Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

It's not special, it will be how they sent their insurance up

And I specifically said they definitely wouldn't let people back if it was direct to the drugs!

Undiluted sympathy from me, OP. I'm totally with @Sixteenandfourteen789 's post. It is infuriating that supermarkets no longer have loos. I am sure they used to - for sure the ones that have little cafés on the side.

Very sorry you had to endure this. It is not right! I'm also sorry you seem to be getting such a hard time from some posters. I don't know where that comes from!

I’m happy to pay a couple of Euros to use a safe, clean, properly maintained lavatory.

I know not everyone is in the same position to be able to do that but I don’t think that one or two euros or pounds is too much to ask actually for good privately run facilities.

We definitely need to campaign for decent public facilities too though!

Successive governments, as with so many things, have opted out of taking responsibility for providing decent public services, and have left it up to the private sector to take care of things and sorry but we all know now that that strategy simply doesnt work! Just look at the polluted state of UK rivers and waterways!

We would in our store. Ladies and children if they were desperate. Men we tell them to use the pub over the road.

Absolutely not true

I do have sympathy for you OP - and I suggested something that may help in future (a sheewee honestly!) as I have a condition that means I am often caught short and its not pregnancy! Thing is, this is a forum and people will give opinions. In particular, you posted on AIBU, which actually asks people whether you are being unreasonable or not. That means that people will say if they think you are, and as people are different will have different opinions. I dont think anyone has been downright rude, (which does happen and is awful) just different opinions. If you just wanted validation, then best not to ask for different opinions on AIBU. For what its worth, I think you are right, should have been human decency but you can see form the range of opinions that its not cut and dried. Particularly interesting hearing from people who have worked or work in shops and how difficult that can be. Take care and good luck on the birth of your child xx

Absolutely insane! can’t believe I’m seeing “wear a nappy”

what sort of society do people want?

I’ve read only the first few pages and not the entire thread but I don’t think that’s fair. Most people are pretty sympathetic/empathetic and rightly so.

To the extent there is any pile on it’s because OP seems unwilling to accept that there were good reasons for her being denied access to the toilets, and that it’s unreasonable of her to expect shop staff to risk their jobs over it.

Absolutely is true 😊

I think you're extrapolating hugely

This exact same scenario could have (in fact I literally have seen it in my local paper) happened with a male customer, whether elderly, disabled, very young or just unwell.

Pregnant women are not the only people who might suddenly need the loo.

I think the reason why it rankles with me so much is that:

• using a clean toilet in private is an act of basic human dignity and everyone should be afforded dignity
• people who are disabled, young, elderly or pregnant will end up paying more, and that feels like a tax on our most vulnerable

I think I'd rather pay more money in tax so everyone could use a decent toilet than it was pay per pee, but I appreciate how that might not work.

I just want more toilets, damn it!

I suppose the issue stems from existing infrastructure and how buildings were designed. We're using/converting a lot of old buildings, and we're tight on space in this country.

This just highlights the desperate need for more public toilets. Even one loo in every town centre would make a massive difference. I’m not incontinent but since having children I have to plan not to have anything to drink if I’m going anywhere without a loo! Women are disproportionately affected by the lack of public toilets so nobody in charge really cares

Why wouldn’t she want to whinge? Why so determined to put the boot in? A pp nailed it (I forget who, sorry) when she said that posters on AIBU often just want to apportion blame; if they can spot a way in which OP is to blame, they feel their life is complete. OP has quite eloquently expressed why she feels disappointed - and your last resort is to go “well, you’re still to blame because you’re not doing anything about it.” So pathetic.

A society where there are so many public toilets available that no one has to beg to use a private toilet, putting all parties in an awkward situation.

Sorry op, thats appalling behaviour from the store. I don't understand how this myth arose about "insurance". Utter nonsense!!. As long as you are not left unattended at back of house you can and should be allowed to use their facilities.
I would certainly be dropping a wee email to HO. X

I have every sympathy for people working in shops but if their job is made so difficult by the huge demand from people asking to use a loo then maybe the management of that shop should take the comfort of their customers in to account!

Is not

Totally agree with this. It’s a very basic necessary provision.

😘

Very imminent then OP :) Awww.

As you said, you usually plan better and hardly your fault baby decides to drop when baby did.
As PPs have stated, though, it will be security and insurance reasons.

?? I said that i thought the OP was right.

As someone above said, the OP has no more right to use this toilet than she does your toilet. Just because the business is open to members of the public, it does not mean that they have to provide toilets to members of the public, and there are very good reasons why they should not do so.

Because it's not a myth? Have you ever been a manager in retail?

Yup

I've worked in a shop years ago and had to decline entry to the loo to a pregnant lady, I felt awful because no one should be left not able to access a loo in special circumstances. I'm sure co-op staff feel awful as well.
Another time about 17 years ago I worked in the pub as a cleaner and a elderly man and woman knocked on for the man to use toilets, I had to decline entry felt awful again, because I would not treat my elderly Grandad that way.
Pregnant woman, children, elderly and certain illness people should be allowed access to the loos when needed.
So glad I don't work in a job where I would be put in position of declining entry to the toilets to those desperately in need.