Middle age mean girls

[50andBeingBulliedWTAF]

I can’t believe I am writing this.

I’m 50 and I feel like I’m being bullied, like I’m back in year 6 or 8 again, part of a mean girl pile in.

I mean WTAF?

I’m in a group of friends, and friends of their friends. One of them seems to have a massive problem with me. She’ll be openly friendly with everyone, but when I turn up the temp drops and I get a very frosty reception. She’ll also repeat back something I’ve said and put a sarcastic spin on it, and an eye roll. The others sit there and say nothing, and they won’t as they are better friends with her than me, as they have a lot more history. I noticed one of her friends has started with the frosty reception too. I also think that if I were to pull her up, she’d deny it, and then I am the bad guy.

I don’t think I’ve offended anyone, and usually I get on with people really well. I’m meant be be going out with them next week, but I am feeling anxious about it, and not looking forward to it. I think if I get there and she makes any digs at me, I’m just going to leave and be done with the group.

If it was any other area of my life I’d be instantly sticking up for myself, but in this group I feel they’d side with her if I said anything to her. I actually think she feels safe and emboldened to act this way as she has her mates around her.

At 50, you’d think some people had grown out of shit like this, and I don’t need it in my life.

My DH says I should find other people and perhaps he is right, but I don’t want to leave the group because I’ve been bullied out of it.

I wondered if it was just me being sensitive, but someone in the group picked up on it, and agreed that she’s not very nice to me, but doesn’t want to get involved.

Honestly, it’s like I’m 13 again and I don’t want to go to school because of a couple of mean girls.

WWYD. I think I want to leave the group, but not give her the satisfaction that she pushed me out.

Life is too short for this - for enduring people who are unkind to you, and spending your time with people who don't stick up for you. Cut them all loose. You deserve better x

I decided before 50 i was too old for that shit. Like you i had a recent situation where i was introduced to somebody who started off nice. Then started being snide around me and putting down everything i said. I had never offended her i was only ever supportive. I thought WTAF is going on. I walked away, have nothing to do with her, i don't need that playground stuff and negativity in my life, she can fck off somewhere else with her attitude and two faced shit. Be strong. If you are wanting to stay in the group, take her aside and ask her what her problem is, she is a bully, call her out for it. If you are not bothered just tell your friends you are happy to see them but you are getting toxic vibes from her.

Why do you want to be in this friendship group?

It sounds as if it makes you uncomfortable and anxious. That’s not how friendship should make you feel but for some reason you seem to feel you have some obligation to tough it out. Well, you don’t.

This woman doesn’t like you or doesn’t feel it’s incumbent on her to be respectful to you. For reasons you don’t know, the other people in the group aren’t standing up for you.

There’s a power imbalance here and for whatever reason you are not on the strong side of this. I don’t know why the others aren’t standing up for you here but they are not and the bottom line is that you can’t force them to. You have to accept that if you choose to remain in this unbalanced dynamic you have no control.

So if you want to regain control, you have to leave. A friendship group in which you don’t feel safe or respected is not one it’s worth being part of.