To sacrifice my career for my family

[Flumpi]

Long story short, I am training to be a Nurse and DH works for a small private company which my family run. They are going to merge with another company and DH has been asked to be a company director.

he does school runs when I am on early shifts and pick ups when I’m on lates. He takes the kids to sports clubs so I can study.

If he becomes a director he won’t have this sort of flexibility any more and would have to spend a lot more time working. I really doubt I will be able to continue with my training.

it would mean a huge step up in finances for us and we would be able to send our children to private school and move within the area we want to be.

But really love my job and don’t know how I would feel about throwing all that work away. However it would be so wonderful to spend more time with my children while they are small.

AIBU to even consider it

I would never give up independence for another persons job. It's not just the income. It's the progression and training. Staying fresh in your field. Directors can work flexibly.

I would question why someone at director level can't make arrangements to start later or finish earlier and make up time. Most companies offer flexible/hybrid working patterns.

If childcare is an option, I would go for that. Out of interest how do you make it work now?

OP talks about school runs. So not under 3, not all of them anyway.

ime private schools do much longer days and have plenty of pre and post child care.

issue would be longer school holidays.

how old are the kids?

funnily enough while you say you’ll
miss out when they’re small, what about your DH? Wouldn’t he prefer to have a better work life balance where you both work and see your kids, rather than him bearing all the financial responsibility and not seeing his children?

@5475878237NC These are school age children to start. They already have activities.
Secondly - about children thriving in childcare. Do your own damn research! Its out there.

Agree entirely and u will feel resentful if u don't complete your training.
Unsure how much of your training u have left but the extra money your husband earns could support employing a nanny. You will still have lots of time with your children (shifts/days off etc). When u qualify, u can choose to work PT.
Win win all around

I would keep up the training if you can make it work with good quality childcare. Once you’re qualified it should be easy to find part time work and move somewhere different. Personally I’d be very reluctant to give up something I’d already committed to and enjoyed, unless there’s a genuine reason eg it’s not possible to find decent childcare where you live.

Don’t sacrifice anything, Keep your career if you want to. If you want to be have more money and work less then give up your career, but please don’t insult anyone by calling it a sacrifice.

Honestly, I wouldn't sacrifice my career for my husband's career. That's what you'd be doing, not for your family.

I think you'd be absolutely insane to give up. Insane.

Change is always hard, and the unknown makes us all anxious, but stepping off this career track will be something you'll regret. You enjoy the work, it's relatively lucrative and you'll never be unemployed...it's the jackpot of employment.

Paid-for childcare needn't be inferior. Our nanny became part of our family, we still see her regularly now.

Don't make a permanent decision to solve a temporary problem.

No. Absolutely do not give up.

I have so many friends who gave up work and then their marriages have ended. They are up shit creek now.

Always women having to sacrifice their careers. It's sad.

I am a lone parent earning just £29k, wish I'd had a career in place before.

Finish your degree. Do what you have to in order to finish your degree. Don't put it off because you won't go back to it. Once you have finished and you are a registered nurse consider your options then.

29k isn't bad.

29k is what you'd be earning as a nurse too.

(What the OP is studying)

I was in a similar position, and I am now pretty sure that if I’d taken a break from the training, I would never have returned, because life became more complex as DC got older, and I’d have lost momentum and it would never have felt like a good time to go back. Finishing that training has allowed me to work flexibly in a field that I love, around the needs of the family, and that has been worth its weight in gold to me.

I agree with this poster - your answers seem to me that you want to give up your training/career to spend more time with family.

No right or wrong decisions imo - it's all your choice (and I say that as a 'career' mum who works full time)

@Flumpi I was a SAHM and am a nurse. I trained in my 40s. No regrets as my youngest was middle of primary school when I started and honestly that’s the youngest I would have wanted to leave them from… the training is brutal on family life and then once qualified you can find better family friendly working hours. But I’d say take the time out now, enjoy your wee ones and go back to it once your husbands career is up and running in the director role.

How old are the children? Once you send them to private school, there will be a breakfast club and tons of after school activities too.

If you delay for 2 years whilst your DH transitions into his hew role, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy that he, the kids & your household can't possibly function without you being a SAHM.

Try to get 1 or 2 days flexibility in DHs job now, get the kids used to 1 or 2 days in child care and it can all gradually bed in and everyone will get used to it sooner rather than later. Too many big changes at once in 2 years time may well mean the end of your career before it starts.

Sorry to scaremonger but big bucks businesses come with big risks. You might be the only one employed in 2 years.

Don't lose this part of you of you value it.

My opinion is always to never give up your career no matter what the other person earns. You still want some financial independence, a job that brings you joy and social interaction and a bit of life outside of kids and rhe house. Before you know it they are teenagers and you have to profession or job to go to. Whilst your DH thrives in his career and worst case can control you financially. And not to forget pensions!

Nobody has " He/she was a valued employee" on their headstone.

Also a company run by your family and your DH can have zero flexibility? Maybe time to have a conversation about values and company culture. Surely he is not the only parent there.

Did you also do nursing?

Yeah, becoming a company director comes with some significant risks.

It sounds like you deep down want to give up your training, at least for now, and be a SAHM. But that has regret written all over it.

If you genuinely love your work you can’t give it up. If you do I bet you won’t go back in two years.

If these are mostly school-age kids and you’re essentially giving up your dream job to ferry them around a few times a day that’s especially inadvisable, I think.