all of us to get to. We'd be happy to go pretty much anywhere else in France, we'd also be happy to go to this destination in the summer, when there are direct flights from England, and we’d also be happy to sit this one out, but MIL is adamant it has to be there, it has to be Easter, and she really wants us to come.

YABU – it’s not that much effort, and it will be worth it to make MIL happy
YANBU – that’s a massive effort, and not worth it for 2 days all together

OP posts:
ToriMJ · 08/10/2024 13:50

Just say no.
It's too much.

SleepToad · 08/10/2024 13:51

Personally with young kids it would be a definite no. But where on earth in France is it Corsica?

Broccoliandcarrots · 08/10/2024 13:52

SleepToad · 08/10/2024 13:51

Personally with young kids it would be a definite no. But where on earth in France is it Corsica?

Haha yes, it is Corsica

OP posts:
SoDemure · 08/10/2024 13:52

Can your DH go on his own?

coxesorangepippin · 08/10/2024 13:53

It's a no from me

Also, you go to France 3-6 time per year???! OMG

Broccoliandcarrots · 08/10/2024 13:53

SoDemure · 08/10/2024 13:52

Can your DH go on his own?

He suggested that, but MIL wants all of us to go

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 08/10/2024 13:54

but MIL is adamant it has to be there, it has to be Easter, and she really wants us to come.

^

😂

Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 08/10/2024 13:54

Sadly mil will have to lump it.

Bearbookagainandagain · 08/10/2024 14:00

I have had similar issues with family holidays, it's just not feasible.
I wouldn't even entertain the idea that you don't "want" to go. It's not possible for you to reach that destination in April given all the constraints you've mentioned.

Dampfnudeln · 08/10/2024 14:06

coxesorangepippin · 08/10/2024 13:53

It's a no from me

Also, you go to France 3-6 time per year???! OMG

I visit my family in England at least 3 times a year, and have done since DC were tiny. But if a long weekend in a far flung, inaccessible corner of the UK was proposed, it would also be a no thank you from me.

toomuchfaff · 08/10/2024 14:06

It's an invite, not a court summons.

Ah am so very sorry we will have to give it a miss, it's just not feasible for us, I hope you lot have an amazing time!

Broccoliandcarrots · 08/10/2024 14:07

Bearbookagainandagain · 08/10/2024 14:00

I have had similar issues with family holidays, it's just not feasible.
I wouldn't even entertain the idea that you don't "want" to go. It's not possible for you to reach that destination in April given all the constraints you've mentioned.

That's a good point... it's not that we don't want to go, in fact I'd love to go - if we could teleport there!

OP posts:
TiramisuThief · 08/10/2024 14:09

Agree with PP

"MIL, we would absolutely love to come, Corsica looks stunning. But the travel options from the UK at that time of year will mean we are not able to join you. We're so disappointed."

biscuitcat · 08/10/2024 14:11

It just doesn't sound feasible at all, you're right. It sounds like they can easily have two of Easter/Corsica/you and your family, and they need to pick which two are the most important - if it were me I'd get DH to pass that along in a tactful way and see where it went from there!

EmmaStone · 08/10/2024 14:13

Are there indirect flights available? Could you fly to somewhere in France then travel onwards with them? This is a special birthday, I'd make some allowances personally (but obviosuly that would be my choice, you're under no oligation).

Gymnopedie · 08/10/2024 14:17

What are DH's thoughts? In your OP you said 'we' don't want to go. If DH is on board let him deal with it.

BIossomtoes · 08/10/2024 14:17

Given that my Dil blew out my last big birthday and I was gutted, I was all ready to say you were being unreasonable but you’re absolutely not. Either they change the location or you can’t go.

JustMarriedBecca · 08/10/2024 14:18

You can fly to Nice direct from the UK and then get a ferry as a foot passenger. It's not a two day event. Even at Easter.

Yes it's an invitation not a summons but your kids can miss school for a day or two. Depending on when their birthday is, they might not even have to be in legally if they are 5.

And given this is a landmark birthday, I would make it happen.

You don't know how much longer everyone will be able to get together.

Sparrow7 · 08/10/2024 14:21

TiramisuThief · 08/10/2024 14:09

Agree with PP

"MIL, we would absolutely love to come, Corsica looks stunning. But the travel options from the UK at that time of year will mean we are not able to join you. We're so disappointed."

This is perfect

TheFlis · 08/10/2024 14:22

JustMarriedBecca · 08/10/2024 14:18

You can fly to Nice direct from the UK and then get a ferry as a foot passenger. It's not a two day event. Even at Easter.

Yes it's an invitation not a summons but your kids can miss school for a day or two. Depending on when their birthday is, they might not even have to be in legally if they are 5.

And given this is a landmark birthday, I would make it happen.

You don't know how much longer everyone will be able to get together.

A quick Google suggests the ferry takes 6-7 hours and there is only one a day out of peak season which I imagine the OP wouldn’t make if flying from the UK the same day.

Broccoliandcarrots · 08/10/2024 14:23

EmmaStone · 08/10/2024 14:13

Are there indirect flights available? Could you fly to somewhere in France then travel onwards with them? This is a special birthday, I'd make some allowances personally (but obviosuly that would be my choice, you're under no oligation).

Yes, one of the options is to take two flights, but even indirect flights would still mean staying in a hotel overnight at the airport on the outbound and return journey, due to very inconvenient flight times, so it would still be across two days.

OP posts:
everythingcrossed · 08/10/2024 14:27

Lots of ferries to Corsica leave from Italy rather than France (including, I think, short rides from Sardinia). Could this be an option?

Overthebow · 08/10/2024 14:28

No that does sound too much, especially since there are so many other more accessible destinations. Could you say to them that you'd love to come but won't be able to go to that location due to there not being adequate travel options, but you'll definitely be up for it if it was a different location. Then leave up to them to decide.

Sugargliderwombat · 08/10/2024 14:30

You can fly to Sardinia and get a quick ferry, if that's any help at all.

IsThePopeCatholic · 08/10/2024 14:38

MIL sounds a bit entitled. Tell your belle-mere it’s too much.

Swipe left for the next trending thread