To think that there is a want in a woman who stays with a man who has no interest in his kids?

[littlerednumber]

Just that really. My exh has no interest in our kids. Two wITH SEN.
Doesn't see them, doesn't text/ call them. Pays minimal maintenance £40 per week per child.
I'm perplexed that his latest , and indeed , all of his past partners over last few years find him in any way attractive knowing this. What type of person could respect a man like that. We know he is a twat but as a mother herself, I can't get my head round it.
AIBU?

He will tell them his side of the story, which will not be that he doesn’t bother with his kids and pays the minimum. Which they obviously take at face value. The talk of the town? Is this a small town where everyone knows each others business. Sounds awful.

@secondchancesat I really don't know what he tells them. Maybe what he told me... he wasn't getting enough attention or sex , I disagreed with his parenting style( shouting and roaring, no teaching) and I always protected the kids from his moods when he actually was a t home. I called him out on his aggression/ laziness/ apathy / bullshit every single time so he probably felt disrespected in his world .
The women are always mid forties, childless or adult children, own homes, professional jobs. He would rather die roaring than have another child and would simply leave . I have absolutely no doubt about that . He has no house of his own so kind of moves in with them. His own rental place is a shit tip.

This. I know one who married an absolute bellend who hadn’t seen his kids for years. Knew next to nothing about them. Soon as they started being in touch more regularly she sold the house, moved him away and told him she wasn’t interested in his kids. Make of that what you will

OP is blaming her ex’s girlfriends for their lacking judgement. I also disagree that men who end up abandoning their kids ‘seem great’ before having them. I think lots of women choose to overlook majorly significant faults in their partner when the alternative is not having one. You see it every single day on here.

He sounds like a real catch these days!
I would say you are well rid...

OP didn’t you know you’re the crazy lazy ex who spends all his money on manicures and holidays. He completely funds your lifestyle and you don’t let him have the kids anywhere near as much as he would like. In fact, you might even be alienating the kids by telling them lies about him and they don’t want to see him anymore. He’s really upset about it all but can’t say anything because he’s got to keep the peace for the sake the children and you are a nightmare to deal with.

And he deserves to move on you know. You need to accept that he’s in a new relationship with the new and improved model. Stop being so jealous. You should also put down the wine as I’m sure you drink too much in this story too.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Because he doesn’t admit to this with partners or future partners.

When I was OD after my divorce I went out on maybe a dozen dates with blokes over a 2-3 year period, of whom about 80% had kids from previous relationships. Not one of them said “I can’t be arsed with my kids and I pay minimal support.”

People paint themselves in the most positive way they can.

He charms them and promises them the earth.
Some women feel incomplete without a man and would rather a useless one than being alone.

Yes small town. Two young kids with SN.
Mother working in very public facing job in community. Dad has affairs and is known for his moods and temper. Dad fucks off and leaves his kids also.
Very much the talk of the town, yes. He is not respected or liked here anymore.

I disagree with you completely.
I know women who were desperate for kids but have struggled with motherhood. Men can be the same but often it's easier for them to jump ship.

Not everyone knows how they will react when children arrive. I don't think the OP is at fault for having kids with him however subsequent girlfriends who know he's a shit dad are a different story.

And they probably don't want to do the 'step-parent' thing, so aren't likely to say anything that would encourage your ex to see more of his children.

From my own personal experience I agree with others in that he is lying and painting u as the villan. Had it with my own ex he tried to say his ex stops him from seeing his son she is on drugs etc a bad mum won't let him ha e a relationship turns out he was just never interested I learnt this after stupidly having a kid with him myself. I love my child dont get me wrong but he pays no interest and no doubt I am probably now another psycho drug taking ex. Neither of which I am by the way im the full time hard working single parent who is there for all the good and bad times and pays for everything and gets a measly 28 a month maintenance

I live in a village and have no idea who is doing what to whom.

There’s a shocking number of posts here where the OP happily admits that their child has never got on with the new husband / or hasn’t got on with them for years. Shockingly they become very defensive when replies ask them wtf were they thinking remarrying.

I have also read too many posts where the OP believes that being in a crappy relationship is better than being single. These women who accept a cocklodger like your ex clearly fall into that category which is very sad.

That's incredible stupid. You clearly haven't been in this position, so please keep your judgmental comments to yourself

His appalling behaviour kicked off when our second and last child was born.
I remember the day I saw the huge shift in his mood as clearly as if it happened yesterday. I had come home from hospital, was sore, feeding and in bed.

The older child who was two was cranky and crying and he lost his shit and flung a paint brush over the garden fence in temper.
I jumped out of bed and he started shouting at me because the toddler was crying uncontrollably and as I needed to feed baby, he didn't actually know what to do with her .The baby was two days old and he could not cope ... because he'd never had to. She was so quiet and gentle up to that point.
Alarm bells rang that day and something in me realised he was an abject failure 😣 f a husband and father and was only to get worse. How right my gut was .

As a childfree woman who doesn't want kids, it wouldn't bother me if a potential partner didn't care about his kids. Why would it? In fact it's an advantage because it means we're not stuck looking after them.

I have a friend who has a partner who never saw his daughter. They got married and have two kids of their own now, he still doesn't see his original daughter with another partner. But he's a great dad to these ones. No idea why.

@secondchancesat 'multiple children'???
Please read my most recent post. This may help clarify things for you.

Our marriage ended two years after the birth of our second child. He progressed to becoming a sex pest so that was that. He didn't get enough at home so sought it elsewhere. Best day of my life to boot him out the front door.
Still, I often wonder what attracts these women to him, as a useless father, hence the post.

I’m with ya OP. My exes partner stayed with him through SS involvement due to him harming DS and then him walking out completely on DS’s life. So there’s no way he could have fudged it, she was interviewed by police and SS herself. And yet she’s still with him years later. Hes also a lazy cocklodger and she seems like an intelligent woman so fuck knows what she sees in him but it’s not my business.

You’re not wrong OP. That’s not a man I’d want to be with.