Rage with a colleague

[Squidgemoon]

Need to let off some steam and see if IABU as the red mist has descended.

I am one of 3 directors in a team. The other two directors are male and older. I am the most junior director but I am not new - I have worked with them for over 10 years and was made director over 3 years ago. We have a team PA who works for all of us.

We have time sensitive deadlines on a regular basis which involve filing things using an online portal. Think HMRC or similar (trying not to be too outing). Usually the PA does all the online filings for us all. She is off on holiday today, but she has sent all of us, numerous times before, the login details for the portal and step by step instructions on how to file things with it. It is very straightforward. I have filed things myself on many other occasions when she was been away.

One of the other directors in the team has never filed anything himself. He is not as IT literate as me, but he’s not a dinosaur. He is about 50 and appears to have no difficulty conducting his personal affairs online. On a few occasions before when our PA has been away, he has asked me or other junior members of the team to file things for him. Last time he asked me, which was probably 6 months or so ago, I did it begrudgingly but got a bit shirty with him and re-sent him the instructions our PA had previously sent.

Today he sent me a sheepish email asking me to file something and said he knows he needs to learn how but he just unfortunately can’t do it because he’s so busy.

I’m afraid I saw red and called him and said I was not going to file it for him but that I would show him how to do it. He said couldn’t I do it and show him on Monday and I said no, I would send him the login details and instructions (again!) and if he was having any trouble following them then he should phone me back and share his screen and I would talk him through it. He said fine and he was too busy to discuss it so I hung up.

WIBU to not do it for him? I think I get so annoyed because he always makes out like he’s so busy but guess what, we all are! And he always asks me - the female director - never the other male director and I’m a bloody director, not his PA. But then I wonder if I am perhaps being over sensitive because he has generally been winding me up recently with his general lack of respect for other people’s time 😡

Nutshell

I had this where my manager employed 2 useless people and wanted me to train them over and over again - they still never got it. I refused to do their work in the end and had to leave because of the stress

But then there is nothing Mumsnet hates more than a man is there

Let me just modify that for you....

But then there is nothing Mumsnet hates more than a misogynistic, back in the Stone Age man is there

Did you miss the bit where @Squidgemoon said she had in fact done it for him before? As well as sending him instructions?

👏👏👏👏👏👏

1000000%

Well done OP. So many men like this in my business too.
Can't be bothered to read the instructions when it's easier to ask a woman to do it.

Over the years colleagues of both sexes have helped me out with IT issues and some of the young - middle aged guys have been the sweetest, most patient. In turn, I am happy to share my knowledge, they often joke they get the best part of the deal.

Thing is, I hate instructions too. I’m ND and my brain just wants to switch off when confronted by instructions and manuals. But that’s entirely my problem, I can’t off load it to the nearest woman at work.

You totally did the right thing!

This isn’t an IT issue. It’s an admin issue. One that OP hasn’t offered to help with and doesn’t want to.

That's great but he doesn't want help, he wants her to do it for him every time because he thinks it's beneath him.

Next time, throw busy back at him. "I'd love to help but I'm really busy with a pressing deadline. Here's the instructions, yell if you get stuck." Repeat every time he asks.

Yep!

This.

It's exactly why this kind of thing is perpetuated.

And isn't it fascinating how only women are supposed to be team players while the men get on with doing all the important stuff.

Totally. It's called "non promotable work". They (the penis-owners) think they are too important to do it and women end up doing it. And if women push back, they are miserable and not team players.

See https://www.thenoclub.com/

That is what they bank on.

No. HIs job, his mess if he doesn't do it.

Asa pp said, he didn't want help, he wanted the OP to do it for him. Not the same.

Good for you! Don't back down when the weekend is over - tell
Them
Both you're not their girl Friday you're on an equal footing and they need to sort themselves out - don't be shy

YANBU . Has he asked the other director who happens to be male?

Absolutely right OP. It doesn't sound like you were unprofessional - if anything, you were very accommodating, offering to help walk his feeble backside through it via a screenshare. You were assertive and made your boundaries clear, which is a good thing.

I was part of a group of medical consultants who met monthly, and we "took turns" taking minutes. Only, it always seemed to fall to one of the younger female consultants, never the older male ones. We pre-arranged one day to all stay stony silent when the "who will take minutes today?" question was asked. Eventually one of the older men had to do it.

A (paid) admin was swiftly arranged for the next meeting. Funny that.

well done OP

Well done Op!

This is why I documented everything,. My colleagues learnt that my first question was likely to be "have you read the documentation?" I would help if there wasn't any or it didn't make sense, (or point them at someone who knew,) but they had to try first.

Well done for calling out his male helplessness OP