Do your parents or in laws have a favourite/golden child?

[Classicsituation]

If do what sort of things do they do that shows they are playing favourites.

Aibu to think that a lot of parents have a favourite without even realising or acknowledging it?

My husband is plainly my MIL's least favourite kid.

His sister is the favourite. They've always had a close relationship, so it's not that surprising.
My MIL talks about my SIL like she works on the ISS.
She works in a hospital, in an admin role, but you'd think she was the Chief Nursing Officer.

And when my niece had some teeth out before her braces were fitted, man alive - i heard a minute-by-minute account of everything that happened. 😫

If my niece's name comes up in conversation, i change the subject, cos i don't want to hear yet another sermon on how amazing she is.
She's a nice enough kid, but come on now, MIL!

I've never wanted kids because of my own upbringing and the fear that I may be as disappointed, embarrassed and ashamed of my child as my mother has been with me. Countless people tell me I would make an amazing mum as children are drawn to me but I never would. There are many other factors as well but that's one reason.

I live with my stepdad and the last time we were all at a family gathering, they were talking about what they would do if they won the lottery. Both parents said they would buy a new house for my siblings to have and 'Cobalt can have a cattery.' I love cats but they know more than anything that I want to live in my own home. My mother also said that if she won the premium bonds she would use it to help my younger sister and her partner . Nothing about helping me.

Makes me so angry and hurt. Family can do more harm than good a lot of the time and are overrated in my opinion.

Yes, DH (and by extension me and our DC) is regarded by his family the scapegoat/disappointment in his family, whilst BIL and his wife are regarded as the golden child and DIL, whose successful careers, and wealthy background (in his wife's case) mean they can do no wrong.

We have no contact. The final straw came when MIL allowed her unpredictable dog to try to attack our DC, denied it ever happened, then declared her dog mattered more than her grandchildren.

Ha ha snap. Or my dads, it’s quite the achievement isn’t it!!

I think probably a lot of the time when people say others were the favourite, then their siblings would disagree.

Both my siblings can do a good "I was so badly treated growing up."

I can also say that they weren't. They tend to take individual situations, and often not actually think the whole situation through.

Eg #3 told us that he was treated badly because when we all went off to uni and needed things like pans, he didn't get the same. When #1 went grandparents on one side had just gone into a home so they got their things, when #2 went, grandparents on the other side were downsizing and so they got a lot of things.
You see he was really badly treated not being able to get those things from grandparents, wasn't he?
What he hasn't remembered was that instead dm asked him to look through the Argos catalogue and he got all the things brand new. And no, he's not sentimental and would have wanted hand me downs.

I suspect from things that have been said one of my siblings thinks they're hard done by, and I am the favourite, because they all live nearby but I don't, so when we go (about once a year) then dm tends to prioritise us for the week.
But she will drop anything for the rest of the year if they need anything, take them out a couple of times a month at least, go over if they're feeling ill, pay for things that need doing, and they often do things as a group all except me.
To me that's part of living near/further. But I suspect that sibling resents it.

We were treated differently, but mostly because we are different personalities and also situations were different. There was far more money when #3 was mid teens than when the other two of us were mid teens.
I don't think that any of us was treated better overall. We all had periods when things did go our way and we got more, and all had periods where things worked out less favourably.
My siblings always remember the less favourable times.

Yes both neither me or DH are our mothers favourite, however both mothers love us which is good enough.

My DF, I do believe I am one of his favourites, joint with one of my brothers.

With my own DC I don't have favourites, all would probably say they have been the favourite/least favourite at some point. I am closest to my daughter though, who is also the oldest and we have a much more equal relationship than I do with the younger boys. I still love them all the same

@Classicsituation most definitely in my family!! the golden child received whatever they wanted. I, on the other hand, worked my butt off and achieved more than anyone in the family without any helping hand from mother dear! I was able to stand on my own two feet and didnt ask for anything knowing it would be refused, so never felt obligated!

@TorroFerney my mum's favourite was my cousin. She still kinda is.

My parents just favoured the boys over me. The boys were taken to clubs, had everything they wanted and didn’t have to lift a finger. I was made to do all chores and I can honestly say I never received any gift I asked for a child. It wasn’t huge things just the usual dolls pram and toy kitchen.
They used to leave me with my auntie when they took the boys on holiday.
I wasn’t allowed to do sixth form as I had to pay keep. From the age of 12 they never bought anything for me including school uniforms etc.

my brothers who I am close to have been given everything they have ever needed.

I moved away 300 miles at 18 with my husband. We have been together 26 years and they still say I’m lucky he has stayed with me.

I have recently gone nc.

My in laws definitely do. As soon as their first granddaughter was born they talked about her non stop. She's in her 20s now and they are just the same. Other grandchildren are hardly bothered with

I don't think my parents have any favourites and my siblings say the same.

My in-laws don't appear to particularly like any of their children in equal measure.

Interesting question. I’m one of four and I think it’s the most adventurous and one with the wildest life (in a good way but a v interesting life!) my mum admires the most. I think she just thinks I’m an idiot, which does sting as I’m not.

I think you might be right there and it's something I've never thought of.
My ds has always been dm's favourite and the way ds looks at it is she's had a lovely relationship with our parents while me and other ds are outsiders and always were.

Husband is one of three, his brother is clearly the favourite to the point where it’s a family joke.

When we had our first born, I was saying to MIL about how good a dad my husband was and how supportive he’d been. Her response was ‘well so is Dave*’

I felt gutted for him, they are both great guys but this was about my husband.

My in laws do, DH doesn’t speak to his family any more because of it.

My Gran frequently referred to other children as being better, often as an implied criticism. Like 'what you are wearing? your brother was here yesterday he was so well dressed'. But constantly and on a more serious scale. 'No promotion yet? Brother got a raise you know'. All 4 kids believed the others were favoured, all believed they were the disappointing one. Thankfully they were open enough to see the pattern but it really damaged their relationship as there were little resentments building up. Since her death they don't really stay in touch much. It's sad and ridiculous as they are all lovely people

Were you ok with that? Are you ok with it now?
Not being arsey I'm genuinely curious.

Yes, my parents favour my nephew! They pick him up from school twice a week and have him for tea, they take him to exciting places during the school holidays and just generally fuss and love him more. My boys never get taken anywhere or go after school it makes me very sad and unhappy.

Yes not me, and interestingly it has passed on to the next generation I have the only grandchildren but my mum prefers daughter of brothers girlfriend that is no relation to her, my daughter commented on it on the age of 7 we don’t make any effort with them now they don’t appear to have noticed or miss their beautiful grandchildren

If you look at my DH - he is definitely the golden child in that I think his life turned out the way his parents were hoping, his sibling are all very “alternative”. And while their DM expresses her opinions I think she’s pretty great at treating them equally- as in she treats them all very differently but in a way that works for each individual?

my parents - my DS is 1000000% my mums golden child and she makes excuses for her awful personality pretty regularly.

My so called parents favour my older sibling. Massively. Always have done. Now they have started favouring her kid over mine and that's when I've said "fuck you"
What sort of grandparent doesn't know the grandkids birthdays......what type of grandparents deliberately buys shit 3 sizes too small for said birthdays.....absolutely damn disgrace some people

I'm the least favourite. Only DB is the clear favourite despite being a massive grumpy arsehole. Middle sister is the second favourite. Clever, studious, bragable job. I'm the disappointment. I'm different to them but not in a bad way (I don't think) but I care more about people than money.

This is horrific, I'm so sorry. Sorry for the loss of your son.

Lol to Golden balls though. I see you have a great sense of humour in spite of all the shit. That's very good for you. ( I also cope that way)

I suspect my brother would say I'm the favourite but I think it's circumstances in that I do spend more time with my parents and have had the first grandkids and they do help me out/have the kids for sleepovers. But I know my parents love us equally and often talk to me about being worried about my brother who has had things more difficult in life eg took longer to find his career, unlucky in relationships and friendships. I know my parents want the best for him and have already spoken to me about how they might split their will more in his favour so that we know he is financially more supported in life as I've been more academic and have a higher salary, and already got lower mortgage because of meeting my husband younger and getting on the property ladder earlier. And I've agreed that it would ensure my brother is more supported as life goes on. As it turns out now my brother has found a lovely partner and I hope go on to have kids in the future, my worry is my parents are now older so wouldn't do "childcare" in the same way they did for me (one day a week in the preschool years) but I hope my brother will understand that it was circumstances and not because of favouritism!

My in laws however that's a whole other thread and the siblings themselves have admitted through a drunken night that SIL is the golden child (but haven't admitted that DH is scapegoat). Interestingly the siblings all say my DH was the fav grandchild, but what they don't realise is my DH was brought up by his grandma because his mum effectively choose a new partner over her existing son's needs and thus grandma saw this and therefore support my DH. When I first dated my DH his grandma pulled me to one side and said she wished she had fought harder for my DH to stay with her when MIL remarried and regrets this ( I was very confused and thought maybe she was starting lose her marbles) but as time has gone on (15 years) I can now see what she meant about his Mum and stepfather and my god now the favouritism between the grandchildren now is crazy. We've said that we will reduce contact should our children notice the huge favouritism for SIL children.