To be having second thoughts about DS staying over at grandparents?

[supertatovsevilpea]

Have a funeral this week, and it is not local (some three hours away.)

I have two children who are three (4 in December) and 15 months. Originally my plan was to have DS(3) stay over with PIL overnight while I drive to funeral location with DD(15 months) then come back the following day. But it means DS would be with PIL overnight then all the following day.

It feels like a lot for them both to be honest. I’m wondering if it might be best to bite the bullet and take both kids with me?

You mean it feels a lot for the grandparents to manage having your DS? That depends on a lot of things, age, health etc and is impossible to tell from your post...

I would guess that your pil will be looking forward to having your son stay. Most GP would love that (although maybe not the mumsnet ones). Even if he didn’t sleep well and ran them ragged, it’s only a couple of days. I’m sure they’d put up with anything to have some time with your son and help you out.

Seems very usual for a 3 Yo to stay with grandparents - what’s your concern? Surely if you’re worried they will find it difficult speak to them about it?

Personally I would have made arrangements for both of them to stay with their grandparents. A 3 hour journey and funeral isn't really going to be enjoyable for a 15 month old.

I suspect she would have a better time with her brother and grandparents.

He’s never done it before @Peonies12 or spent the night away and I’m just conscious I’m at the other end of the country if it does go wrong.

GPs are early 70s.

There’s absolutely no way they could have both stayed with GPs.

I've done overnights a lot, the earliest was my 8 week old granddaughter and the longest was a week with an 18 month old. It was fine, but occasionally still brutal in my 50s. Harder, much harder now in my early 60s I think for inexperienced with that child 70 year olds overnight plus a whole day is asking a lot.

On the other hand, he knows them. They love him. If something really goes wrong then they will take him to hospital and call you. The chances of that are vanishingly unlikely. If you mean something more minor going wrong, like him not having his favourite plate then they will manage. He may watch more tv than he's used to, he may be up later than he's used to but that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
Yes, you will miss him and it will feel strange. He will probably miss you, but he will get extra hugs and attention from grandma and grandad and he'll be fine. Although he might not notice and be having too much fun in a new place to register he's missing you until you're back (this is a good thing!)
Sorry for your loss, it's not easy to leave them a first time, especially under such circumstances.

Have they expressed concerns or are they happy to?

Assuming he sleeps through the night etc., they just need to be prepared for an early morning, surely? They'll be fine

2 of them in good health? And he knows them well? Or both slightly frail and he sees them twice a year?
At 3 I think it'll be fine if he's comfortable with them.

2 adults even in their 70s should cope for 1 night.

Personally i wouldnt take a 3 yr old to a funeral.

If your concern is child based....
Is theres any way GPs can sleep at yours, that way kids have familiar surroundings, i would do that.

Why not? My grandchildren stay over with both sets of grandparents on a very regular basis; sometimes together, sometimes with different GPs at the same time. They’ve done this since they were babies. We love it, they love it.

Is there a specific reason why? I mean I doubt they will get much sleep and of course it will be hard work but even in their early 70s two adults should be more than capable of looking after two kids for one night.

I wasn’t really thinking of anything as dramatic as hospital to be honest, I would obviously trust them to be responsible! I’m thinking more that they’re exhausted / end of their rope / he gets upset and won’t settle sort of things.

It probably will be fine, I am just worried that a full day (I won’t be collecting him until about 10pm) is a LONG time.

I regularly have my DGD for sleepovers and a full day and have done since she was two. There's only me and I'm going on 69.

If he knows them well and there are no major health issues in their part, they should be fine. Only you know whether it's a chore for them, or they're looking forward to it. If the latter, or if they've gone to trouble to be available, don't change your mind.

@Procrastinates theres lots of reasons. The main one is they just wouldn’t. They would nicely say that’s too much and they couldn’t manage it. DD doesn’t sleep through and she doesn’t even want dad overnight, only I will do. MIL is hearing impaired and would fret she wouldn’t wake up to DD as well (DS will just go and get them if he needs something.)

It'll be grand OP, he's old enough to understand you're coming back and also old enough to plonk in front of the TV.

Somewhere between the two.

He sees them more than twice a year and he loves them but hasn’t really spent extended time with them without DH and myself. They are about an hour away so it isn’t a regular thing as in every week.

They aren’t frail as such but I wouldn’t say perfect health either.

I don’t know! Dithering over what the best thing to do is!

I suspect lots of TV and smarties may be used as bribes

Not attacking you at all, as these things can creep up on us, but for others reading this thread whose children have not stayed away when there is a suitable possibility... have a think if it is worth practising before it is necessary.

I had a friend whose eight-year-old had never slept away from her. Then she got sick and had to go into hospital (luckily recovered). The whole thing was much worse for her son as he had to deal with both a sick mummy and staying away for the first time.

That said, in a situation similar to yours, I took the grandparents with me so they were on hand in the hotel.

That said, in a situation similar to yours, I took the grandparents with me so they were on hand in the hotel.

To be fair given what the OP has said about not being back until 10pm this would actually be a much more logical option.

It'll be fine. My son is the same age and you can put him in front of the TV and feed him chips and he'll be happy as. He's gone with MIL for a weekend. My parents in their early 70s also took him at age 3.5y as well as his sister 18m for 2 days(overnight) and they were perfect angels.

He'll have the time of his life.

How are you managing the 15 mo actually at the funeral? It's about the worst age for them for it - and I had a funeral to attend with one that age which is why I say.

Is DH not coming to the funeral? Can he have one or both?

It’s very well and good saying that @MenorcaMarguerite if you have it as an available option. We don’t. We’ve only got the one set and they aren’t local and it will be a lot for them. I don’t doubt it will be fine but it is a lot and I wouldn’t ask them if I had a viable alternative.