I play a sport and we have international tournaments a few times a year.
When I started playing 4 years ago, at the very first tournament, I met a guy based in Dubai and we hit it off. Let’s call him John. Over the next few years, John and I were always together at the tournaments or boot camps and we’d also visit each other fairly often as Dubai isn’t far. It was always very explicitly non exclusive, but great fun when we saw each other and we definitely have strong feelings for each other, but long agreed it would never work because of the distance.
At the end of last year, he got injured and had to have an op and didn’t play in the last tournament in April or come to the summer boot camp. We didn’t lose touch in this time but we just said “hi” once in a while. I gave him a call after the op and sent a gift, but nothing frequent. Always thrilled to talk to him but really just got on with my life.
At both the tournament and the boot camp that he wasn’t at, I slept with other guys (only one per event). It isn’t uncommon at all
for this to happen at the international events and everyone involved was single and consenting. He knows both the guys.
I didn’t really think much of it until John messaged yesterday to say he’s recovered and will be at our winter boot camp, and SURPRISE is coming to London this month for a wedding and can’t wait to see me when he’s here.
I’m ecstatic about seeing him but I had never really thought about how he’d feel about the fact I’d slept with a couple of players in his absence. He certainly won’t feel cheated on or anything, but maybe a bit hurt? He may even ask if I did, as he knows those events get wild. I genuinely didn’t give it any thought at the time. I’m completely single and hadn’t seen him for almost 6 months. Even if we avoid the conversation when he’s here in a few weeks, I’m not sure I can avoid him finding out at bootcamp.
I know no one really has the answer but I’m really stressing about it so wondering how best to handle it.