Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

I feel for you, but I think as other posters have sad, wearing a tena lady is probably your best bet for now. I hate how few public toilets there are, and of course, it tends to affect women far more than men!

Agreed but insurance companies are hidden away in their ivory towers and don't care about the actual practical impact of what they demand of their customers. Especially when it has a disproportionate effect on women and on disabled people and who cares about them? If people cared we'd have enough public loos and they'd be a priority.

Yes I imagine this comes down to who is working / the managers view on it as much as anything.

Some people are empathetic and would break a rule to help, others would not.

Sorry you had this experience OP - I agree the lack of public toilets is very limiting.

This is where the myth about it being legal for a pregnant woman to pee in a police officer’s helmet comes from.

You are unreasonable not to wear suitable pads or pants if you know you are incontinent… even if it is only a temporary condition you are pregnant.

Maybe supermarkets over a certain size should be obliged by law to have a public, clean, lavatory? They have fleeced enough farmers and made enough profits to be able to afford it. And install a Madame Pipi like in France to keep them in order!

If people cared we'd have enough public loos and they'd be a priority

people do care but to have more public toilets we’d all have to pay a lot more council tax…

I do empathise, it's awful if you need the toilet and there is no public toilets around.

The store assistant was correct in their decision though, if anything had happened to you while using their staff toilets, the insurance would not have covered it, which could have resulted in the employee being dismissed.

It's not them being unkind, they have health and safety rules to follow.

I’m so sorry this happened OP. I understand how embarrassing this can be. As others have said - staff need to follow their employment procedures, which means they can’t let you use the staff toilets.

I get that for you the consequences were unpleasant. The problem though is that many people likely ask to use the staff toilet - and for every person they feel their needs warrant an exception.

Is there a health nurse you can contact to talk about continence planning? There are options beyond go to the toilet every chance you get (and depending on the cause of incontinence this can be a poor management choice). Your management approach has been working for you so far, but as that’s no longer the case a change in approaches is needed.

Oi people are harsh, I have small kids 2 and 4 years and have used shop toilets abroad. They allow it because they know a newly potty trained kid can't hold out.
Pregnant is no different.
Gosh I thought a little compassion goes a long way.
England is so rule obsessed it's nauseating.
( And before you come at me, shops abroad also have the insurance policy thing , they're just kind first and foremost

Heavily pregnant woman rushing to staff loo slips and falls on stomach and store not insured…
have you considered those period knickers?

I was wearing a pad but I wasn’t expecting to be incontinent on the school run. I’ve not had this happen in a public situation before.

That's horrible of them. I've never been refused use of toilets when pregnant, on the few occasions I've been desperate. In future, your children's school will probably be more accommodating and let you use a staff toilet. Doctor's surgeries are usually fine with it too.

Twat

It's not insurance. There is no clause in insurance that states claims are excluded if members of the public go into staff areas

What they mean is that they think if something happened, they could be held liable (deemed negligent) or hadn't done a risk assessment to defend a claim. This is the case though if they're insured or not.

This is a totally normal policy, the staff member could have gotten into trouble allowing you to use a staff toilet. They're not being unkind, it's above their heads to make the decision essentially.
It would have been better to try and ask in a local cafe or something similar as they will have toilets for customer use and therefore have the flexibility to allow you to use it.
Obviously its very distressing and upsetting for you that this happened and it was too sudden to do anything else in this situation but I would just move on and plan for any future occurrences.
My mother has incontinence issues and wears a large pad so that on the occasions she can't make it to the toilet she has a back up.

Some people are empathetic and would break a rule to help, others would not.

It's nothing to do with being empathetic or not, or wanting to help, or not. It's knowing that allowing someone through the back to use the loo and being caught (by another staff member, CCTV) would probably result in the loss of your job.

That's awful from the member of staff. When they come to having children, I'm sure they will regret this horrendous behaviour.

I would be writing a formal complaint to the manager and taking it up at a higher level. Maybe even ask a solicitor to take this up as pregnancy discrimination.

Unfortunately, there are very few people with any morals left, I had my little boy last year and really really sympathise with you.

OP I understand your embarrassment, that must have been really upsetting. I think perhaps you need to have a word with your DH about using the car. He needs to h understand that you literally wet yourself in public because you couldn’t get home quick enough. Had you had the car this may have been avoided, or at the very least you wouldn’t have wet yourself in public.

It sadly isn’t on the co-op to bend the rules for you, if you feel strongly you could always write to their head office. Sometimes they need to hear from customers about their policies, even if they don’t change them.

If your DH really does need the car then you might have to buy some adult incontinence nappies to wear on the school run in future. I know this probably feels even more humiliating but it is only for a short time and may relieve a lot of anxiety in the future.

I am really sorry this happened to you but you can't expect someone to risk their job for this

DURA LEX, SED LEX

The law is tough but it is the law.
You are being unreasonable. The shop need to adhere to a series of strict rules when it comes to their dealings with the customers.
Sorry you had to go through this.

Seems very mean they wouldn't let you use the toilet although I can imagine chains probably just have strict policies and staff don't have the autonomy to use their judgment. I can't see what it has to do with insurance. Perhaps you should have tried a chemist? I think pharmacists would let someone use the toilet if they had a medical need or heavily pregnant.

Have you read any of the other replies about insurance liability?

I didn't need the loo at the school else I would have asked. I didn’t need the loo when I walked into the coop. The baby shifted positions and I was suddenly desperate to
go.

Wow can you be any more unkind and lacking in understanding? Sometimes our body doesn’t always cooperate especially when heavily pregnant.

Insurance doesn't cover customers using staff toilets. If you fell, hurt yourself, you could sue the shop. Not worth someone losing their job over.