Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

@Sixteenandfourteen789 the problem is that we have become a society where people sue for all sorts of things. So customer using staff loos, insurance won't cough up when customer slips on floor or has some other mishap as insurance doesn't cover customers in staff loos. And the customer then sues the company possibly using one of those no win no fee lawyers. Would you want that if you owned the company? It could easily put the owner out of business.

I'd have knocked on a house door and begged to use the loo. It must be obvious that you are heavily pregnant and I'm sure someone would have been sympathetic. I certainly would. I once had a very upset female delivery driver confide in me that she'd unexpectedly started her period and could she use my loo and, of course, I said yes.

Most large or even medium supermarkets DO have public loos though. And most co ops are fairly small. I've never seen one the size of even a medium Tesco or asda. So it might already be law/policy and if it isn't and became so its unlikely it would encompass all small shops so wouldnt have changed ops circumstances.

You’d have been better off trying the hairdressers or other independent shop. Especially one where there’s little worth stealing behind the shop front door

For a lot of shops it wouldn't be letting someone "nip to the lav" though.
Usually a couple of doors with keypad locks on to get through, 2 flights of stairs and a long corridor.

Come on, @Offtheroof, you're really saying that you would risk losing your job to allow a stranger to use the loo? Really? 🙄

I get the argument that there should be more public loos, and it is very inconvenient if you are with children or other people with continence issues. By all means campaign to get more access to private loos, or more public loos. But it's very unfair/unreasonable to expect a shop assistant probably on little more than minimum wage to risk their income.

I was trying to make it somewhere! I was already in the coop and clearly would not have made it as I did not make it out the coop!

Some of the medium size supermarkets around me used to have customer toilets.

As soon as a restaurant nearby has been open for a couple of years I've noticed they have closed them.

Maybe supermarkets over a certain size should be obliged by law to have a public, clean, lavatory? They have fleeced enough farmers and made enough profits to be able to afford it. And they should install a Madame Pipi like in France to keep them in order!

how big is your local co-op?!

Also if you lost control before you made it out of the shop, would you have even managed to get to the staff loo by the time they got someone to cover the till so they could take you, particularly if it was, for example up several flights of stairs (as it was at the last shop I worked at) or if someone was already in there?

I agree with you @pelvicfloorisnomore a bit of kindness for a pregnant women would be good but society is gone to pot.

FWIW if this happens again, look for a pub and just go to the loo without asking if you can find the loo/know where it is.

I wonder if it a reaction to more assaults on retail staff and more theft in shops.

I know Tesco here had an armed assault and staff procedures tighten as a result. It's going to lead to stricter polices by bigger companies in effort to reduce risk to their stock and staff - so once a pg woman known to staff may get benefit of doubt now it's a blanket no.

Having worked in a shop where very occasionally someone asked to use the loo, it's a logistical and security nightmare for staff and they could even risk losing their job for allowing you to use the loo.

Even if the staff know you by sight, you'd need to be accompanied to the toilet in case you tried to pinch something from lockers or the stock room. That would take a member of staff off the shop floor - which could result in lone working or a free-for-all for shop lifters/till thieves.

Additionally, as others have said, if you fainted/banged your head/fell/tripped etc. they'd not be appropriately insured.

If it was an independent business you'd probably have more luck getting them to bend the rules and taking you to the loo. Hairdressers are also often accommodating of people using the loo because some treatments lake hours and hours. But national chains of shops have sacked staff for less.

It sounds like this was rather an extreme situation - as you went from realising you needed the loo while in the shop to wetting yourself as you left. It seems probable that you may not even have made it to any loo on time.

Suddenly needing the loo in late pregnancy is a total pain in the backside and it's incredibly embarrassing when accidents happen. But the shop staff really haven't done anything wrong here.

We have an acute lack of public loos in this country and it makes life very challenging for people with disabilities and medical conditions. All I can suggest is writing to your local councillors or even your MP to push for public lavs in your community.

Totally agree with this, there’s no way I’d risk losing my job (which would result in me losing my home), to let someone use the toilet. That’s just totally unreasonable. There’s likely to be cctv so it’s not like a staff member wouldn’t be found out, so they would have literally had no choice but to say no.

It’s the main shop in a small rural town. Most people take the 15 minute drive to the “big supermarkets” in the neighbouring big town.

Generally in the mornings it’s just pensioners and the odd post school run mum.

Ah it's rubbish, OP, but I think it's just a bad luck set of circumstances. I can understand why they don't want or can't have members of the public accessing work areas.

At our local Coop, the staff toilets are on the far side of the warehouse area they have at the back, where they have people wheeling stock about, stuff stacked, etc., so I can well believe that there may be a risk, however small, if members of public could access this area. It's frustrating but if you had gone there and tripped over something (particularly while heavily pregnant) then the consequences could have been serious.

Not a nice thing to have to deal with but hopefully a one-off.

Exactly, plus a staff member would have to accompany them, and then you have the issue of the staff member being alone with a customer too - not to mention the shop floor being left partially uncovered as well.

I am sorry but this is insane. I had twins and my pelvic floor has never been the same but I think this is ridiculous - large supermarkets have public toilets - we can't expect local corner shops to have facilities / the reduced floor space / the insurance / the extra staff costs for maintaining. We can't expect small local stores, of which co-ops are usually one of them, to have these extra costs so a pregnant lady can shop there instead of driving to a larger store which has toilets. The sense of entitlement is just crazy. People with incontinence issues (including myself) can buy products / order online / shop at stores with toilets or toilets near by.

Love how the OP is just ignoring everyone explaining why the rule is in place 😂

Sorry you had to go through that but the staff member did the right thing. If you start bending the rules for one it's a slippery slope.

"Well maybe the policy needs to be changed to incorporate a bit of civility in to our daily lives?"

Take that up with the civilians who've earmarked retail stores as easy prey for slip and fall payouts or easy defamation claims.

This. It's very likely that allowing any member of the public into staff areas for any reason whatsoever would be a sackable offence.

I’m sorry OP. I think you’re right.If I was the store manager I’d have let you use the loo. Sod the rules- where has everyone’s humanity gone??

I have a chronic bladder condition and every trip I make has to be with toilets in mind. I don’t drink before a car journey or a trip to the shops. I wouldn’t dream of asking to use a staff toilets in a shop to be honest. I’d assume that insurance is an issue anyway. If I’m going somewhere new, I go online to check out potential toilet situations first (ie, is there a public toilets nearby? Or is there a Costa that I could go to and then buy something on the way out etc)

It is a pain when customers ask to use the toilet as it takes you off the shop floor and then other customers moan that there aren't enough staff to serve them. As has been said there are security issues as stock and possibly staff items would be near the toilet. There is also a risk that the customer would leave the toilet a mess. We didn't have an instore cleaner so would have to clean it ourselves.

I did let a pregnant woman use it once but I usually said no as there were toilets in the shopping centre the shop was in.

There is a massive issue in general about the lack of public toilets. I am expert in knowing where they are in my town.

I do wonder how many of the "be kind" humanitarians here have ever actually worked somewhere where the loos are open to the public and have had to be the one cleaning up shit off the walls, used tampons and needles?

If you were aware of how utterly grim the general public (NOT suggesting OP personally but the whole point is you can't tell!) are perhaps you'd be more understanding about why staff might not want everyone using their loos and why shops don't have public loos unless they absolutely have to. Small shops like a coop won't have cleaning staff on hand all day, just at the start/end of the week so it would just be the normal staff who get stuck with it.

Would you like your 16 year old child on £6.40 an hour to have to clean up explosive diarrhoea, vomit and used needles? And if your answer is "well my child is too busy concentrating on their a-levels to work in the co-op" then I have my answer....