Not allowing heavily pregnant woman to use a loo

[pelvicfloorisnomore]

I’m imminently due my third baby and have a massive bump. Popped to the local coop post school run and as I was checking out was desperate for the loo. My pelvic floor is pretty shot from previous 2 kids, the baby had dropped during the school run walk so I was feeling like I could not wait. The store was empty bar a couple of pensioners. I asked if I could use the staff loo as desperate, there are no other loos nearby and I was unlikely to make it the half a mile home in time. The member of staff said no against policy and I soiled myself before I even made it the front door of the shop. Completely humiliating and had to walk home like that and could have been avoided if a little kindness shown.

AIBU to expect some flexibility in branch policy to accommodate for those in need? It hardly fits with the coop key value of caring for others.

So (again) have you contacted Co op to complain/ask for their response? Or was the purpose of the thread just to have a whinge?

I sympathise as someone who when pregnant constantly either needed to pee or throw up , I once went to the loo pulled up my pants and immediately needed to go again . It's so hard to find a loo when they are all staff only, but agree it'll be a security/insurance issue . Bring back public toilets 🚻

Yes I'm interested in that. I suspect she hasn't.

I was a bank manager and quite often took mums with little kids to the staff loos.
I waited outside the toilet door for them, they were very grateful. I could have made a false excuse if I could not be bothered, but instead used basic human decency

This is one of those threads that really is the worst of mumsnet. A pregnant mum describing an incredibly vulnerable moment and expressing shock at not being allowed to use a shop toilet. Then a pile on telling her she's unreasonable, entitled and should plan better! One would assume that these posters have never been pregnant but it's 'mums'net so that seems unlikely.

Of course staff should be free to do what is right and humane. What a passive lot you are! See an injustice? Challenge an injustice!

But it's not an 'injustice'. It's (probably) company policy and the staff member could be sacked if she were found out to have let an unauthorised person use the toilets and thereby go against insurance policies.

Would you have risked your job in similar circumstances? And where do you draw the line? Many people have 'reasonable' reasons to use the toilet. Are you going to let them all use it to right an 'injustice'? And who's going to pay to clean up the toilets after strangers use them?

I think it’s a case here of planning better, getting her DH to let her use the car and don’t blame Co-Op.

I have stress in continence too and usually use thicker panty liners but someone got me the Allways Incontinence pads by mistake rather than the usual ones and I hate to say it but they’re great. I also get the common “want to go when I’m near home” which is absolutely a pita!

I hate to say it but if I was the Co-Op member of staff asked I’d have to say no as it’s more than my minimum pay job and isn’t worth it on these grounds. Also if another customer saw you being allowed to use toilets (or overheard convo) there could be a precedent set for use of staff toilets.

That's great, but surely you can see that as a manager you were in a much better position to use "basic human decency" than a young probably minimum wage shop assistant?

😂 Perhaps because she is heavily pregnant, already has children to care for and a million other things to do. But, yes, unless she makes a formal complaint, how dare she say anything about this incident ever to anyone - least of all mumsnet.

Do you not know that it is unjust to allow a pregnant woman to piss herself involuntarily at the door of your shop? Do you not know that justice also known as humane treatment is not bounded by rules?

Her issue seems to be with the company not being aligned to its corporate values. It isn't unreasonable to suggest that she raises this with the CEO if she feels strongly about it.

I mean she's spent enough time posting on this thread though? Could easily have messaged them in that time?

So is the OP going to find a new job for the shop assistant if she is sacked in her quest to provide 'justice'?

was there a member of staff available to do it?

If you need to keep your job you're being reasonable in following procedures and not putting your employment at risk.

Was it just mums with kids you'd let in though? What about elderly men or women? Pregnant women with no children? The young bloke who says he's desperate or has a medical issue?
This is what no one really answers on this thread. If you make exceptions for some why not all? Who's to say who really can't wait and who can? You cannot tell. If a small but very busy shop opens its one staff toilet to everyone then at least one member of staff would be escorting people back and forth all day. Because let's face it, if there really isn't any other toilets nearby, and people know your shop let's people use the loo, everyone will start using it as the local loo whether they are customers that day or not.

I don't think the Co-op did anything wrong. I am so sorry you had that experience though. I can see how it happened despite your best efforts to plan and why it felt so humiliating. I know it won't take any of the shame away, but remember, you are pregnant. There is a reason why it happened. Another woman in the same stage of pregnancy with a baby that moved would have likely had the same thing happen. It's just one of those awful things about being female. I know why you feel embarrassed and TBH, I would feel that way too, but that doesn't mean we should feel embarrassed! Your body is working hard to grow and keep a baby safe. If things like this happen from time to time, it's just part of the package.

I do think it's wrong that there are so few public toilets available. Everyone deserves the dignity of being able to go to the toilet when they need it. I also think certain businesses should always have a public toilet available - if it was a big enough supermarket rather than a corner shop, I think it should have had one.

However, having seen the state of some toilets, I do sympathise with people who don't want to give access to all and sundry... I don't understand why so much of the general population thinks it's OK to leave toilets in such a grim state when they are well enough to clean up after themselves.

I don't know what the solution is.

There are plenty of public toilets in Europe, but you have to pay for them (which I resent).

I've never been to Japan, but I hear from friends that their toilets are always clean, and plentiful. I wish we had that. How can we build more toilets, open up more toilets, and convince people to not abuse them so we can continue to have nice things?

Use the Tenant Lady products when you have to go out if you say your pelvic floor is shot and you are heavily pregnant. That is better than being humiliated in a shop.

plan would help knowing all the local cafes,pubs, or choose shops with toilets that the public can use, thats how i usually aim for when out in town obviously for this situation it was different.

Agree with the OP, it's a shame many people seem to have little or no sympathy. And it's quite often women who can't seem to support each other and just want to pull each other down. More than men, women enforce the patriarchy and are often far more responsible for the problems of other woman than men are

Well done to you

I have to ask…if you didn’t even make it out of the coop then would you have even made it to the toilet?

Honestly, many responses are really shameful

I think you're reading way too much into this. Most people have sympathy for the OP, but they can also see it from the point of view of the shop assistant who has to abide by the rules. But if you want to see it that way, the shop assistant was also a woman. Should we not also support her in not wanting to possibly lose her job? Would it have been OK if she had similarly refused use of the toilet to an unwell man for example?

Unfortunately you have about as much right to use their toilet as you do as knocking at someone's house and asking to use their toilet. So I'm not sure what you want them to do. I've been pregnant lots and desperate for a pee on occasion but you can't expect businesses to let the general public have access to private areas. Some smaller businesses may use their discretion and let you but the bigger businesses will have stricter policies.