Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

🙄

Of course it's a matter of policy. If OP had slipped or injured herself, their insurance wouldn't cover her as a member of the public. It's an absolutely normal clause in retail environments.

@pelvicfloorisnomore Hope you didn't feel too humiliated.
It's a definite problem with lack of CLEAN public loos in UK.

The general public seem to be disgusting as a species, and often seem to leave public loos in a horrible state.

I’m sorry that happened to you OP, and sorry you’ve had so many nasty replies. Sounds like the staff probably didn’t have a choice and there is a wider point about public toilets which have almost all been closed down. It causes real difficulties for many groups of people. I hope you can take it easy for the rest of today.

Have you actually seen the insurance policies?

Also agree it's very easy to spot the people who have never worked in a shop which is part of a larger chain!!

Incontinence pads are the way to go.

You are aware the two things often go hand in hand right?

There are many condition you can develop as part of pregnancy that are disabling (sometimes even at risk of being fatal). Not everyone has healthy, smooth, uncomplicated pregnancies.

Disabilities do not have to be permanent of life long same way a broken leg is temporary but still debilitating. Not all disabilities are equal but temporary disabilities still require 'fair' compromise be made.

It is literally a protected characteristic along side disability.

That is not the issue here though as they likely cannot provide access for disabled people either.

Jeez...the pile on.

That must have been really horrible for you OP and I'm sorry the world we now live in has to be so wary of everyone and everything.

If your waters had broken no one would think any worse of you, so maybe try and think of it in that way ie. something you really had no control over.

Hopefully the baby won't jump in and out of your pelvis too much!
I'd feel OK knocking on a door to ask someone if I could use their loo. They can only say no if it doesn't suit them, but I think most people would let you.

It may depend on location of toilets and staff around to monitor.

If the toilets are near staff lockers, behind shop security or some distance away and there is min staff on - I can easily see why it would be a no.

I'm afraid Lady Tena, or adult nappies are the answer. As everyone has said - blame insurance/health and safety policies etc. You can't expect people to risk their jobs, or being sued if something goes wrong.

So many stories recently of people losing control of their bladders and bowels.

Exactly. It's absolutely in retail (and hospitality) that members of the public cannot go in the back areas - for all kinds of reasons.

Retail store I worked in, it was immediate termination of your employment if a none employee was let into staff area.

I don't think wanting to use a toilet is entitled if the OP was desperate. She didn't wet herself and it had never happened before so she was unprepared.

Why the unpleasant tone?

For everyone saying “oh this isn’t the store’s fault, they have to abide by policy”

Well maybe the policy needs to be changed to incorporate a bit of civility in to our daily lives?

Why is consumerism the only factor that seems to matter nowadays?
Why isn’t human dignity equally as important?

Don’t tell me that supermarkets don’t have the money! They are making a fortune from us.

Maybe supermarkets over a certain size should be obliged by law to have a public, clean, lavatory? They have fleeced enough farmers and made enough profits to be able to afford it. And they should install a Madame Pipi like in France to keep them in order!

I am very sorry that this happened to you op.

If men had to endure pregnancy and do the lion’s share of parenting little kids, and looking after elderly parents, there would be a public loo at every corner!

Honestly, the older I get, the more angry so feel about this sort of thing and the more I feel that this is a feminist issue. and what damage has been done to our society by prioritising the car and the consumer above the youngest and eldest members of our society and pregnant women!

There are no public loos. The pubs are closed in the morning. The open shops were a charity shop, a one stop, a butchers, a hair dressers. No bushes in the centre of town. A car park. A church half way home. There is a cafe & hotel but it’s almost all the way back to my house so it’s the equivalent of going home. Everywhere else closed.
I clearly wouldn’t have made it to any of those shops.

I remember someone let a member of the public in to use the staff loos. It was through the locker room and they stole two wallets on the way out. It’s policy whilst horrible for you it is what it is. It isn’t the stores issue they just have no public loo and you aren’t staff.

How do you know it's anything to do with insurance? It's much more likely shops just don't want members of the public in the back rooms where they could potentially steal stuff and they either don't trust the staff to follow them and keep an eye on them or they just don't want them to spend their time doing that rather than stocking shelves and serving customers at the front.

Bless you - that sounds horrible 😥 Nothing to add but sympathy.

Thank you.

You have expressed my own inner thoughts this morning more eloquently than I could have managed.

Maybe the policy should be changed, and maybe it is inhuman, but that doesn't change the fact that staff can't just do what they think is right and totally ignore what their contracts say.

Retail is, unfortunately, one of those jobs where you have to follow the book - you can't just do whatever you like unless you're happy to risk your job over it.

I really do sympathise with you but almost every week there's a sadface story somewhere online or in my local paper with someone who had an accident after being refused the staff loo at a local shop - I appreciate you have extenuating circumstances but so does everyone else who asks. Sometimes it's an old person who is incontinent, sometimes a small child, sometimes someone who is ill, a pregnant woman....if they let all these people use the loo they wouldn't be staff loos!

Once you let one person use it they are opening themselves up for discrimination claims if they don't let the next person. Plus as pps have pointed out there are insurance issues, health and safety, someone would have to monitor you so that's one fewer staff member on the shop floor, if someone made a mess in there staff would have to clean it, it means staff themselves can't use the loo while they desperately need it

The fault is with councils closing down public loos- but then they are hugely struggling for money so that's understandable too.....

I'm so sorry you had to go through this op. Sadly, as you can see from many of the replies on this thread, the majority of people think that following rules and regulations and protecting their jobs is more important that showing basic compassion and human decency towards a heavily pregnant woman. For what it's worth, I have witnessed school children asking to use the loo in my local Coop and they have allowed them to do so.

These aren't public toilets.

These are pubs, restaurants, cafes, train stations and petrol stations plus a small number of supermarkets that allow members of the public to use their customer toilets without being a patron or customer.

There some other pubs and restaurants who aren't part of the scheme who if you are with a small child, have a disability toilet card or are heavily pregnant will allow you to use their customer toilets without being a patron or customer.