AIBU to not want to go on this holiday?

[Broccoliandcarrots]

DH is French, and all his family live in France. We have always visited them 3-6 times a year. We have 2 DC, who will be aged 5, and just turned 2.

It has been proposed that we all (MIL, her 3 children and their families) go away together for MIL’s big milestone birthday this coming Easter holidays. A particular destination in France was floated at the end of the summer holidays, just as an idea, because it “seems nice” and “we’ve never been there before”, and we initially said “mmm, sounds lovely”, but then the next day we looked up our travel options and realised it would be very difficult and expensive for us to get there from England, whereas it's fairly easy for the rest of them to get there. However, MIL, SIL and BIL did not take this on board despite us telling them, and they are now all adamant it absolutely has to be this destination and saying they will be really disappointed if we don't come. MIL has even offered to pay for our travel (which will be about 4-5 times dearer than what it normally costs us to travel to France). Here are the reasons we don’t want to go:

• No direct flights at all from the UK outside of summer
• Our travel options involve a combination of plane, train and ferry as foot passengers, but every option we've found would take two full days, with either a hotel stay at the airport or overnight ferry, at least 3 connections/different modes of transport, and involve either an extremely early start (5am) or extremely late arrival (1am)
• The idea of spending 2 full days travelling on trains, planes and ferries with a 2 year old makes me want to jump out of a window. We regularly do trips to France that take 1 whole day of travel, but 2 days feels like too much.
• There is only 4 days’ overlap between the French and English school holidays this Easter. This means, when you take away the travel time, it will leave us with one full day and two half days to spend all together.

I just do not think it’s worth all that palaver to spend less than 2 full days together, when there are so many other lovely destinations in France or elsewhere in Europe that would be easy for all of us to get to. We'd be happy to go pretty much anywhere else in France, we'd also be happy to go to this destination in the summer, when there are direct flights from England, and we’d also be happy to sit this one out, but MIL is adamant it has to be there, it has to be Easter, and she really wants us to come.

YABU – it’s not that much effort, and it will be worth it to make MIL happy
YANBU – that’s a massive effort, and not worth it for 2 days all together

If you visit them several times a year and Corsica is easy to get to from your in-laws place could you stay with them for a couple of days either side of this trip, a sort of holiday within a holiday?

I think I'd be saying that you'd love to go to Corsica but could that be a holiday together in the summer and this birthday trip be somewhere more accessible. That's a compromise and a win?

I’ve been in this situation. We did not go.

Destination weddings have become a big thing with my husband’s nieces, and nephews. Made even worse by the fact that everyone is now trying to outdo each other.

My nephew was the last one.

I don’t like being forced to pay for accommodation, just to attend a wedding. My holidays are to spend how I want.

My nephew booked his wedding three hours out of town. There was really no way we could drive up and back, in a day. My husband would need to have taken time off work.

I said no.

Just say that the travel options for Corsica at Easter renders it impossible for you and the children to go then.

Give 3 options.

DH goes alone to Corsica at Easter
She chooses a different venue and you all go at Easter somewhere else.
You all go to Corsica in the summer.

It's not reasonable to expect you to travel 2 days each way for a short break, no. I think it's fine to say that if that is the plan they you won't be able to come, especially if you can make some other suggestions with easy travel for everyone.

However, a quick search on Skyscanner shows flghts from London with one change that gives total journey times of about 4 hours, which doesn't seem so bad, depending on travel time to and from the airport. Also it possible/desirable for you to go for a whole week's holiday, of which just a few days are with the rest of the family? I think that's what I would do.

That doesn't seem to be true for London airports. Where are you flying from?

Lovely idea but if that’s the only destination you would consider then we actually just can’t make it however much we would love to and would be disappointed not to be there. So the only options are

you go without us
you change to summer
you change to a different destination

we will understand whichever option YOU decide to go with MIL but we can’t change the things that make it impossible for us sadly so up to you

YANBU, totally too much effort

I have a 4 and a nearly 2 year old and I find travelling to Scotland on a 2.5 hr direct flight stressful 😆
Absolutely say no. And don't feel bad at all about it.

The travel, whichever way you do it, is too inconvenient for you as a family so tell MIL quite firmly that it's off the table. You are happy to consider other destinations or for the rest of the family to go without yours.

If she says she is disappointed, say 'yes, so are we, but that's life, we'll get over it'.

Isn’t the answer to do Corsica another time - during the summer when the direct flights are - and go somewhere else this time? Then MIL realises that no one is stopping her going but it’s too tricky at that particular time.

I disagree with most and think this is totally possible, if you change your mindset. You seem set to not want to go already though. It's mil milestone birthday. Mil has offered to pay for travel. YABVU.

Corsica is beautiful!! I went for a day trip, whilst I was on holiday in Sardinia. It does sound as if it would be a complete nightmare for you to go. I wouldn't want all that travelling with small children, that's a nightmare. Could you try and persuade them that it's not practical for you and to change where they go? If your MIL won't change it, then you have two choices - grin and bare the travelling or tell her that you aren't going. Yes, she'll be upset, but it's not fair on your children having to do that amount of travelling.

I'd love to know who thinks you're being unreasonable (except your MIL of course).

Could you suggest you go in the summer instead?

The poster above who says that OP just needs to change her mindset and that she is being very unreasonable.

There is only 4 days’ overlap between the French and English school holidays this Easter. This means, when you take away the travel time, it will leave us with one full day and two half days to spend all together.

How much annual leave do you both have for the trip?

I would want to go but the 2 days travel would tire me out.

Could you add on a couple of extra days and spread out the travelling but also use it to see different areas?

You could have a couple of days with the entire family but a couple of days either side with just your little family, which could be a lot of fun and make some lovely memories.

You could look into hiring a car and do a road trip sort of holiday. Take in turns driving and have a couple of places where you plan to visit on the way for a couple of hours (which will hopefully tire the kids out too).

Just because you’ll only see the rest of the family there for a couple of days, doesn’t mean you can’t spend a couple more days in the area or different areas, to make the travel worth it.

Sorry we can't get there in a reasonable amount of time. Have fun though.

SkyScanner is giving flight times of about 4hrs ish, even with a change. It doesn't seem un-doable or anything close to 2 full days travelling. (Obviously I don't have enough information to look at exact dates or exact locations)

Annoyingly the screen shot didn't attach to my post above - hopefully this will work

Corsica is lovely but 4 days travelling for 2 days family time isn't worth it. Not with 2 small children probably fairly tried and excited. Sounds like a logistical headache . Especially the 2yo, too big to sit quietly in a pushchair but too small to be safe when travelling and stay next to you if you need your hands.

Especially having to carry luggage as well- then no car seats so you can't even jump in taxis.

There does seem to be flights in April from London end of the country with 1 stop. Are you down south at all?

It seems really silly to be so rigid on dates when a couple of months later, you could fly direct from a local airport.
My parents can be a bit rigid too, golden wedding anniversary lunch was booked at a time I told them I couldn't do due to minimum manning at work. I just couldn't get the time off. I could do the evening or the following day but 'NO, it has to be lunch and we want you there'. I obviously didn't go, as I couldn't get the time off but boy did my Mum make me out to be an awful ungrateful daughter.

It’s silly to be rigid on times to the extent your parents were but it’s pretty normal to be rigid on dates, surely? Milestone birthdays and big wedding anniversaries can’t be changed. Celebrating a big birthday isn’t the same if you wait two months to do it. The obvious solution is to change to a more accessible location.

Can’t you go early, stay with MIL/BIL a couple of days, and then travel on with them?

Love the number of people with absolutely no awareness that it takes quite a long time to get to London from several parts of the UK.