AIBU to think maybe some people just like this... or is it me??

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I find getting dressed weirdly challenging. Same for showering. Same for brushing my teeth. Sometimes I'm late because of putting these routines off. I often put them off so long I then tell myself I have got time and skip them, or make myself late. Sometimes I even lock the door and pretend to shower but can't get in. Wider routines like moisturising or stretching feel beyond me.

I find shopping for clothes really hard, and I have barely anything that fits me and everything is ancient and bobbled and sometimes too small, pre-baby (4 years ago). Finding clothes I like that are comfortable (paramount!) is hard, as well as the sort of emotional effort of it all (don't love looking in the mirror, thinking about myself). I need new glasses - 2 years ago my prescription changed and I haven't got myself any new glasses yet. My winter boots (had them years) have got a hole in... they were leaking last winter. I always need to go to the hairdressers, but I hate that and put it off.

I feel like I'm a disgusting person as sometimes I don't clean myself for 2 days. Outwardly, I'm a professional mother, but I feel dirty and horrible and disorganised and a mess inside. I think my husband sees bits of it and I feel ashamed. It used to be easier to "hide" but as I get older and my body needs more maintaining, I feel like I look awful as well as being internally awful.

Is anyone else like this, can you relate? My kids are clean and have everything they need, my house is clean, I work a professional job. It's like a secret shame.

Not the part about dressing but I hate showering too, there are other threads about this, if you search. I I would recommend you just shower 2-3 times a week depending on how often you need to wash your hair and then just touch up wash with a flannel the other days 🙂. Showering too often can dry your skin and then you will need to moisturise more often (ack!, hee hee).

I usually get all my glasses online, if you already have the prescription that’s easy. As for the rest - maybe try doing some yoga or some other exercise to feel better about yourself? Do you need to lose weight?

Not the keeping clean ( I like showers and shampooing hair etc) but going to rhe hairdressers, buying clothes etc. How I look just isn't that important to me.

Some days life is just too full of responsibilities ime.. Shower. Wash hair. Dry /style hair. Apply make up. Choose clothes. Leave bedroom.. Begin a day of work and parenting. Sometimes staying in with pj's on all day would be preferable to Real Life... Guess it hits most people at some time yes?

I'm somewhat like that but I do have adhd. I hate showers as the water feels like needles on my skin so I always opt for a bath but then that's more time consuming. I make the effort if I'm leaving the house but otherwise I can put it off for a couple of days, although I don't have a partner to offend!

A lot of these things have always felt like major chores to me in a way they don't seem to for other people. I also struggle with clothes. I think I probably have a lot of sensory issues around clothing.

I never feel I look "put together" as most people do. I wouldn't really know how! As no matter what I do I still don't seem to look right!

I hate getting changed during the day. If plans change, so I need to take off gardening clothes and put on going out clothes, or vice versa, it really puts me out.

I reward myself for having got ready in the morning, including teeth, by giving myself a spray of perfume.

would getting boots mended be easier than buying a new pair?

I make a point of smiling when I see a mirror. I look much better when smiling. And the good feeling has spread, so I’m now happy with my body, even though I’m in my 70s.

My appearance is important to me, but yeah, I struggle to be arsed with it all. I do it though, as I'd be a bit depressed if I didn't.

This is me! It's all such an effort.

I feel like that in the mornings. The shower is too bitey at that time of day. I’m not putting on any clothes that aren’t comfortable or are restrictive at that time. If I could get dressed at midday it would be another thing!

I can look lovely and well turned out for evening plans but look quite scruffy for work.

I have a shower or bath, with or without hair washing , in the evenings and a stand up wash in the morning, which I can just about handle!

Never used to, but increasingly find it all a bit much. I still do it, but slowly and reluctantly.

Oh my god, thanks for all these replies. I feel better in half an hour than I've felt in weeks, thinking about all this. Such a relief to see other people are like this!

I have to push myself to brush my teeth or wash my face in the evenings. After a full day of working and being toddler mum, sometimes I’m so tired that self care feels like the last thing I can be bothered with.

Hair washes I can’t be bothered with but have to, I have long curly frizzy hair that takes ages to style. If I don’t style it it goes crazy lion vibes.

Getting dressed in the morning and picking an outfit, especially in the winter when it’s cold in the morning - brrrr I hate it!

All I will say is you’re not alone, but please try and prioritise self care even if it’s just 10 mins a day. You might have to push yourself but having a quick 2 min shower and washing your face can make you feel a lot better x

I think it's either something that therapy could help with and learning to value yourself.

Or it's worth looking into conditions that struggle with executive functioning type things or if it's a sensory thing that too. I'm not saying you have any of those conditions before people jump on and say "oh, there's always one that mentions ASD/ADHD straight away" but you might find some good coping techniques and ways to do tasks without making them a demand.

My self care / wanting to shower and dress etc usually slips when I get anxiety or low days so I would definitely suggest talking to someone as well x

I’m like this. I have to make a bit of a hygiene effort for work but it’s a shower or bath and cleaning teeth. I find it uncomfortable but also have bills to pay and responsibilities. Weekends are my scruffy time.

Yes - I can relate to everything you've said. I don't go in the bathroom and pretend to shower, but that's because I live on my own! If I'm around my partner more often, I do shower more, on holiday for instance. But this is one of the reasons I couldn't live with anyone - the pressure to do all that would be too much.

I have routines around getting ready and it takes ages. I can't skip any of the parts as it would throw me off completely. It's bloody hard. Having to deal with everything the body requires - the maintenance. And yes, as you get older it gets harder. More effort is required.

I had a virtual phobia of the hairdresser. During lockdown I discovered the Unicorn Method of cutting your own hair and have now resolved never to go to a hairdresser again.

Totally understand where you're coming from. It must be even harder with a child, or children!

Aww 🩷
I'm quite glam through the week (for work), but honestly, you should see me at weekends. I'm truly gross. My dressing gown of doom pretty much walked itself to the machine last night

What do you mean when you say you are a professional mother?

I strictly keep to hygiene, but absolutely hate showers of any sort. It's got to be a bath or a sit down wash.
Standing in the cubicle under running water 😖
I often wandered what's wrong with me.
Otherwise, everything we are "forced" to do
is a challenge of a kind.

I feel like this too OP. I also wear sunscreen on my face and neck (takes FOREVER to put on - I hate it) and makeup on top.

I let my long straight hair air dry so at least that's something I don't have to deal with.

Basically my entire 'get ready' routine takes 40mins to an hour. I hate it. When I'm not in the office I just sleep in my makeup from the night before and turn up on video calls with a 'beautify' setting on so people can't tell 🙈

I don't know what the answer is - but I feel you OP

Yeah I struggle with getting things done. I had the day off work today and had a list of things to do. Didn’t even make it to the shower until gone 1. Need to start dinner soon but there is still washing up to be done from last night. One of the things I meant to do first today. I’ve just not been able to get myself together. I’ve always been a bit like this. I don’t think it’s ADHD but I am easily distracted and a procrastinator.

Sorry if that was poorly phrased and sounded judgemental. I wrote the post quickly and didn't think - what I think I meant was, I'm a mother that looks after the kids and they are clean and have shoes without holes etc, and a "professional", I meant that I'm a clinician, I make complex decisions, have a lot of responsibility etc at work, so I know I'm able to be organised and things. Does that make sense?

@MsCactus - me too with the sunscreen! I know it's necessary but some days I just think "oh fuck it" and don't bother. I hate doing that but it's so freeing! Then I spend the day trying to avoid being in sunlight or sitting by a window!

It adds an extra level of faff to a morning that I loathe but I know it's sensible.

This is all so foreign to me, I'm struggling to understand it!

Is it that you don't have the physical energy?

Do you not like the feeling of water on skin, brush on teeth etc?

Do you have really high standards of what you should look like and feel unable to meet them so don't want to bother with any of it?

I totally agree re clothes shopping, though, it's a bloody chore.

I'm sorry you feel this way. To me, there's nothing like the feeling of being squeaky clean from a shower and hair wash. It feels good to moisturize dry skin, get tangles out of my hair etc. I don't like being in fashion (although I vaguely keep up with trends), and I don't wear make up or heels. I get my hair cut twice a year, and have finally lasered away body hair I don't like. It must feel miserable resenting daily self-care, because either you do something you hate or feel guilty about not doing something you know you should do. You must feel thoroughly stuck every day :(

For me, it's the demand and all the steps I need to take in the process to actually start. I have mixer taps, so have to try and get the temperature right. That's enough to put me off. I hate getting naked, I hate having to dry myself etc etc.

I hear you loud and clear.

Ugh I know. I wish I'd never started with the sunscreen tbh