AIBU to not want to go on this holiday?

[Broccoliandcarrots]

DH is French, and all his family live in France. We have always visited them 3-6 times a year. We have 2 DC, who will be aged 5, and just turned 2.

It has been proposed that we all (MIL, her 3 children and their families) go away together for MIL’s big milestone birthday this coming Easter holidays. A particular destination in France was floated at the end of the summer holidays, just as an idea, because it “seems nice” and “we’ve never been there before”, and we initially said “mmm, sounds lovely”, but then the next day we looked up our travel options and realised it would be very difficult and expensive for us to get there from England, whereas it's fairly easy for the rest of them to get there. However, MIL, SIL and BIL did not take this on board despite us telling them, and they are now all adamant it absolutely has to be this destination and saying they will be really disappointed if we don't come. MIL has even offered to pay for our travel (which will be about 4-5 times dearer than what it normally costs us to travel to France). Here are the reasons we don’t want to go:

• No direct flights at all from the UK outside of summer
• Our travel options involve a combination of plane, train and ferry as foot passengers, but every option we've found would take two full days, with either a hotel stay at the airport or overnight ferry, at least 3 connections/different modes of transport, and involve either an extremely early start (5am) or extremely late arrival (1am)
• The idea of spending 2 full days travelling on trains, planes and ferries with a 2 year old makes me want to jump out of a window. We regularly do trips to France that take 1 whole day of travel, but 2 days feels like too much.
• There is only 4 days’ overlap between the French and English school holidays this Easter. This means, when you take away the travel time, it will leave us with one full day and two half days to spend all together.

I just do not think it’s worth all that palaver to spend less than 2 full days together, when there are so many other lovely destinations in France or elsewhere in Europe that would be easy for all of us to get to. We'd be happy to go pretty much anywhere else in France, we'd also be happy to go to this destination in the summer, when there are direct flights from England, and we’d also be happy to sit this one out, but MIL is adamant it has to be there, it has to be Easter, and she really wants us to come.

YABU – it’s not that much effort, and it will be worth it to make MIL happy
YANBU – that’s a massive effort, and not worth it for 2 days all together

This. If you don't want to go then fine but don't pretend you do want to go but can't physically get there if it isn't the case. Even from the Shetlands you can get there in 18 hours (which is still a really long time but I'm presuming if you lived somewhere obscure as that you may have mentioned it in your OP). The fact you won't say where you're from (no one is asking for a postcode but surely you can say if you live north west/cumbria/scottish highlands etc) tells everyone that you don't want any help or tips on getting there.

Massive assumption that the OP lives near London.

DD flew from Heathrow the other week. Due to living in the North of England she had to stay in London the night before her morning flight.

@Oblomov24 you really don't think it is a hassle to travel for two days with two small children using different forms of transport for just a two day stay? I wouldn't want to do it, and not do the majority of posters on this thread. Are you always this unaware?

Just because you enjoy it doesn't mean the OP will. She isn't you.

Sounds like they've got very used to you making the effort.

We have sometimes had similar from inlaws.

BIL organised a wedding anniversary lunch for PIL on a Thursday and was surprised that that was an issue (we live over 200 miles away). DH went and DD and I followed on the Friday for the weekend. I wasn't going to force DD to miss what she had on, for the sake of a pub lunch that could easily have been on a Saturday.

These things are going to happen when families live a distance away. I should add that BIL + family have visited us twice in a decade whereas we drive up there several times a year! And there is no universe in which BIL would prioritise something I'd organised over his commitments.

I got a lot of push back but I don't respond well to guilt tripping.

Sorry, meant to add that I celebrated my 50th a month later as then it fell into half term (lots of kids involved). A celebration is a celebration. A date's a date. I'd never prioritise a specific date over having people I lie there! It's rather nice to extend birthdays. You get more gifts 😃.

I like

Those of you saying that the OP just doesn't want to go and is making excuses, have missed 2 points:

1. She has 2 very small children & it doesn't matter how much anyone likes travelling, 4 days of airports/ferries etc with 2 young children will be unpleasant.
2. The school holidays don't align, so she can't just extend the holiday & spend a few days getting there and back - as the OP has said, even if she gets there and back via the shortest route possible, she'll only be able to stay in Corsica for a day.

In these situations, I just think to myself "no one can actually physically force me on the plane", and then I don't bother arguing with anyone about it, I just don't talk to them about it any more. If they mention it, I either just say "yeah, sounds lovely but we can't get there" and then change the subject. Basically, I don't give them a chance to argue me into going.

Can't you travel and stay with family for a few days and then all travel to Corsica together? Same on the way back.

The Op travels to france 3-6 times a year and has done throughout the time her children have been alive. I would suggest she ignore any posters hinting that she is too lazy to travel. Particularly if they are not currently at the arse end of travelling with kids (the toddler years).

Given your usual willingness to travel, the fact that you specifically asked them not to chose this destination, and that your husband has offered to travel alone, I think your MIL accept your decision this time. You can plan a lovely dinner/day out for your next visit.

If I were mischievous I would propose a trip to the Isle of Skye for your next big birthday! It would only be two days of travel from France I expect.

Yanbu at all if it's genuinely 2 days travel each way but this seems a bit mad - flights from various UK airports to Nice are frequent and fast and there's loads of ferries. Unless it takes you a full day to get to your nearest international airport it seems like your 2 day estimate is an overstatement.

But no, in any case, if the earliest you can get there, assuming setting off the minute your DCs are released from school on the last day of term, is only the day before the rest of the families leave and you'll arrive exhausted and incapable of interacting with anyone then it's ridiculous to go.

If two days travel is the only option I wouldn’t go for such a short period.

We previously looked at Corsica and the flights were London via Frankfurt (5ish hours each way) plus obviously getting to the airport etc but that’s negligible.. however upon arrival we didn’t want car hire and all the resorts we looked at were to the south of the island. It just felt too much hassle for a week.

Agree with other posters. You just say you cannot do it due to lack of direct flights with children of your age. They either change the destination or accept you are unable to join from the UK. They have to decide whether having all 4 families together is the priority OR whether going to Corsica is.

Just had a look and you can fly from London to corsica in Easter time no need for ferries etc so maybe need to stay london for one night but it can ve done skyscanner shows me this

I looked too - no direct flights, average travel time was 8hours, excluding travel to and from the airport, which could add 2 hours at either end, plus the 2-3 hours waiting at the airport - so 16-18hours of travel with small children unless do a sleep over midway? There is no way this is reasonable.

It's funny how people are trying to come up with solutions, yet none of the solutions appear to offer anything different or better to what she has described in the op - unless she happens to live in London, which I'm guessing she doesn't given she has already looked into it...

Op, yanbu. It's not worth it.

Presumably it’s relatively easy to get to PIL as you go 3-6 times a year, so go there a free days before, then do the relatively easy trip the rest off the way with them.

Argh this is so selfish of MIL! You’ll have to say no. She shouldn’t put you in this position.

Massive assumption that the OP lives in or near London.

Why do posters keep posting about flights from London? This board is so London centric sometimes.

@RampantIvy
I thought the 2 days original claim by Op had been disputed. She made it sound like a bear grylls / krypton factor / 15 day expedition with 2 ferries and no connecting flights. Another poster found a 4 hour flight and posted the screenshot, or so I thought. Making a drama out of a crisis me thinks, non?

We don't know what part of the UK the OP lives in or how far she is from an airport that does convenient flights, so for all we know it is a massive deal to do this trip. We also don't know what her DC are like for travelling.

If I had a morning flight from a London airport I would have to stay overnight because I live several hours away. It can't be that difficult to imagine what a ball ache it is for some people for just a two day stay.

The OP isn't you.

Not sure the drama is coming from the Op.

The Op and her husband should be free to say 'We cant make it this time, we will see you in X' - and for there to be no comeback. Particularly where they have specifically asked if the trip could be made more accessible and been ignored.

They have given lots of notice and the MIL is free to go ahead with her plans or not.

Plus, what about a taxi.
I've been Corsica and Sardina and many other islands. Most are actually quite small. (Isn't Cuba one of the biggest?) .

Which place is op flying into, where is the hotel/villa from there? Most islands are actually quite small and it only takes an hour taxi from most airports to hotel mostly. 1.5 hours sometimes, not normally more than a 2 hour taxi trip, at very worst. For many destinations.

Come on. I mean if you don't want to leave your house /nor/and shop at the nearest tesco/asda/waitrose, never answer your door, or phone or email, or step outside your house, at least have the grace to say so.

We aren't talking about a 24 day excursion to Antarctica here!!

"Come on. I mean if you don't want to leave your house /nor/and shop at the nearest tesco/asda/waitrose, never answer your door, or phone or email, or step outside your house, at least have the grace to say so. "

They visit his family in France 3-6 times a year.

Here you go then - 5hrs 25 minutes from Manchester.

Obviously if OP lives somewhere where it takes hours of travel to get to any airport then any destination will be problematic.

"The OP isn't you."

True. Here-eth ends all debate.