Neighbour snores loudly enough to wake us up

[tortoisewoman]

Title says it all really: our downstairs neighbour snores so loudly that we can hear it at night, and it regularly wakes both me and DW up (DW moreso than me as she is a light sleeper). For context, neighbour is on the ground floor and we live on the first floor of a converted Victorian building, so the walls are reasonably thick! This week has been particularly bad, to the point that it actually sounded like he was in the room with us. What on Earth do we do?! Sometimes I'm tempted to put a letter through the door saying we can hear the snoring and suggesting he go to the doctor, because it can't be healthy to be making that kind of sound while trying to breathe in your sleep...

Even if it is a health issue, if the neighbour is married (mentioned on another update), they know they snore. Their family knows they snore. It's not the responsibility of the neighbour to encourage that health check.

If you are on good terms, can't you bring up sleep apnea and how bad it can be, health wise if it isn't treated? My DP didn't realise he had it, until I moved in. It could have been a factor in his heart attack and since he has a CPAP, his breathing/energy/health etc is so much better.

Make a noise complaint to the council. Get a decibel recording device and log it.

I appreciate the difficulty in moving, however if I was renting and could find somewhere equally decent/affordable, then I'd consider it, yes. Others might not.

This is actually our main concern! We like this neighbour, he's very friendly, he's the owner of his flat so manages lots of stuff around the property e.g. electricity bills for the communal hallway. It just seems insane that he could be snoring that loudly and not have some kind of serious health condition!
@ienjoyeatingcake His wife has looked after our cats before when we've been away, so we might be able to mention it to her, but again, it feels so awkward...

It's not the OPs responsibility however she's entitled to speak up if it's disturbing her.
I've been reading the same updates as you.

Also is it definitely him? I snore quite badly and dh has been blamed in the past

It's definitely him - his wife and daughter spend holidays abroad with her family and he's the only one in the house, but the snoring continues.

https://environmentlaw.org.uk/LYE/LYE/Noise/noise-home.aspx?d8a6722f1380=2

Might be of use

Surely if he has a wife who sleeps with him, he already knows about the snoring. I might still mention it, as maybe she is immune to it or they don't know how loud it really is

Now that I've read that the OP is renting, I'm not sure that it's a viable option. The acoustic matting my builder BIL uses is quite thick, and would probably mean planing a fair bit off the bottom of any doors, which may not be possible if renting.

Wooden flooring in flats is a nightmare imo. The void between the ceiling and floor above acts like a speaker cabinet and makes noise resonate unless sound-deadening measures are put in place. It's awful for both parties.

The more I read of your posts the more I think you need to speak to him. It will be awkward but you will try and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. All the insulation tips will help but they won't block it out I suspect.

I think people who snore are often embarrassed (I live with one) which is why it will be awkward but you will be doing him and his wife a favour.

Thick rugs will make a difference

I absolutely wouldn’t speak to him about something that he has no control over and isn’t being inconsiderate about. The only outcome is that he will feel embarrassed/anxious/self conscious. Really good quality ear plugs are your only answer. I live in a small block of flats and can sometimes hear my downstairs neighbour watching an action movie when I’m in bed. I got some earplugs from a company called Flare Audio, which were expensive compared to those little foam plugs, but they are really effective.

Sex noise would be a different matter. A few years ago, I had neighbours who shared a bedroom wall with me, and they had VERY loud sex every Sunday afternoon and several nights. I could literally hear the smack of flesh with thrusting, not to mention the screaming! It was so loud that you could also hear it in my spare room and I got really stressed as I sometimes had my sister’s young children stay over. I ended up sending them a very polite anonymous note, saying that their ‘bedroom activities’ could be heard throughout the block and we wanted to avoid the embarrassment of having to address it face to face. They wouldn’t have known for sure who sent it, could have been any of 4 adjacent flats.

The sex noise stopped, the wife looked mortified every time I saw her on the stairs and they moved out about 2 months later. I handled it as diplomatically as possible, but there’s really no need for anyone to have loud performative sex in a small block of flats.

I think @tortoisewoman if the rugs don’t work you’re going to have to gently say something 🫣🫣🫣🫣

I can’t believe people are suggesting posting a letter through the door, or telling you to have a chat with him! He’s snoring ffs! He’s not having wild parties etc!

I live in a semi detached where I can also hear our NDN snoring! Wouldn’t dream of mentioning it.

Good to hear that someone else has this problem - every time I mention it to someone in real life they think it's mad. I've never experienced it before (have heard sex noises in uni accommodation but nothing else 😂).

Noted about the Flare earplugs - DW may benefit from them as she can get quite ratty when her sleep is disturbed 😂

Definitely try rugs with an underlay, you can buy acoustic underlay from a carpet shop or online, and just cut it away around doors. Would your landlord contribute?
then thick rugs or carpet, right up to the walls.

We’ve lived here for 20 years so are used to it, they most likely can hear DH snoring too so they cancel each other out! 😆

Good old paper thin walls!

LL would probably contribute if we made a strong enough case. I don't like the idea of a carpeted bedroom though... I feel like wood floors are much easier to clean.

I know it's passive aggressive but I'd also have a joke with the wife when you next see her;

"How are you?! You must be constantly tired having to sleep in the same room as husband, his snoring is getting so loud isn't it! Has he been to the doctor? My cousin had a problem with snoring which got better once he visited the GP...."

Ultimately though, it's likely nothing he's going to do anything about as it isn't effecting him and it's likely a combination of weight and whatever else.

I'd also be looking to move.

Can’t you speak to your LL and ask if they will lay carpet, or allow you to do so? They may not want to pay for it, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t let you install carpet. It’s easily ripped out in the future. You really need to have wall to wall thick underlay and carpet down. Rugs will not help much as sound will always find its way through gaps, very much as water does. Underlay and carpet for one room shouldn’t cost more than about £250 - £300 inc fitting, and will be money well spent to solve a problem like this. Lots of carpet superstores online where you can get offcuts very cheap if you’re just doing one bedroom.

Also, bear in mind that if you have wooden floors, your neighbours can hear you and your family walking about all the time, and presumably they don’t complain about that? For this reason, most leasehold properties have a covenant in the Lease that specifies that you MUST have carpets rather than bare floorboards, for this very reason.

You just haven't found the right ear plugs!

Carpet or large rugs with underlay. Carpet for one room (bedroom?) shouldn't be too expensive, and shouldn't damage the wood floor.
But sound goes both ways, if you can hear him snoring, he can hear every movement you make - if you bring up his snoring without tackling the sound insulation, be prepared for him to bring up your noise.