How much do you need to earn for 3 kids?

[Allthegoodnamesaregonegone]

When you don’t live in London and have very average expenses?

for arguments sake, I googled and saw the average mortgage is £1400
average heating for 4/5 people is £200 a month (British Gas website)

assume no ‘bad debts’ and no private school

id love another kid, if possible, but I do see on here often on the cost of a third and that being a large factor, so I’d like to understand what is the amount people think you need to earn pre tax to live comfortably with 3.

You’re not offending me, I don’t live in London though so it’s irrelevant what’s high in London

I don’t really like those google Ai summaries, they’re often inaccurate.

this is what I’ve found for the same search. One of from starling bank so I’d say a bit more accurate

OP said in her OP she’s not in London.

OP if you’d have come onto MN stating your salary saying you wanted a 3rd but you felt your wages were too low, and “not very high” you’d have your arse handed to you on a plate. You can’t win!

And the autism question was bloody rude and unnecessary.

Yes I agree

It’s also unnecessary. It has 0 impact on debating whether to have kids. Some people just like to put others down. Like the discussion of London salaries, it’s very nice but the average salary in London is not £100k and even if it where its not relevant, or it’s of equal relevance to the average salary in NYC or Dubai.

As an aside, some of the most brilliant minds I’ve encountered have been from people who are ND. Really grates my cheese when people band about autism as an insult

Do you and your husband both have your parents still around?

Agreed
my son for example - ND and one of the finest brains I know!

I can’t read the entire thread as so long but did you say you are ND?

No I didn’t, because to the best of my knowledge I’m not. It’s just what that poster said, I imagine as some sort of insult

Our dads passed away within ina year of each other, both relatively suddenly and oddly enough both of similar causes.

as a result our mothers moved closer, they are both retired

So MIL really just has her house, she’s not wealthy. But when the time comes that will be ours.

re my mother she is much more wealthy, assets prob just shy of £1m. Most of that in her home, her late mothers home and then investments. She left her house and rented a place closer.

what she’s debating is IF we expand our family, there is this gorgeous gorgeous house we know the seller for. 7 bed including a purpose built annex, a play room and 5 big doubles. She’d sell her house and us ours and all the equity from her property would go to that one, in our names of course. We wouldn’t really need a mortgage but could take a small one to keep some liquidity. The house is in a beautiful and well off area. But due to rates the luxury market is slow Then the house is also our retirement, and when the kids are grown, we’d sell and downsize. We’d sell my late grandmothers and give some of that to the children to prop up their investments. In fact that’s going on the market to investors in the new year.

she won’t really be in need of the cash as her living expenses but would probably give us £500 a month for food and bills, which would leave her with far more disposable income than she has currently.

^ response to the question of inheritance

the OP will receive responses she’s not happy with.

as a mum of 3 (and my sister too) we have just chatted about what the OP envisions and the two of us shuddered. Sounds very stressful.

Do you outsource anything OP? At the very least I hope you have a cleaner!

There’s no point starting a thread on balancing, if I’m blessed enough to conceive and shit ain’t working I’ll whack up a thread then

What sounds exhausting? Working FT with 2 kids? I’d say it’s pretty average. What an odd thing to say. We both work a 9/5, there’s many hours left in the day to clean and meal prep

much to my chagrin we do have a gardener which I consider wholly unnecessary but my husband refuses so outsources. I’ve debated about getting a cleaner but I feel weird about someone coming into my house

Working FT with 3 kids. And very young kids. Who if they know their parents are in the house after school… sort of generally want to be with them!
sharing an office in the conservatory with your husband full time

mum of 3 here. Sister too. And all the other mums of three on this very thread. Not a single one involves both parents working full time with 3 very young children. Let alone sharing the conservatory office full time with your hubby.

OP, all I’m saying is that i agree with other poster. You are absolutely sure that reasonable financially so… move on from that.

Maybe now consider whether it’s actually in the interests of the two existing children, and indeed you and your husband (and your mum!)

Sorry can’t post more as got to do weekend clubs!

That would just be one day a week. Luckily they have a tremendous relationship with their grandmothers so it would be a real treat for them to hang out with them or at theirs (which we could also do) after school one day a week.

problem gets even less strenuous if we move forward on the house with an annex

You must really really want a third!

Financially, no I couldn’t have had my 3 on that income but that was because of what we had planned for them. More than that , I don’t think I’d have had it In me if 3 involved doing as you suggest logistically.

However you say not too different from what is already the case, so you and you family are made of hardier stuff than me and mine!

All the best for ivf

You'll probably feel differently when the time comes. It's hard to say no when all their friends are choosing their unis. You'll want the best for them.

We also spend £££ on tutors because my son is struggling with some of his GCSEs, and then £5,500 on uni accommodation for his sister - and that's really cheap - some are £10k.

Costs for teenagers are huge compared to when they're small. We have 4 and I wouldn't wish it any other way but it's expensive.

Good point

I don’t give a hoot about labels so struggle with my daughter’s focus on it.

but you know what… she’s a teenager, it’s a tricky time, and so what if I can’t relate to her desire for labels. I don’t want her feeling left out, so I buy her clothing that I could easily buy from new look for 15% of the price!

its a bit different for us…

drinking culture etc is not something we’d want our kids to be around, so the whole rite of passage thing just isn’t the case for us.

regardless there will be a lump sum for them IF for purely academic purposes they have to do a degree that can’t be done at a local uni. Or oxbridge

Yes you know what I do. This thread has really solidified that for me. I think before I was hesitant almost wanting permission, perhaps as self protectionism if it wasn’t to happen. But now I know I really really do want it and financially we’ll be fine

Did you or your husband go away to uni?

Because if you did, and I’m guessing your husband did go if he’s still paying off his debts in late thirties, then you’ll know that drinking culture is only one tiny aspect that is applicable to some. And certainly nowadays there is MUCH less student drinking.?

I have 1 at uni (2 at home) and he doesn’t drink. Neither does his best mate. And even amongst wider social circle - it’s MUCH more about fitness and healthy eating than down the pub!

the living away from home student experience for many is about SO SO much more than just boozing.

Given you will be gently encouraging they stay at home, given you have no intention of private schooling, given your holiday budget, given how you don’t intend to get caught up in fact that many teens love their (expensive!!) labels etc etc…. I think you will easily afford 3.