Do your parents or in laws have a favourite/golden child?

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If do what sort of things do they do that shows they are playing favourites.

Aibu to think that a lot of parents have a favourite without even realising or acknowledging it?

I’ve just been reading a novel by Mary Gaitskill in which the dying mother whispers ‘My most beautiful’ to her fashion model daughter on her deathbed. Later on, she asks her two sisters what she whispered to them, and it turns out she said the same thing to all three…

In laws very much have a favourite in their youngest son, DH (oldest) unfortunately can do nothing right, and the middle son gets similar but not quite as bad treatment. Unfortunately it hasn't served them very well, DH makes very little effort with them and because of their lack of interest in him they have lost our on the chance to have any type of meaningful relationship with our children. I gave up trying to facilitate this when our youngest was little and his complex needs became apparent. Middle brother does not want children or a romantic relationship. Other people find youngest brother hard work as in his 30s he still expects everything to go his way and doesn't cope when they don't.
DH was blamed for losing the youngest's passport having not lived in the house when he got it. Youngest the only one taken on holiday, multiple trips to Disneyworld while the older two were left at home with grandmother into their teens. Only ever celebrated youngest achievements, actively sabotaged the health and potential for success of older brothers. Middle brother has awful hearing difficulties while he was stopped getting support for while in school and was told he would die as a young adult if he pursued the treatment offered, which was no longer viable when he wanted to explore it recently. Didn't care about husband coming home black and blue due to bullying or not going to school but kicking up a massive fuss when someone dared to hit youngest back. Ignored DH in the process of getting ready on our wedding day and fussed over youngest have multiple photos of him getting ready displayed but only a group one of DH.

My parents worked very hard not to have a favourite between me and my sister as they both weren't the favourite sibling. My aunt was always bailed out, had lots of time and attention and they followed her around as an adult moving country several times even when things went repeatedly wrong. My dad's twin was the golden child and he was all that they could talk about and got the best of everything first meaning sadly by their deaths only dad and one of his sisters was still in contact with them.
Things weren't always fair but they made a good go of giving us what we needed as individuals and recognised when they didn't quite manage that. They also protected us from not being the favourite grandchildren. They now have a wonderful relationship with DD and are making every effort possible to develop the same sort of relationship with DS on his own unique terms.

Our DC did realise and was very uncomfortable about it.

Yes, my parents golden child was my sibling and she loved being golden child which made it worse. It wasn’t just subtle differences in treatment, they were cruel and horrible to me too and I never felt I belonged. NC now.

My in-laws favourite is their youngest daughter. My DH has dropped the rope, but his other sisters seems to try and constantly fight it out to get the golden child status for themselves, which if course they will never win. MIL loves the attention that brings.

This sounds like my family and it makes me feel so sad. Right now I am really struggling with my PND and my sister has anxiety (no children). We are all being there for her and supporting her in every way we can but my PND has been completely forgotten about, I would love some similar support. I have always been so close with my family but I am only now realising how nobody really cares about me.

Oh OP this was written for me.
My sister can do literally no wrong despite her unfortunately being manipulative, unkind, selfish. That's 'just how she is' and 'it's not her fault'. She also had the first grandchild too.

I quite literally can do nothing right, my life couldn't possibly be as difficult as sisters and my daughter doesn't get a look in.

I don't care about me anymore, but I've gone exceptionally low contact as I don't want my daughter feeling second best.

My brothers always say I'm the favourite.

Growing up I probably was, but only because I was 'easy'. I was studious, hard working, a people pleaser, always helped around the house, cooked cleaned etc. my brothers (both younger) were hard work. Their rebellious phase started at 9/10 and carried on until they were 16/17.

The downside was, I had an awful time growing up being bullied at school, but I never felt like I could go to my parents for support, they had too much on their plates keeping my brothers in line.

I met my lovely DH and I moved out when I was 17 and distanced myself from my parents for a while. It really helped me get some perspective. We've tried to talk about it now I'm an adult, but my parents seem to have re-written history in their minds (other family members were also there when we discussed it and they said the same). But our relationship is good now, they are amazing grandparents to all of our kids (no favourites there) and don't treat us as adults now any differently to one another.

Exh definitely his parents’ favourite. Third of four children, but crucially his parents first biological child.

I would say my middle brother is my parents’ favourite but I know they wouldn’t see it.

I was the favourite on both sides of the family, I got bought presents on my siblings Birthday and mine were more expensive than theirs.

My FIL favoured SIL over DH and MIL favoured DH. Was weird because, as children, MIL would always look after and spend most time with SIL and FIL would look after DH.
When MIL died FIL gave SIL all MILs jewellery. DH got nothing, not even a plain gold band or an item of her clothing to remind him of her.
SIL palmed her only child off on to in-laws as soon as she was born. SIL stayed with them while she was pregnant then moved in with BF (Childs dad). She was 26 so not a child herself.
FIL always preferred SIL DD over my DC although they didn’t notice as they had my DM.

I understand @doodlydoo .
The double standards as well are something else. I have to be ok with something but my siblings are 'allowed' to have a reaction. They will be spoken about non stop to me yet if if I have something important going on in my life, it will be a fleeting thought or nothing said at all. My parents make it all about themselves and my mother in particular makes it so obvious who she prefers that it's untrue. Even now as adults, my sister will go running off to my mum if we have a disagreement, and I will get a rollicking for upsetting the little princess. Last Christmas I had to watch her give my sister and her partner double gifts at Christmas. She's allowed my brother to make derogatory comments about me and never sticks up for me. It's been an eye-opener in particular this past year. So much so that I have massively distanced myself from the lot of them as it is impacting on my health so much. I live with my stepdad which isn't great but my family are toxic and being around them all makes me feel awful.

It was odd in my family. I was the favourite due to having the nicer temperament (I’ve never screamed at m my mother whereas my sister would, regularly) but because of that I was treated as the scapegoat and expected to put up with it. I did, for decades, for my mother’s sake, until I realised she would never put me first regardless of the situation and I couldn’t have my dd suffer, so went nc. Feel far happier for it.

How birth order and and gender affects family dynamics is so interesting!

I've always felt like my family is very ordinary - just me and my younger DB, equally treated and loved.

However, my DP's famlly is far more interesting. He's the youngest of five, and although I would say they were equally loved, they've definitely had different levels of attention, so it doesn't always feel that way for them. The more children they had, they less time they had for them individually. So my DP's eldest two siblings feel like they had a lot of demands and expectations upon them, but that looks like favouritism to the other three. My DP (as the youngest) feels like they had no time for him, and he had a lot of freedom from a young age, but that's made him feel like he's the least favourite.

My parents go to extreme lengths to make sure me and my sister are treated equally and I really don't think they have a favourite.

I also don't think my DHs parents have a favourite, they don't really bother with any of their kids.

My parents absolutely favour my brother. Male and eldest child. They show it by giving him the family business not even considering this means the girls will get less inheritance. Allowing him to have more freedom as a teen. Lending him significantly more than they lent the girls for house deposits. Not giving him chores. Going to him for Christmas and all holidays. Not wanting to bother him for help when they old and infirm but expecting it from their daughters. Looking after his kids but not their daughters other than when begged in emergencies. They actually forgot my child's birthday.

I also have a favourite child. I hide it very well. People often tell me I seem to favour my son. I don't it's just he's disabled and needs me more. Dd who people think is my least favourite is my favourite. But I won't show her because it's harmful to my other kids as I know from my experience but when I look at the utter piece of shit my brother grew into I can see how harmful it is to the favourite too. I will take it to my grave. It's weird though she is my favourite but I love them all equally, I think for my parents they loved my brother more it was more than he was the favourite

I don't know how a parent can openly admit they have a favourite to be honest. I just find it so sad.
My mother would never admit it, even on a anonymous forum as she is all about appearances and coming across as the perfect mum.
What upsets me is that my mother used to feel like my aunt was the favourite and how much it upset her when they were growing up. Yet she is repeating the same pattern now...

I'm my parents' favourite - but I'm an only! I always felt like my MIL favoured my SIL, we were always hearing about her amazing career and her lovely child etc - but then she told us she was always hearing about how amazing my DH is and how great our kids are! That made me see how actually a lot of favouritism may actually be due to perception

Dsis is now dm favourite because dsis has manipulated dm and cut me and my dc out dm life so she can help herself to dm money after I called her out about money going missing from dm account. Dsis has convinced her to remove me as poa change her will and take out an equity release mortgage and pocketed the money i am nc with dsis but tried to maintain a relationship with dm despite all this but she doesn't invite me in the house anymore she's polite enough but I refuse to have a conversation with her on the doorstep with a ring doorbell connected to dsis phone

Eldest of three and only daughter. It's an open secret I'm definitely my Dad's favourite. In fact, I've sent him some Father's Day / Birthday cards in the past similar to the attached and we have joked that I'm the son he never had, despite me having 2 brothers!

That said, we're very close, go to watch the football together, will holiday as a 4 (DM, DD, DH and I) every year and genuinely enjoy spending time together. Plus, I tend to do most of the running around, tech help, admin support etc for him and my Mum so I don't think it's all that surprising.

For my Mum, she'll insist she loves us all, but I'd say she's closest to me, whilst tending to favour my youngest brother, particularly when we were kids.

Poor middle bro doesn't get a look in 😂

Yes my family and DH the youngest!

My parents just treat the youngest differently, much more flexibility, support emotional/ physically. They forgot my birthday but I can guarantee they won’t forget my sisters.

PIL they treat the youngest with kid gloves, they will choose to upset other family members even if it’s unfair to appease their youngest child. Which makes it feel like they are more important.

My sister is definitely the favourite. When I was little my parents used to split up on days out and take a child each for a while, then meet up again later, no idea why. They used to argue in front of us about who got to take my sister and who got stuck with me. As adults I have had crippling social anxiety for years, I have no friends and have at times been very depressed because of it. When I’m at my lowest my mum has done nothing but shout at me and tell me it’s all my fault. My sister had some mild generalised anxiety when she started uni, despite making loads of friends very quickly. My mum went on and on about what a difficult time she was having and how brave she was. My sister is not a bad person and we mostly get along fine, but I think this is one of the reasons we’re not close. It’s difficult not to be jealous and resentful when she’s so loved and supported and I’m not.

Mine seem to favour us all in our own way. My eldest brother is because he’s the eldest, very quiet and we all want to look out for him. My sister gets favoured because she currently has the youngest grandchildren in the family, I get favoured in that I’m the one to visit my parents the most then there’s the youngest who is the last at home.

They have a very clear favourite grandchild and openly admit it. I always remind them that there’s a baby in the family who needs attention too but my mums but X is the baby when they technically aren’t.

My sibling is the Golden Child to my mother. I have always been the scapegoat. Sibling getting into (another) fight? My fault for not protecting them (I was at a different bloody school!). Sibling failing their exams? My fault for doing too well. Sibling can’t be arsed working for a year? My fault for not getting them a job (I wasn’t even in the country at that point). They’re a selfish, lazy, manipulative liar with a poisonous temper and continued living with (and off) my parents well into their 30s. Sibling has said and done some absolutely awful things over the years and faced no consequences.
I’m NC with them all after something particularly horrendous which was entirely my siblings doing. I don’t live in the same city and I found out at the same time as the rest of the family but sibling skipped off into the night and somehow it got turned around that it was all my fault and I got shouted at like I was a child again.
DM would deny it but it’s patently obvious to anyone who has observed the family interact and has been commented on by my partners, friends and extended family.