AIBU to not want to go on this holiday?

[Broccoliandcarrots]

DH is French, and all his family live in France. We have always visited them 3-6 times a year. We have 2 DC, who will be aged 5, and just turned 2.

It has been proposed that we all (MIL, her 3 children and their families) go away together for MIL’s big milestone birthday this coming Easter holidays. A particular destination in France was floated at the end of the summer holidays, just as an idea, because it “seems nice” and “we’ve never been there before”, and we initially said “mmm, sounds lovely”, but then the next day we looked up our travel options and realised it would be very difficult and expensive for us to get there from England, whereas it's fairly easy for the rest of them to get there. However, MIL, SIL and BIL did not take this on board despite us telling them, and they are now all adamant it absolutely has to be this destination and saying they will be really disappointed if we don't come. MIL has even offered to pay for our travel (which will be about 4-5 times dearer than what it normally costs us to travel to France). Here are the reasons we don’t want to go:

• No direct flights at all from the UK outside of summer
• Our travel options involve a combination of plane, train and ferry as foot passengers, but every option we've found would take two full days, with either a hotel stay at the airport or overnight ferry, at least 3 connections/different modes of transport, and involve either an extremely early start (5am) or extremely late arrival (1am)
• The idea of spending 2 full days travelling on trains, planes and ferries with a 2 year old makes me want to jump out of a window. We regularly do trips to France that take 1 whole day of travel, but 2 days feels like too much.
• There is only 4 days’ overlap between the French and English school holidays this Easter. This means, when you take away the travel time, it will leave us with one full day and two half days to spend all together.

I just do not think it’s worth all that palaver to spend less than 2 full days together, when there are so many other lovely destinations in France or elsewhere in Europe that would be easy for all of us to get to. We'd be happy to go pretty much anywhere else in France, we'd also be happy to go to this destination in the summer, when there are direct flights from England, and we’d also be happy to sit this one out, but MIL is adamant it has to be there, it has to be Easter, and she really wants us to come.

YABU – it’s not that much effort, and it will be worth it to make MIL happy
YANBU – that’s a massive effort, and not worth it for 2 days all together

Re-writing history to suggest that the Op and her husband dont leave the house is plainly facile.
They visit regularly and have done for many years. The Op's husband has offered to attend with their eldest child and that isnt enough. They wont change the venue.

Guilt tripping family members doesn't go down well in my book - but clearly some people enjoy a bit of a power play.

Why do people arrange things that are nearly impossible for others to do and then insist that they come....? Selfish to the extreme IMO.
If you really want someone present at an event, make it somewhere that's easier for them. Why does everything have to be a bloody test!

Come on. I mean if you don't want to leave your house /nor/and shop at the nearest tesco/asda/waitrose, never answer your door, or phone or email, or step outside your house, at least have the grace to say so.

Now, you're being ridiculous.

Actually no, I don't need any tips on getting there, thank you. We have looked into every possible route/travel combination we can think of from our home. As I've mentioned, we are both very experienced at traveling to and around France, so you're just going to have to trust me that there is no way to shorten or simplify the journey (for example, flying from a different airport would significantly add to our journey time).

And yes, there are some indirect flights from some airports that are 4 hours in total, but the journey from our house to those airports, and the times of departure/arrival, make them impractical/would necessitate an overnight stay at the airport before or after.

Several people have suggested going to the ILs' earlier... we have considered that, or travelling to Corsica a week early (possibly meeting MIL there), but we'd still only see the SILs, BILs and cousins for two days because we'd have to leave to get back in time for the start of the school term, so the outbound journey would be more spread out, but the return journey would still be a bit of a marathon.

It’s a no from me. 4 days round trip is way too much. They either want you their or not, as someone else said they can’t have all 3: you guys attending, Easter AND Corsica. Their mix and match approach isn’t reasonable. I can’t imagine demanding people travel for 2 days to a random location of my choosing

Which is your nearest airport @Broccoliandcarrots?

Maybe the more experienced travellers on here can help with some suggestions? I had a look at flights from Manchester and they are a bit of a ball ache, most with two changes.

@Oblomov24

You seem set to not want to go already though.

Quite the contrary. I was excited at the idea, until we researched in depth, for hours all the different travel options. We have been traveling to France regularly for over 10 years, including when the children were babies, including during covid (when we had to take authorised covid tests and quarantine at both ends - with a baby), to all sorts of places in France, for various uncles' birthdays, cousins' weddings, extended family get-togethers etc. We've gone by every mode and combination of transport possible. I can assure you, we do not have a "can't do attitude".

I thought the 2 days original claim by Op had been disputed. Another poster found a 4 hour flight and posted the screenshot, or so I thought.

The 4 hour flight times don't take into account travel to the airport (the closest airports to me do not have a 4 hour flight time lol), getting to the airport sufficiently in advance, and getting to the accommodation on the other side, nor the departure/arrival times of the flights (eg. an 8am departure from an airport 3 hours away would require us to leave our house at 3am or earlier (don't forget toilet stops/stops for travel sickness etc. with the kids) - OR stay overnight at the airport. Likewise, an arrival time of 22:30 - an hour to get through passport control and baggage reclaim (with two tired and likely overwrought children) - means getting home at 2am, or staying overnight at the airport (we've got a toddler - we don't get enough sleep at the best of times, there is no way I want either of us to be driving at 2am after a whole day of travel).

Like OK, I suppose yes, we COULD do it. If it was for a wedding or a funeral, or a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to the other side of the world (where we'd get lots of rest once we got there) then we could summon our energy, fill up on Monster, wrangle the kids until our backs are breaking and then drive through the night to get there. But the question I wanted answering here was, is all that effort worth it for 2 days?

I suppose, if I'm honest with myself, the question is also: is it worth going to all that effort for people who are unwilling to consider any compromise whatsoever to make things easier for us, when we've given multiple suggestions ourselves.

Alright I was only teasing about not leaving the house. I had grasped that op goes to France regularly.

I knew this would be Corsica

But the question I wanted answering here was, is all that effort worth it for 2 days?
I suppose, if I'm honest with myself, the question is also: is it worth going to all that effort for people who are unwilling to consider any compromise whatsoever to make things easier for us, when we've given multiple suggestions ourselves.

I don't know why some posters seem to be determined to out you as a liar OP. You've clearly considered all the travel options.

No, it's not worth the effort for 2 days. And if they get pissy with you just throw it back that they chose the location knowing how difficult it was going to be for you to go so it's on them.

There's more to this than meets the eye. This goes deeper? Previous mil hurt? Family members not respecting you generally?

My mil was lovely, totally lovely. I was blessed. All her grandchildren called her Nanny 2 dogs, then she later became Nanny Seaside. Used to make me laugh hearing them, when they were little : which nanny? Nanny Seaside of course! Oh, right.

I don't live London i live yorkshire but all I am saying is it can be done you can get a b and b for 65 a night near Gatwick i looked other day

I would say to my Mil that it's just too complicated with the children but that you will send her son over to be with them. End of story.

Could you go for a bit longer and raw kids out for school last couple of days of term?

Dear MIL

we would love to come, but our limit is 24 hrs of traveling with small dc. If youcan find a route for us that is24 hrs or less, we will seriously consider it

put the work on her…

I think the problem is it was misleading to describe it as "2 days" of travel, which people not unreasonably interpreted as 2 full days. It really isn't, it's less than 24 hours.

However, it wouldn't be unreasonable to consider that as too much hassle for a few days away with young children, when there are clearly easier alternatives. If you don't think you could make it worthwhile by turning it into a longer holiday (which is I think what I would do, especially as the travel is being paid for) then I think it is fine to say no (after making other reasonable suggestions).

You can get to pretty much anywhere in the world, bar some parts of Australia, in two days. Probably even 18 hours if you throw money at it. That doesn’t mean you have to, particularly when you’re dragging around young children to a destination that is entirely flexible. Why are they so entrenched on Corsica when it would be so difficult for you to get there? My MIL would never make such a big ask of her grandbabies.

Too much. If the destination had huge sentimental attachement then i could see why they asked but even then I wouldnt go.

If they claim to be disappointed reply "we are so disappointed you are set on a location we cant get to, we would have loved to celebrate with you and now we cant"

What a weird turn this thread has taken. Obviously it’s possible to get to anywhere in Corsica from anywhere in the UK without it being the equivalent of an arctic expedition, but equally there are factors that mean it could still be arduous enough for it to be entirely reasonable to say no.

Never been to Corsica, but I’ve been to Sardinia several times and, no, not everywhere is max an hour’s drive from any airport. Bigger island, but it’s more the terrain and infrastructure that makes journey times lengthy there and I can well imagine that being the case for Corsica too. That’s just for starters.

I also think op deserves a medal for all the trips to France. My dh is from another European country and I put my foot down about multiple family-focused trips annnually years ago. I realised I was intensely envious of the other British people on the flight who were presumably going off to enjoy a holiday of their choosing and not sitting in other people’s homes in places where there was nothing to see or do the whole time!

I'm normally the first to say "of course you should go", but this just seems too hard with such young kids.

Everyone wants to be Columbo, don’t they? I don’t understand the obsession with trying to prove the OP wrong. Who gives a fuck if you can make it there from your particular spot in the UK in a shorter period of time, the OP can’t and that should suffice.

The 4 hour flight times don't take into account travel to the airport (the closest airports to me do not have a 4 hour flight time lol), getting to the airport sufficiently in advance, and getting to the accommodation on the other side, nor the departure/arrival times of the flights (eg. an 8am departure from an airport 3 hours away would require us to leave our house at 3am or earlier (don't forget toilet stops/stops for travel sickness etc. with the kids) - OR stay overnight at the airport. Likewise, an arrival time of 22:30 - an hour to get through passport control and baggage reclaim (with two tired and likely overwrought children) - means getting home at 2am, or staying overnight at the airport (we've got a toddler - we don't get enough sleep at the best of times, there is no way I want either of us to be driving at 2am after a whole day of travel).

@Broccoliandcarrots I'm not sure why some posters keep challenging you about this. The travel sounds a complete PITA.

Just thank them for the invitation and say that you would have loved to join them if the destination had been less arduous to get to and please stop guilt tripping us the answer is still no

Those posts appear to be answering a question the op never asked and then admonishing her for being difficult. Weird.

Well, exactly. Disappointment goes both ways