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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So if your friend lost 5 stone in 6 months .. would you wonder how ?

386 replies

AboutVattime · 05/10/2024 19:33

Just inquisitive.. my best friend has always been obese. About 22 stone. I have worried about her health silently for a very long time.. she started Mountjaro in April and is now 14 st. I am completely thrilled for her . Her blood pressure is now 'upper' but not ' see your healthcare provider' .. her heart 'murmurs' have ceased.. I am worried that when she come to the end of her treatment she's will just gain it all again. It is without a miraculous drug.. she has struggled to afford...she is incredibly good with money and financially planned every inch of her journey so that her treatment equalled less than her cost of food consumption.. but only in the short term ( she planned 8 months but goal in 6)

My AIBU is ..I see the amazing difference , she is so happy for the first time in a long time after years of weight watchers, slimming world, Cambridge diet.. low carb, NHS gastric band..(15 years ago which helped but only ever got her to 16 stone before piling it back on) .. she has found one of the Mountjaro providers who will prescribe a maintenance dose...

But she can't afford it long term. It will be £189 per month without a discount.. AIBU to say I can pay this for her. She is my very best friend . I love her new found sense of self confidence.. and don't want it to go.. the money is not an issue for me . I am extremely comfortable and struggle to spend. However would love to help someone I love very much.

Just for complete transparency I had crept over into 'unhealthy' zone as also had osteoporosis in knees. Also took Mountjaro for 2 months and know how incredible it is. I have kept it off for 5 months without a maintenance dose .. it just reinforced healthy eating recipes for me . . But I haven't been morbidly obese

OP posts:
Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 20:16

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:13

Actually it is quite simple. You just need an off button and don't eat crap.

Show quote history

Oh and here is another one.

Would you tell someone who is dyslexic to just learn to spell.

or someone with adhd to just learn not to have it?

Do you expect people with anorexia to just start eating?

People with depression to just buck up?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 05/10/2024 20:21

I don't know . It's nice of you to think of offering but I think it gives a power imbalance to the friendship . £189 for ever is a lot of money . A one off is different. I would expect your friend to refuse. I would.

Island2513 · 05/10/2024 20:21

ItTook9Years · 05/10/2024 20:15

I keep my blood sugar stable and insulin down through diet. Good gut health and energy levels and enough weight training to build muscle and bone density to protect me in later life.

You may not worry about the long term effects of increased insulin, but I would. And the side effects may come after years rather than months on the stuff.

increased numbers of people with cancer (a field I’ve spent time working in) or pancreatitis doesn’t sound like much of a win to me for the NHS or anyone else.

Show quote history

And what do you think the long term health outcomes are for people with obesity? What meds may they end up having to take for life instead? What impact does obesity have on the nhs?

Why do you think they can stay consistently in a calorie deficit with the drug when for decades they’ve not been able to without it?

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:22

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 20:16

Oh and here is another one.

Would you tell someone who is dyslexic to just learn to spell.

or someone with adhd to just learn not to have it?

Do you expect people with anorexia to just start eating?

People with depression to just buck up?

Show quote history

Obesity is caused by eating too much, eating ultra processed foods, and generally by a poor diet.

The jury is out on the causes of adhd and dyslexia. We know that depression is often down to serotonin and chemical imbalances. But we do know the causes of obesity. You need an off button, self discipline and to take personal responsibility for your own health by controlling what you eat.

So don't keep bullshitting people that obesity is anything other than overeating. That is exactly what it is.

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 05/10/2024 20:23

What if you offered half? That way it's still part on her in terms of decision making and working towards eventually coming off but without the cliff edge?

If you are going to offer I would present it as 'I've been so impressed with the progress you've made. Can I help you sustain it'.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 20:24

Well I don't eat crap, never have 🤷‍♀️

For thirty years while dieting I ate 1300 calories of a Mediterranean diet

Then after the sleeve gastrectomy I ate 1000 calories of a Mediterranean diet

Now on Mounjaro I eat 2 chicken breasts and Greek salad for my 600 calories every day. I need to stay on this forever - once I lose the weight I might be lucky and can maintain at 800 calories

I've eaten the same way since I started dieting when I was 20 - no upfs, no interest in bad food

I'm just short, slight thyroid issues, syndrome x. Just very weight loss resistant.

KindOf · 05/10/2024 20:25

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:22

Obesity is caused by eating too much, eating ultra processed foods, and generally by a poor diet.

The jury is out on the causes of adhd and dyslexia. We know that depression is often down to serotonin and chemical imbalances. But we do know the causes of obesity. You need an off button, self discipline and to take personal responsibility for your own health by controlling what you eat.

So don't keep bullshitting people that obesity is anything other than overeating. That is exactly what it is.

Show quote history

Whoah, and no one has ever been this simplistic about it before, ever. Well done. Everyone who reads this is having a revelation.

Yes, absolutely, obesity is caused by putting too much of the wrong foods in your body, obviously, but the reasons people do it, and are so reliant on it, are far more complex. And you can’t ever go cold turkey.

Runskiyoga · 05/10/2024 20:25

No, I think it would be unwise to make this offer, which might be enthusiastically accepted to start with but have unpredictable consequences for your friendship. Just be a great friend and support, in good times and bad.

SummerSnowstorm · 05/10/2024 20:26

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 19:52

Everyone who has taken the momentous decision to pay for this healthcare and save the nhs FORTUNES should get this for free once they're in the healthy weight band

End of.

I am doing this. I will not be able to afford this forever. I am insanely weight loss resistant, I am well under 5 foot.

I spent £17000 on a sleeve gastrectomy when I hit menopause. I was starving, I had been restricting for decades to 1300 calories, I have willpower beyond belief. I put up with being hungry every moment of every day. I was 5 stone overweight.

The gastric sleeve took me down to not being hungry on 1000 calories.

I lost 5 stone. I stopped losing. I was still overweight.

Mounjaro has taken me down to 600-800 calories without hunger. I have lost a further 2 stone.

I still need to lose 2 stone to get to 23 bmi, 7 stone. Bang in the middle of acceptable for my height.

I will need this drug forever. Or I will be hungry on 600 calories. I cannot cope with being hungry and putting weight on.

Every member of my family has died with obesity and heart disease, younger than they're supposed to have done. My mother at 61, father 63, grandparents 54, 66.

The nhs will SAVE MONEY OVERALL giving me this drug

This drug means I can walk 10 miles a day, have masses of energy. Run a team in the nhs, work full time

I am worth living without the threat of obesity because I happen to be (normally) hungry when I can only eat 600 calories.

Surely if it's only £45 a week then it's just the weekly food shop money that you're saving by eating less going on the medication instead?

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:27

This reply has been deleted

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AnneLovesGilbert · 05/10/2024 20:27

I can’t see how it wouldn’t be extremely awkward to offer her money. You know her better than anyone here but needing to ask on here suggests you think it’s risky.

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 20:27

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:22

Obesity is caused by eating too much, eating ultra processed foods, and generally by a poor diet.

The jury is out on the causes of adhd and dyslexia. We know that depression is often down to serotonin and chemical imbalances. But we do know the causes of obesity. You need an off button, self discipline and to take personal responsibility for your own health by controlling what you eat.

So don't keep bullshitting people that obesity is anything other than overeating. That is exactly what it is.

Show quote history

Yes, people, even obese people know how they put weight on.

Why do you think obese people are stupids and don’t know that.

The reason obese people eat to much is hugely varied and has lots of causes. Including adhd, depression, press and other mental health problems. Lots of things ranging from childhood trauma, to upbringing to becoming ill later on all impacts wether people can self regulate with food.

Obesity IS more than just overeating. Just like being an alcoholic is more than just having an occasional drink.

The one full of bullshit, is you I am afraid.

Notice you ignored my point about anorexia. If obese people could just get a grip and self regulate, you must believe people with anorexia could also just get grip and eat?

CorbyTrouserPress · 05/10/2024 20:28

PrincessofWells · 05/10/2024 20:22

Obesity is caused by eating too much, eating ultra processed foods, and generally by a poor diet.

The jury is out on the causes of adhd and dyslexia. We know that depression is often down to serotonin and chemical imbalances. But we do know the causes of obesity. You need an off button, self discipline and to take personal responsibility for your own health by controlling what you eat.

So don't keep bullshitting people that obesity is anything other than overeating. That is exactly what it is.

Show quote history

But why do so many people overeat?

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 20:28

Yes, quite right. Fine for now while I'm working - it's still a lot of money

But for the next 25 years before I die? When I will save the nhs hundreds of thousands?

The bottom line is this SAVES MORE MONEY and is literally going to transform healthcare

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 20:29

That was to summersnowstorm

Island2513 · 05/10/2024 20:29

Honestly I think I would rather be a lazy, greedy, obese person than a morally superior, ignorant, judgemental thin person 🙄

CatKitt · 05/10/2024 20:29

It's like saying alcoholism is caused by drinking too much. "You need an off button, self discipline and to take personal responsibility for your own health by controlling what and how you drink".

Ah well...if only there was a 'why' for some alcoholics/obese people. If only they would heed this wisdom. If only the why behind the drinking/eating/weight gain can be solved. If only there was an aid to help with self control/chemical imbalance/lack of GLP-1, therefore stop the drinking/eating/weight gain or addiction...oh wait... <enters Mounjaro>

SummerSnowstorm · 05/10/2024 20:30

CorbyTrouserPress · 05/10/2024 20:12

As she can’t even get the name right, I highly doubt this. It’s called Mounjaro.

Show quote history

That's a very simple way of the company being able to deny any involvement

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 20:31

princessofwells

It's not overeating unless you genuinely think people ought to be ok living on a 1000 calories while being hungry ?

We have such a thing as a set point. The body fights to get to it.

If you're lucky it's a healthy weight but for the actual majority of people now it pushes them into the overweight category

Which costs businesses and the nhs millions probably billions

since1986 · 05/10/2024 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OhcantthInkofaname · 05/10/2024 20:32

I would be grateful for the offer. But I would help her do some shopping for a more reasonable priced maintenance dose as well. I've heard of several lower.

Gladicalled · 05/10/2024 20:33

SummerSnowstorm · 05/10/2024 20:30

That's a very simple way of the company being able to deny any involvement

Show quote history

The manufacturers are making a fortune. I don’t think they could be arsed posting here to get a few extra sales.

I would believe that op was planning on sharing her discount code, so she gets further discounts though. A couple of suppliers have these schemes.

NamechangeRugby · 05/10/2024 20:33

SummerSnowstorm · 05/10/2024 20:30

That's a very simple way of the company being able to deny any involvement

Show quote history

I was trying to articulate exactly this, thank you.

SummerSnowstorm · 05/10/2024 20:33

LaurieFairyCake · 05/10/2024 20:28

Yes, quite right. Fine for now while I'm working - it's still a lot of money

But for the next 25 years before I die? When I will save the nhs hundreds of thousands?

The bottom line is this SAVES MORE MONEY and is literally going to transform healthcare

Gym memberships do the same, but the nhs can't afford to pay for them for everyone.
Realistically if you can't afford £45 once retired then you also won't be able to afford the extra food to become obese again and then there won't be a health issue or cost to the nhs.

Notagain24 · 05/10/2024 20:34

I think it would be an incredibly kind thing to do, but only you know how she might react. One of my closest friends died a couple of years ago, i would definately pay £50 a week to have her still here with me, or even to never talk to me again, but still be alive.

Can you tell your friend you're scared that you'll lose her if the weight goes back on, and maybe pay for a lower maintenance dose if that sits better with her?