How much do you need to earn for 3 kids?

[Allthegoodnamesaregonegone]

When you don’t live in London and have very average expenses?

for arguments sake, I googled and saw the average mortgage is £1400
average heating for 4/5 people is £200 a month (British Gas website)

assume no ‘bad debts’ and no private school

id love another kid, if possible, but I do see on here often on the cost of a third and that being a large factor, so I’d like to understand what is the amount people think you need to earn pre tax to live comfortably with 3.

Yes I did and yes he did for a year and it was a really bad experience for him. He’s also in his mid 30s. My experience is that a huge huge part of it revolved around drinking. Glad that’s not the case for your kids. But from our experience that’s what we witnessed that’s then compounded by the loan repayments.

It wasn’t my experience…. Loads of sociaties where drinking wasn’t big. But trust me… nowadays students are more into the gym than pub!

sorry to hear that your husband hated, and to be still paying it off 16-18 years later must be a bitter pill to swallow!

But anyway I won’t take you off down that path OP!

The combination of a number of important factors means that quite clearly you and your husband can make it work.

I think he was a bit of a cautionary tale, fell in hugely with the wrong crowd. Then went dropped out, but then started again after re doing his a levels but this time at home and commuting, which worked out really well for him.

Poor chap, sounds like a tough time

It was bless! But making of him really! Think it takes a lot of self awareness at 18 to realise you’re in a bad situation and remove yourself and then take yourself back to school with kids 2 years below you

And I imagine family was disappointed given what you have suggested re culture

Holidays with 3 are fab. We always get interconnecting rooms and the 3 of them go in one room or next year I’ve booked a huge suite.

The extra child does actually add on much more than you’d think! 10 days in Ibiza is costing £12.5k and if we just had 2… £8.5k!

I think and this is a generational thing, they were unaware of the situation he found himself in. Then it was very very taboo to have moved away, so mostly they are happy he came back

sounds judgey and unsupportive

hopefully if your child wants to trot off to a uni a few hours away (and it’s not oxbridge!) because wants to have a more fuller student experience - then he will remember their lack of support and be fully behind them

We have 3, never did the maths. Just figured it out as we went. Biggest things that make a difference is needed a people carrier to fit three car seats in, holidays can be problematic because everything is set up for families of 4 (having said that we've nearly always done camping/caravan/self catering). Also I went part time and had grandparent help so never had the full time nursery costs. If you'll be paying nursery fees for 3 years per child that will make a huge difference. At the other end, bear in mind paying for them to go to uni costs an absolute fortune. The one thing I'd have done if we could is to save up in advance for that. We have one away now and second one from next year, will be skint despite having paid off our mortgage.

Probably not because both of us know the environment

What environment?

and you think universities all have the same environment for all groups of students?

You didn’t enjoy your experience going away to uni?

So this is a faith based thing and it’s ok if you don’t understand but the drivers are as follows

the partying drinking culture- which is huge, it’s what freshers week is all about
co ed living
there is also living without a guardian (admittedly less of a thing)

I did go away to uni, but I come from a different background to DH. Tbh in those halls was some of the worst times of my life

I am surprised both you went away in the first place then!

But certainly don’t pour negativity over going away to uni to your own children

It’s not negativity it’s a faith based values and it is rare for Muslim kids to move away for uni.

as I said I came from a different community.

but there is a lump sum available or there will be. How that works in practice, may manifest differently. We may end up selling my late GMs house to buy one in the university town they attend. Who can tell

Yes so I’m surprised that your husband went away in the first place!

And my point about you not being negative about it was because you hated the experience, nothing to do with culture or faith as you said that was the case for your husband

Because some of it is quite personal and it was all things that went hugely against our faith and that’s why it was so bad for us

I’m really confused!

i thought you said you and dh came from different cultures from each other and his was against going away for uni.

yours was too?

cultures yes Faith no…

but the reason it was so bad for us was because basically of the ‘haram’ as we’d say. I’m trying to be a bit obtuse because I don’t want this to derail into a faith based discussion

Baffling then that both of you decided to go!

i was pushed to go (non Muslim parents)

DH went for the lifestyle which heavily heavily backfired

It would mean us cutting back hugely on that salary with our 3 children, but that would have applied for 2 children too for us, but yes - it is doable. Surely there are lots of families with 3 children that do it on that salary at less.