Do your parents or in laws have a favourite/golden child?

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If do what sort of things do they do that shows they are playing favourites.

Aibu to think that a lot of parents have a favourite without even realising or acknowledging it?

I left a similar post a while ago OP. You are right in my opinion.
I am the least favourite.
My mother adores my brother. He is the Prince in the family and she won't hear a bad word said against him. My sister is the little fragile princess who gets spoilt and treated thoughtfully.
I am the scapegoat and disappointment.
This is why I distance myself from them all as much as I can.
I think it is disgusting to show favouritism in such a way and it will impact me for the rest of my life.

Yes most definitely happens. I had an auntie sit me down and say that my mum would never love me, she only loves my brother. That was like a hit in the chest, I was about 13 years old at the time. A few days ago I had a dream of a deceased relative who said yes your mum does have a favourite, your brother. DH complains of the same. I won't go into it but it's very obvious. The lengths they go to help them while pretending we don't exist. My mum will text my kids and ignore me lol. It's batshit crazy.

Edit to add that I think we come out ok. Apparently it's worse in the long run for the golden child. The scapegoat is free.

Well.. I'm an only child and still not mum's favourite.

Neither me or my husband is the favourite but we both had/have parents who loved us.

Sometimes it stings though.

Oh my mother definitely did/does, she and I are nc now.

Growing up it would be if I did something stupid it was my fault entirely, if my brother (golden balls) did something stupid it was my fault too.

I smoked weed when I was 13, so when golden balls became addicted to heroin it was, naturally, my fault. I got caught shoplifting chocolate when I was 12 (and starving because my mother didn't feed me) and I was the most stupid idiot going, golden balls literally robbed a shop as an adult, obviously my fault. Even after my son died everything that golden balls did (going to jail, assaulting his girlfriend, robbing my mother) all my fault because I "couldn't keep my son alive".

Even now we have been nc for over 20 years I still get blamed for things, one if his girlfriends reported him for DV, clearly my fault for getting in her ear (never met her, don't know who she is), SS became involved with his dc, must have been me anonymously reporting it to be evil.

My mother definitely has a favourite, and it isn't me.

😂 with my mum/stepdad (my dad is dead), I think it’s me because I went NC with them last. All the others went NC probably a decade before, so I was last man standing and pretty much sole beneficiary of their will. I suspect them have moved on to adopting a random now to fill that role - probably a neighbour or random former colleague from when they were still working.

My parents didn't do this but my MIL did, although FIL did not.

MIL would have denied it hotly, but she very much favoured DH's younger brother. Brother was golden boy and could do no wrong, the sun shone out of his arse. He had a criminal record too and was a violent alcoholic who also did drugs.

FIL could see younger brother for what he was but MIL always defended him and bailed him out almost right up to the day she died. It didn't end well. He ended up a man child in his forties who had never even paid a single bill of his own and had no idea how to.

Inlaws certainly do.

They requested to go NC with us after we didn't do as they asked.

They have 3 children, only speak to one and are always boosting and gloating about them on FB. They can do no wrong.

They have 8 grandchildren and through their own choice only see 1 (GC from favourite DC)

Its ridiculous. They live less than a 5 minute walk from the others and want nothing to do with anyone other than the favourites.

My parents it’s me. However, I visit weekly, arrange to take them on holiday as they can’t go alone now, help in the garden and provide additional support. Step siblings haven’t been seen in 10 months, but ring regularly to remind them both how hard life is (while going to spas, putting up photos in Centre Parcs etc).
In laws- definitely my BIL. I gave up after producing Christmas one year and had to listen to them tell me all day how fabulous my SIL was. She had an affair and left my BIL about 2 years later.

My parents were very good at not being favourist between kids.

It's interesting with MIL that my oldest DC used to rather obviously be a favourite with her - as oldest has gone into teens and identified as non binary for a few years it's notable how MIL has transferred favourite status to DH's niece! DC is quite happy about this as does not like being around MIL, who is a difficult person and I don't really blame DC for feeling that way.

I would say most families are like this but the degree varies. In my DPs family it is subtle but in mine it’s really glaring (to me!). My DSiS is the golden child and while my parents love us both and help us both, she always comes first. For example, if we both need help with the kids, they’ll help her even if that means dropping plans with my kids. She also gets more financial help and massively better birthday presents (eg she gets diamond earrings and I get a second hand book, if I’m lucky). It’s very weird and deep rooted in our childhood.

What I find interesting is that often the golden child doesn’t realise they are favoured. When I started speaking to my dsis about it she was really surprised that I felt like I was treated worse. She hadn’t twigged.

My cousin was my Mum’s favourite. She was apparently “the daughter she never had.” So that made me feel wonderful.

Cousin didn’t come to my Mum’s funeral and once she ascertained she hadn’t been left anything in my Mum’s will I haven’t heard from her.

Well, this is the problem with sibling relationships — everyone has a competing narrative of favouritism/scapegoating, and they seldom match. I have four siblings. Each of my three sisters thinks she’s the least favourite, but each has a different nomination for ‘favourite girl’. The one thing we all agree on is that our brother (only boy and baby) is the favourite child.

I was the golden child - it was hell, if I ever messed up there was so much shame. I'd have happily swapped with my sisters any day. My mum eventually realised I wasn't perfect, she was so shocked that now she tells people she only has two daughters!

PIL favour BIL and it’s reflected in the treatment of the grandchildren. It hasn’t done BIL any good, he is a child like adult with little get up and go who is surprised by the difficulty of the world. It’s negatively impacted on DH and BIL’s relationship
which won’t do BIL much good in the long term because he doesn’t have many friends.

Yes. Youngest son and first born grandson - GS is not the son of youngest son but another brother.

She has given both of them ££££££ - to the youngest son when ever the slimy twat asks for money and to the grandson just because she want to. She doesn’t speak to her other 7 grandchildren including the kids of her golden son and the sibling of her golden grandchild.

she’s nuts.

I feel like I’m the favourite but maybe my parents just did a good job and we both feel like that.

If my mum has a favourite out of the three of us, none of us know who it is, I have a great relationship with all my siblings.

DH is one of 4 and he is the black sheep, it’s actually so sad and horrible to watch. I’ve never seen anyone be treated so badly by their own family before and by extension so am I and our children.
After almost two decades, it just became too much to handle and after slowly backing away in recent years, we’ve just called it quits this year. I cannot believe how much better we feel.

No longer having it rubbed in our faces how the other grandchildren are treated, being taken out and visited several times weekly whereas ours were probably spoken to/seen maybe 3 times per year and when they were they were shown videos and pictures of grandma and grandad taking their cousins out and oh what a fun time they all had etc the difference in treatment is worlds apart! My kids don’t need to be exposed to that shit.

When I look back at what has been said and done to us over the years I can’t believe I tried so hard for so long, I could write a book. What wasted years but onwards now and it’s already more positive.

I had / have this too . Comparing me with my cousin to others and saying how she wished she had a daughter like my cousin . There is a small age gap between us . It hurt like hell when I was growing up .

My in-laws favour their 3rd DC, my SIL. Always have according to DH. MIL still gives grown and married SIL £££ anytime she wants including large sums towards a house and then renovation and apparently intend to 'help' if they want to upsize. SIL is much nicer since having had her baby, but previous to that was so spoilt and even bratty, which was weird on an adult.

ETA that other SIL was the scapegoat and has been treated appallingly, and DH who was the eldest and the only boy, seemed to be somewhere in the middle of scapegoat and golden child.

It's the same for my DH (1 of 4). We tried really hard but it will never be good enough for my MIL. We are reducing contact before there are kids in the picture so at least they wouldn't be exposed to this.

Though I suppose there wouldn't be any 'other grandchildren' as 2 out of 4 have immigrated and they wouldn't come back much if at all. The one she is always protecting is the one living at home, she can do no wrong and is allowed to be as rude/obnoxious as she likes. She lives in her room and dh and I are treated as her playmates/punchbags so she gets some social interaction. I think we have had enough.

One reason why we felt obligated was cos MIL let us stay at home for ages which meant we bought our home in our 20s unlike his siblings though tbh we were more squatters than house guests ad MIL said we could stay for a time and we ended up overstaying our welcome due to a combination of bad luck (visa took 8 months(2016 to 2017), dh or I lost our jobs in 2017/2018, buying a flat in london took a year cos we got gazumped twice aka 2018 to 2019). We did fear we were going to be thrown out circa 2017 to 2018 and I guess 2018 to 2019, there wasn't much point asking us to leave as I was going on viewings every week to try to find a place to buy.

They do but it's really quite benign. There's just one that my dad in particular gels with. Just as you might get on with one aunt over another, they might like one more. But they love them all equally.

Out of the 3 of us, my sister and her kids are definitely the favoured ones by our mum.

DD (6) has a cousin who is the same age, my sisters daughter. I remember very well asking my mum if she would like to watch my DD in her first school nativity play. She declined saying it was too early for her. A few weeks later I discovered she had got up extra early to watch her other grand daughter in a dancing competition which in fact started earlier than the nativity play.

Ive also found messages between my mum and sister criticising me and saying I couldn’t cope with DD.

In DHs family, his sister is very protected. Can say WTF she likes and you’re then in the wrong for reacting.

Yes. We are both the eldest, and both the scapegoats.

DH is 1 of 2. SIL is favoured and so is her DC. Even though ours is less than a year younger. Really hurts me.

I am 1 of 3, middle DB is favoured just because my DM loved his DF more 😂 also I am a girl, so that is a problem for her too. I am older by many years - only DGC from us, blocked me on the day I gave birth due to me not wanting her at the birth.

Families are weird as f!!!!