AIBU to think maybe some people just like this... or is it me??

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I find getting dressed weirdly challenging. Same for showering. Same for brushing my teeth. Sometimes I'm late because of putting these routines off. I often put them off so long I then tell myself I have got time and skip them, or make myself late. Sometimes I even lock the door and pretend to shower but can't get in. Wider routines like moisturising or stretching feel beyond me.

I find shopping for clothes really hard, and I have barely anything that fits me and everything is ancient and bobbled and sometimes too small, pre-baby (4 years ago). Finding clothes I like that are comfortable (paramount!) is hard, as well as the sort of emotional effort of it all (don't love looking in the mirror, thinking about myself). I need new glasses - 2 years ago my prescription changed and I haven't got myself any new glasses yet. My winter boots (had them years) have got a hole in... they were leaking last winter. I always need to go to the hairdressers, but I hate that and put it off.

I feel like I'm a disgusting person as sometimes I don't clean myself for 2 days. Outwardly, I'm a professional mother, but I feel dirty and horrible and disorganised and a mess inside. I think my husband sees bits of it and I feel ashamed. It used to be easier to "hide" but as I get older and my body needs more maintaining, I feel like I look awful as well as being internally awful.

Is anyone else like this, can you relate? My kids are clean and have everything they need, my house is clean, I work a professional job. It's like a secret shame.

I have felt this more over the past few years. Lately I’ve built up a wardrobe of really comfortable clothes to try to combat the not wanting to get dressed.

Trousers from Ninepine. Tops from BAM; some from Hush and White Company. Socks also from BAM- knickers and bra tops from Boody. Trainers from Allbirds.

These are my soft hug clothes that I wear most days. They look ok, but most importantly, they are soft and don’t restrict me in any way.

I do struggle with clothes. I have lots in the wardrobe that I never put on because I know they are too hot, or the seam doesn't ever sit right, or hose knickers cut in slightly. It's a real achievement when I get clothing that is comfortable, and I'm always gutted when I can't wear it anymore (hence keeping things forever 😆) I also need to take off my clothes when I get in, sometimes I can't actually concentrate on something else because I'm too busy thinking about how uncomfortable I am. I can get panicky about wearing something too restrictive. Ditto jewellery - haven't worn my wedding ring in about 4 years because I just can't stand having it on 🤣

This strikes a bit of a chord, and is the stuff my husband said was like me when a woman at his job talked about having ADHD. Petrol always runs down to fumes. I do pick parts of my body, I am not good at being on top of "life admin" and have even put things off and cost myself on £800 fine for something because I couldn't face doing it. I haven't claimed expenses at work for 2 years because I can't sort out the process of uploading documents etc onto the system. I don't even know my password. I just booked the kids into the dentist after putting it off over a year (that one I feel absolutely terrible about). Weirdly, I don't forget about any of that stuff though, I actually think about it and feel bad about it all the time, but can't do it

God I'm finding this thread cathartic, saying all this stuff "out loud"!!!

Washing and drying my hair is the thing I hate, especially because it doesn't look that amazing at the end of the process.

I would shave it all off and get a wig, but I've heard they are just as much work to maintain .

I’m another one who relates to much of this. I also suspect I have ADHD. I haven’t been assessed but my DD is diagnosed with it, as is my maternal uncle.

I actually quite like showering but don’t like getting dressed or getting changed. I don’t like brushing my teeth and hate flossing so much that I mostly don’t bother, even though I really need to. Going to the hairdressers is something I manage twice a year and I hate it. I always decline the head massage as I don’t enjoy it. I don’t like clothes shopping and don’t enjoy fashion or style- I just don’t get it and I also don’t really care! So I just wear leggings and hoodies. I rarely brush my hair (it’s wild and wavy whether I brush it or not so really makes no difference as I have it back in a ponytail/claw clip 99% of the time). I can’t remember the last time I moisturised my body. I only do my face because otherwise my skin feels tight.

Everything feels like an enormous effort so much of the time.

@anythinginapinch I understand your irritation and I would save myself some trouble by avoiding that kind of comment. However - there are few conditions that do not lie on a spectrum - both physical and mental and that includes cancer (to cut the long version short). Our mental and physical diagnoses do not 'cut nature at the joints' - we make categories and thresholds that we find medically meaningful mostly in terms of treatment. These things shift all the time.

I'm pretty sure I (and my daughter) have inattentive adhd and I can identify with this.

It tends to go hand in hand with low energy and overwhelm for me.

I'd recommend a book called 'smart but scattered' which talks about the executive functions. You can score and and see your stronger and weaker executive functions and it gives to tasks to improve them.

I'm much better than I was since I've had children and have found ways to force myself to do things - normally but doing them immediately ( or they risk dropping out of my mind or never getting done)

Before children I was the cliche of - putting a wrapper in the bin, finding the bin full, emptying but realising there is no space in the bin and no bin bags etc. Jobs sort of stacked and accumulated and it made me feel shame. Its no wonder its hard to start a job when that's your experience!

I never dry my hair, I have one of those hair turbans that I put on and then I after a while I take that off and leave it to dry naturally. If it's still damp by bedtime I might wave the hairdryer at it

I do straighten it if I have to go out, otherwise it does it's own thing