Do your parents or in laws have a favourite/golden child?

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If do what sort of things do they do that shows they are playing favourites.

Aibu to think that a lot of parents have a favourite without even realising or acknowledging it?

So everyone seems to feel everyone else is a favourite but do people who think that admit to having their own?

My parents and inlaws have different relationship with their children as they are different peoplw and have different needs I don't see favouritism

My friends all used to pick up on the fact that my brother was the favourite. I could also give many more examples so it isn't all just in my head.

My favourite child changes daily - depends on which one is being less of a turd that particular day.

My grandma used to tell my siblings and I that our cousins were her favourite grandchildren. It was only when we were all teenagers that we found out she'd always told them we were her favourites 😂😂 Weird, weird woman.

Yes, this was my father too. He complained so much about his brother being the favourite, yet every single negative thing he experienced he repeated on me, plus a shed load more.
Its somehow worse when they know the negative impact on themselves and then choose to give that negativity to their own child. It adds anger to the hurt, for me anyway, because they WANT you to feel what they feel.

Looking for a hug emoji here.

My siblings and I had the same conversation, we all chose a different "golden child".
I have three children and definitely don't have a favourite, we each have a few things in common, although they've all become least favourite during the early teen years - grumpy and uncommunicative. Thankfully, they all seem to be out the other side now.

I love the fact that my brother is the favourite. We actually joke about it to each other. My DM is a difficult character and she relies on him far more emotionally and practically. I would not want that and I’m happy he fulfils that role for her.

I’m definitely my dads favourite, my other siblings joke about it but I’m sure it bothers them.

BUT I think the reason I became favourite is because I make an effort, I call him once a week without fail and usually visit every week too. This started after my DM died suddenly. I really made a conscious effort to build a relationship with him and ensure he sees his GC. The others don’t, sometimes going months without even a text, and because they see/speak to him less they feel it’s awkward. I’ve always explained it’s been me that made the effort with dad and not that he gave me any special treatment from the off, we’ve just built a better relationship

Yes, it's my sister. Academically bright, maths and sciences. Did her degree then got married. She and husband gently climbed the housing ladder and travelled the world.
I was a little rebellious. Dared to change career. Single parent in my late 30's. Mum was so ashamed.
Guess who visits my mum in care homes and hospitals? It's not my sister.

I am so sorry for the loss of your DS and for the shitty treatment from your mother.

My mum is looking after my sister's children this week, while she's in the Maldives.
I live an hour away from my mum. She last came to my place to see my kids 8 months ago.
I get on fine with my mum. But she used to moan that her own mother had favourites, and it amazes me that she can't see the similarity!

I was one parents favourite and the least favourite of the other parent.

Had a very dysfunctional family life growing up with violence, neglect and emotional abuse in the home.

I have one sibling and I've always felt my brother was mums favourite. Strangely he was also the most difficult as a young child. He would barely sleep and was always on the go and in to everything. I was the child who continually slept and was quiet. I can only put it down to the fact my mum lost her first child a few hours after birth, so she was exceptionally clingy to my DB. I wasn't even planned, she's admitted that. She was worried she'd have another child as difficult as my DB so didn't bond as well with me, and as a consequence I was "Daddy's girl" as he had to be my main carer. Ironically it's me that lives closer and does everything now mum is old and widowed. DB visits maybe once every several months, and rarely calls her.

I recall one Christmas, my first DD was just 10 months old and she was my parents' first grandchild. My DB, who would visit parents at Christmas, couldn't make it as he had flu. My mum sat there and said it was the worst Christmas for her as DB couldn't be there. This was her first Christmas as a grandmother. My in-laws were present and we all sat there gobsmacked at the comment.

My siblings and cousins would say I was my GP's favourite. It's more that they brought me up from age 7 so I was like a child to them (my siblings are all 9+ years older) rather than a grandchild. They loved us all, they just were basically landed with parenting me.

I'm my MIL's favourite 😂 DH and BIL both say it.

My parents were abusive and violent. They had different favourites depending on the day of the week/weather/how drugged up they were

I was always the least favourite though. The late mistake. I knew that was my nickname from the age of 4.

My sister got sent to boarding school because she was clever. I worked every evening in a hotel from 14 to pay for school trips, toiletries, clothes and often school uniforms. I unsurprisingly flunked my GSCE’s. Which just reinforces my mum’s view she did the right thing. I remember being so tired from working that I fell asleep during a history lesson and my teacher left me to sleep. This failure has affected the rest of my life and my sister who i indirectly funded through boarding school has flourished.

DH and I are both 'after thoughts' in our families. Both youngest of three and unplanned.

For both of us, our eldest DBs were the golden children. Their experiences and achievements were the most celebrated. Middle child was the most worried about.

Being third and unplanned meant that parents dropped the rope. In many ways that gave freedom and a lack of scrutiny. Parents just not that bothered.

My parents favoured one of my children (their GC) very obviously. We dealt with it by making a joke of it amongst ourselves and making sure our other children knew how much we loved them.

When the national lottery started my mum told everyone that if she won she would buy my brother a house and me a car.

My brother already owned a house, I was living in 1 room in hospital accommodation. I didn't want a car.

When my cousin got married I was absolutely brassic. I was a student. I could not afford to go to the wedding as it would involve an overnight stay.

My brother, his wife, three children and my parents attended.

The day after the wedding my mum paid my brother's bill.

Then my brother phoned to tell me off for not going to the wedding because, "Mum would have paid".

Both my husband and I are not the golden child. Very emotionally difficult for us both at times but made us determined not to do that to our 4 children. I think we’ve succeeded. I overheard our eldest speaking to his girlfriend who was worried that we preferred other brothers girlfriend to her- he said “ my parents don’t do favourites”. It was if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders that I didn’t even know I was carrying.

You know what's sad reading through this thread? That there are sooooooooooo many fucked up adults who never should have procreated, but did.

Yep.

Which is one of many reasons I never wanted children.

This

I'm the only girl and have 3 brothers (b1,and twins b2 and b3)

B2 is the favourite by a mile-I was only born to look after them in their old age

I smoked half a joint as a teen-its all my fault he's a full blown drug addict

I got pissed once aged 16,my fault he drinks way too much

He's never paid a bill in his life-all my fault for getting into a tiny bit of debt

I stole a cheap plastic bracelet as a child-all my fault he's stolen most of her jewellery and sold it

When I was about 14,I tried to kill myself-i buckled under a lot of pressure and just wanted out (our mother didn't even bother to go to the hospital with me,but slagged me off to everyone)

She certainly didn't offer support or get me any help

All my fault when he made a song and dance about wanting to die and disappeared for a few hours (all bollocks-he just wanted attention,he was found drugged off his face)

She went mental at me and stayed with him overnight and held his hand for months afterwards-a lot of support was put in place for him

Fast forward a year or two,and he got hit by a bus (somehow my fault) and as part of the insurance claim,he had to have a chat with some bloke about his mental status

He openly slagged me off and mentioned my attempts

All my fault he got less in compensation

I'm nc and somehow his choices are still all my fault!

They are in for a shock when they get older,I'm not coming back to do it for free and he won't wipe their arses for them for all the money in the world

You reap what you sow

Both DH and I had one parent each who clearly favoured a specific child. I am one of six siblings and he is one of two. All the attention and praise for them.

Both sets of our parents divorced.

When his Father and my Mother died within a year of each other they left their entire estates to their favourite child. Obviously there should have been a six way split with mine and a two way with DH. No care costs at all for FIL, some care costs at home for my Mother. I expected it but was outraged on DH behalf, at least I had other siblings to discuss it with. If all was equally split DH would have inherited 200k and I would have inherited 50k.

We honestly knew we were on our own throughout life and have been the most successful financially and career wise within our sibling groups by far.