AIBU to think maybe some people just like this... or is it me??

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I find getting dressed weirdly challenging. Same for showering. Same for brushing my teeth. Sometimes I'm late because of putting these routines off. I often put them off so long I then tell myself I have got time and skip them, or make myself late. Sometimes I even lock the door and pretend to shower but can't get in. Wider routines like moisturising or stretching feel beyond me.

I find shopping for clothes really hard, and I have barely anything that fits me and everything is ancient and bobbled and sometimes too small, pre-baby (4 years ago). Finding clothes I like that are comfortable (paramount!) is hard, as well as the sort of emotional effort of it all (don't love looking in the mirror, thinking about myself). I need new glasses - 2 years ago my prescription changed and I haven't got myself any new glasses yet. My winter boots (had them years) have got a hole in... they were leaking last winter. I always need to go to the hairdressers, but I hate that and put it off.

I feel like I'm a disgusting person as sometimes I don't clean myself for 2 days. Outwardly, I'm a professional mother, but I feel dirty and horrible and disorganised and a mess inside. I think my husband sees bits of it and I feel ashamed. It used to be easier to "hide" but as I get older and my body needs more maintaining, I feel like I look awful as well as being internally awful.

Is anyone else like this, can you relate? My kids are clean and have everything they need, my house is clean, I work a professional job. It's like a secret shame.

For some reason I find brushing my teeth a total PITA. Have no idea why as it isn’t hard to do but I have to force myself every time.
Hate having my hair cut.

For things like moisturising can you keep the bottle close to wear you work, or sit and watch TV etc. I keep my hand moisturiser on my book case next to my desk so I remember to do it.

Suncream by the front door and hang a mirror to check you've rubbed it in.

Toothbrush in the kitchen and do them whilst the kettle boils etc.

That would reduce your morning demands and spread them out.

Thanks for the solidarity and the practical tips. I don't even understand myself why these things are so difficult. I have the physical energy, but I think there is an element of "if it's not perfect I can't do it" - that definitely spills over into work! It's so good to hear that it's not uncommon to find this stuff hard.

To the PPs who mentioned low mood or neurodiversity, I do have anxiety (have since being a child) and I'm definitely worse at all this stuff when my anxiety is bad. I'm nearly 40, so I think I'd probably know about it by now if I had ADHD, but you're right that some tips would be really useful.

Toothbrush in the kitchen is actually a really good idea!

Have you tried music to help, make a playlist on Spotify that covers your morning routine and give each group of songs a job

Shower to Spice Girls
Dry and dressed to Destiny's child
Breakfast and teeth to Backstreet boys

Perhaps 10 minutes to each of your favourite artists and you'll know which jobs to get done. I work way better and complete tasks much quicker if. Have a deadline - even if it's a musical one. The task becomes secondary to beating the clock. Of course sometimes deadlines have the opposite effect so worth a bit of trial and error.

I find it much easier to shower later in the morning - if I do the school run then go to the gym, it’s easy for me to hop in the shower afterwards. It feels really really hard first thing in the morning.

I used to cycle to work and shower there, and that was super easy too. It’s just getting straight up out of bed and into the shower that I can’t face (also hate evening showers as I’m winding down then).

I was like this when I had clinical depression. Everything was too much effort, but I could put on my game face and go to work. It was like being an actor, then when I got home, I would crash and need to sleep.

@Singleandproud I love how you've pitched your music suggestions perfectly to my age 🤣 I often use a timer to help get things done. I'll set it for 3 mins and try to shower in that time. Or I'll count to 60 in my head and try to get dressed before I'm there. I've never told anyone I do that coz I always felt daft haha

@Saschka

@unsync I'm sorry you've had some hard times in the past. I definitely put a face on and feel like an actor in my own life when my anxiety it bad, so I can empathise. I've been depressed before and all this got way worse, but I've been like this my whole life so I think it's just a part of how I'm made up. But several poster have mentioned mental health so I'm going to consider it a bit, thank you

@Saschka YES I i feel the same - hard to shower first thing, but also in the evenings because I'm winding down! I have noticed it's easier after dinner while the kids are watching TV, or while they are in the bath, so maybe that should bey new shower time.

Have a look at Pathological Demand Avoidance and see if it rings any bells. My DS1 is like this and I am to a lesser extent.

Also Google executive function.

Hi hate brushing my teeth it’s such a chore I only do it in the morning oops

Yes, this is me. I always assumed it was a sensory/transition thing related to my autism but maybe not if it’s what NT also do.

I am the same. I really struggle with any sort of basic maintenance and self care.
With showering/washing hair etc, it is a sensory thing. I have to wear gloves when I wash my hair as I can't stand them being wet.
I wear the same stuff all the time, until it walks itself to the washing machine. And I don't have a summer/winter wardrobe... I just wear the same all year round. Buying clothing is impossible unless it is something simple like socks.
My house the same too. It is a shithole.
Everything just seems so complex and my brain can't seem to see each task as an isolated one. They are all linked. People can say "oh, just put some music on and brush your teeth"... but what music? My radio is in the kitchen and a bit greasy, so I better clean that first. Oh, I ran out of cleaning stuff so will need to go out and buy some first. I can't go out because I need to shower... but I have no clean clothes and it is silly putting dirty clothing on a clean body. Oh, and I need to brush my teeth. Arg.... it is so frustrating. One time, my excuse for not having a shower was that I needed to clean my fridge. It was linked! (several steps inbetween).
I have tried making lists, and I have tried apps like Finch. They do not work for me.
The only thing I do look after properly is my dog.

I feel like this, though less than I used to. Get a waterproof bluetooth speaker (there are cheap ones on amazon) and distract yourself with a podcast or audiobook while you shower. I also like having a 'minimal expectations' version of showering and tooth-brushing, where you tell yourself you're just going to get in, get wet, and soap the important parts, but then sometimes once you're in it's actually fairly easy to keep going and do a hairwash and full scrub. This one sounds silly but I also like saying "Showering - never as bad as you think" when I get out of the shower, sometimes to my partner, sometimes to myself, like a radio jingle. I think I have actually finally convinced myself that showering really isn't ever as bad as you think, and it makes me laugh..

This is all very familiar. For a long time I resisted an ADHD diagnosis because I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon of the latest trendy illness or condition, but certain symptoms made it impossible to ignore (stimulants such as caffeine send me to sleep. As a teenager taking speed calmed me rather than wound me up) so I've ended up accepting it. While I (at the moment) refuse to medicate, accepting that it's not 'all mt fault' has relieved some of the self-disgust. Get yourself checked, you may be surprised. You don't have to label yourself but going towards some self-acceptance is helpful.

Yes, I hate all of that nonsense.

I hate showering or bathing, because I don't like getting wet. I wear my hair long and get it cut once or twice a year, because the faff is mind-numbing (fortunately it's naturally curly and kinf does its own thing). Even changing clothes is a pain in the tits.

I am genuinely baffled by people who find things like spa days / manicures / massages etc relaxing. They're my idea of hell.

I mean, obviously I do shower and wear clothes etc because I'm self-aware enough to realise that they're necessary in civilised society, but I wish they weren't.

You're not alone, OP.

OMG I have found my people. I am insanely jealous of Sabrina the teenage witch in the new series who just snaps her fingers to be "ready" for the day or change clothes. Going to the hairdresser is in the same bracket as the dentist for me.

Stupid thing is I love clothes and dressing up, but if I don't have a reason for it I won't. Some of it is definitely due to situational depression and burn out after a few shitty years (widowed, lost business, forced house move etc etc) but I've also always been reasonably low maintenance and tend to not believe I'm worthy of self care. I'd feel like a fraud going for a spa day.

Funnily enough whole pursuing some light mental health support the support worker suggested ADHD but I'm 55 and all I could hear in my head was my late Mum telling me to pull myself together. She was very stoic and we had a good relationship for the most part but there's some unpicking to be done there. One day. When I've stopped procrastinating.

But I can hide it really well. My friends see me as eccentric and Bohemian and glamorous, but scratch the surface and Waynetta is lurking.

I'm hoping I'll grow up one day.....

ADHD diagnosis here and that's pretty close to how I can get.

@MistressoftheDarkSide

Going to the hairdresser is in the same bracket as the dentist for me

I am have uttered the same line on MN on a similar thread. It is horrible, I hate it... I hate being touched, I hate being sat infront a mirror, I hate being the focus of someone else, I hate the small talk.. The first time I went to a salon was in my 30s, and the hairdresser said I "looked terrified".
As a kid, I would cry when I had my hair brushed or cut by my mum.
My hair is ropey and split endy as hell. Last time I had a trim was before Covid.

I just can not relate to someone who sees it as a treat.

I'm really surprised that ADHD has been mentioned several times here. Last year my husband attended some training through his job about neurodiversity, and he came home and said the description of ADHD sounded like me. But I'm not impulsive or chaotic (sorry if these are awful, outdated stereotypes). And wouldn't I know by now?

I've just put off having a shower tonight as it's "too late."

Add to the list of things I can't be arsed with - chiropodist. I forgot the last appointment and will have to pay extra this week.

I really can't be arsed to go out the house, fortunately I am retired. I have to take the cats to the vets tomorrow (check up) don't want to go. Gave up Slimming World as couldn't be arsed to go out

I hate the going to bed routine, I just want to fall into bed but I have to clean my CPAP humidifying chamber Every Single Day. I always forget to do it first thing in the morning.

I think the word on my grave will be procrastinator

Me too, @Purplebunnie, I am a terrible procrastinator, especially if there's any kind of unpleasant emotion attached to the task (guilt, perfectionism, etc).

I get it op. I make myself but it's a battle with my head. Clothes aren't an issue now because I can buy online and I know what to buy (seasalt jersey dresses, plus bamboo leggings in winter)

ADHD / autism

Look up task paralysis

It's one of those things that affects everyone differently - and I was well into my 40s before I knew. Well I mean I always knew there was...something. I still struggle with the idea, it's only the fact that there are literal physical effects that have made me face it. My solution to insomnia these days is a can of Coke. That's not normal so in many ways it's a relief to have an explanation. To know I'm not 'wrong', I'm just different. It's made my internal dialogue kinder.

Maybe that's not your problem, maybe it's something completely different but it's certainly worth checking.