To think that there is a want in a woman who stays with a man who has no interest in his kids?

[littlerednumber]

Just that really. My exh has no interest in our kids. Two wITH SEN.
Doesn't see them, doesn't text/ call them. Pays minimal maintenance £40 per week per child.
I'm perplexed that his latest , and indeed , all of his past partners over last few years find him in any way attractive knowing this. What type of person could respect a man like that. We know he is a twat but as a mother herself, I can't get my head round it.
AIBU?

Does he lie and say you stop him seeing his kids and that he pays a shit-ton of child support?

When I did online dating, I met someone who I got on with very well. Didn’t progress because before he met me, he moved away from his kids to be with a woman. Can’t respect that

But OP…you married him. Had two kids with him.

Well, I would imagine he spins the story to his advantage and rewrites history, probably painting you as a villain withhold his children and bleeding him dry...

Younger women might be more likely to fall for this old as time tale but they'll soon realise what he's really like. Some women just don't care

From what i've seen on 20 years of mumsnet, a huge amount of women will partner up with useless men. I suspect they simply can't afford to run a house on their own.

Not only that, but they d say 'he is a brilliant dad, pays maintenance and everything. His psycho ex is very controlling and won't let him see them.'

Meaning what?
Do you think that I and thousands of women all round the UK actively sought out redundant and futile men to marry and have children with?
Sadly I didn't get a crystal ball with mine.
What a stupid comment!

My previous response was for @MiddleParking.

Stupid comment

I simply do not believe that he didn’t demonstrate significant character flaws along the way. Sorry, but if you’re choosing to comment on the women who date him, I think you have to accept that works both ways.

So?

Like others have said I assume he'll have spun them a story

Or perhaps these women have low standards

I guess these women believe his words and ignore his actions.
He is the talk of our town for being so useless and uncaring regarding his own children and has lost the majority of his relationships with his family and friends so surely she must have some hint , even if she/ they choose to ignore his lack of love and care for his children?

When I married my exh, I fully expected him to be affectionate, loving and caring with his children as he was that way with me. Sadly our children posed a huge threat to his ego and he reacted very badly to not being my number one priority anymore so he did what some do best and found a series of women who did prioritise him ... until they didn't.... and the cycle repeats every few months. A cliche , if you will...

Here are my theories

1. low standards because low self esteem
2. belief that he loves her so will behave differently for her.
3. belief that you were the problem and forced him to leave and are keeping the kids away. Women like this often think that he’s great and with her kids so it has to be you at fault rather than her ex being worse than hers so her standards are low or it’s early days in the relationship so he has to pretend he’s good father material so he gets sex.
4. has no interest in having kids so doesn’t see it as a red flag.

Presumably he didn't have kids then. I would eye roll if someone had kids with someone with several kids already he doesn't see. Especially if they were then surprised they did the same to them. I do think done women are wilfully deaf when men trot out well worn tropes and choose to believe they are different.

There was a thread a few days ago about why women do it, and the conclusion was that they didn't receive what they wanted off their own absent father, so actively seek out a similar father to finally come first for.

@arethereanyleftatall that's interesting!

Depends really how socially connected they are and if he's one of those guys that can spin anything and is good at a sob-story.

He might claim you've managed to turn everyone against him, even family, and she's the only one he can trust and who believes him.

And she might just want to believe him cos she's fallen for him. Or lacks empathy.

Or she might be daft enough to think that what he's done he'd never do to her.

Are they twins?

As usual someone has to come on with a snippy, blaming comment towards the OP.🙄

A lot of men seem great until kids get thrown into the mix.
Some step up to the challenge, others fall at the first fence, some get a bit further in.
Very hard to tell how a man will react.
My own exH seemed like a great bloke and was keen to have kids. With the first he was a diamond, the stress of having another and having to actually help out a we bit more found him drinking, staying out late and ultimately shagging someone else.

I could not have foretold that.