AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

[Macaronsandcupcakes]

In my area (Bristol) all the private schools I’ve spoken to have admitted they will eventually pass on the 20% VAT (I’m not objecting the govt policy). This means the cheapest school will be charging £7k+ per term. For one child from yr 7 to complete their GCSE’s it’ll be £110k.

I completely understand the schools get better grades, but other than grades why is it worth it? Has your child significantly benefited?

Articles I’ve recently read suggest that the anti private discussions are gaining momentum, both from universities & employees.

My partner is keen to send our children. But I need convincing.

I think it depends on the school - that being I am not sure if Bristol private are that great when compared to London ones. I am not sure I would pay.

Obviously not going to.name the school but I'm in Northumberland. I don't think anything you've named is particularly unusual tbh, not in the excellent schools around me anyway.

I appreciate some state schools in some areas may be dire but equally some are better than some private.

I think it's down to how motivated the child is. I went to private school (in Bristol!) over 30 years ago and I plod along in fairly middling admin jobs probablybecause I am lazy . Classmates went to university and have jobs like surgeon, gp teacher, tax specialist, ...

Boris went to a private school so all private schools are appalling places.
Also, the students are all entitled snobs and not only that but they are spoon fed and there are unqualified teachers.
At university they asked me where I went to school - weirdos, eh!

Well you aren't going to get the right answer for your child and your area by asking on here. My DB lives in a lovely area (with the house prices to match!) and their local secondary school is brilliant. Where we currently live there are 3 local secondary schools and all are crap for "normal" education. For our friends it's either been grammar or private.

It depends what you think you're paying for. If you're paying for the soft skills & privileged networks they provide, then for that child they probably are well worth it.

For society, they're an absolute disaster though. They entrench privilege and reduce the pool of talent for businesses, public services, parliament, etc to draw on.

You can't blame parents for choosing them, we're not a country that takes education as seriously as it should so options are pretty limited.

If we had a plurality of choice of different schools, including properly funded SEN across them all, then I think a lot of parents would choose differently.

Of course not, unless you’re trying to shove through an unmotivated middle-of-the road child.

How could they possibly know? My DS was bitching about his private school the other day. He had the extreme luxury of being in small classes where disruptive behaviour was stamped out immediately, where pupils who caused harm to others were expelled, where no teacher felt under threat, where fellow pupils felt deep respect for the boys who got straightAs and wanted to be like them, where hard work and intelligence were admired by teachers and peers, where, iif you wanted to discuss academic subjects for fun, there were people around who were up for it. Mental health and ASD support was brilliant and immediate. No one could skip homework or class without it being noticed and queried immediately.

I went to a state secondary where none of this was true - even the teachers thought you were getting above yourself if you liked a subject beyond the basic curriculum. People tell me comps have changed since then but I tutor GCSE students from local state schools and they tell me the levels of disruption and teacher absence make it so hard to concentrate. Doesn't sound like much has changed. State schools are so underfunded and are expected to cope with pupils who have extremely complex needs within the mainstream, often to the detriment of the majority.

Ah Northumberland, so a much wealthier part of NE than say County Durham or Teeside. More rural hence smaller class sizes and overall a more MC part of the region. Sending DD to indy costs less than buying a house in Northumberland would

Yes that's fair enough, I do think the rural location makes a big difference and yes it's generally a pretty affluent area compared to some places.

If we had a plurality of choice of different schools, including properly funded SEN across them all, then I think a lot of parents would choose differently.

I think @Hatfullofwillow is right. If the right state school had been available I'd have preferred it. The misgiving I had about private is the sense of entitlement and we looked hard to find a school that isn't elitist - we did find one but it is quite a rare thing.

Which means a more MC cohort of kids and (generally speaking) more engaged parents who can afford to give extra curricular and tutors for anything lacking in school. The schools probably don't have to fund the basics for the kids so have more budget left for extra curricular etc.
The NE has yet again come bottom in GCSE results mainly because schools receive less funding but have kids in areas of highest unemployment in the country etc. Cohorts of kids who are disengaged and low employment prospects. I didn't want that for my child.

In my experience they do, I recently had a fantastic tour by some year 8s at a state open day. Plus presentations from year 9s, brand new year 7s and a year 11 student.

I think it depends on your local state schools. I’m applying for reception places for DD1 and the local catchments schools are..not good (in fact the secondary school is universally considered to be pretty rubbish too) so I’m trying to scrape together the money to send her to the private school down the road, which is worlds away form the state offering. It’s a shame because in principle I’m opposed to private schools really, but I can also see that she will not get the same start or opportunities in the local state schools. Where I grew up, the state infant schools were really really good, so if I lived there I’d send her to state in a heartbeat.

I recognise the privilege of having a good state school on the doorstep so yes I cant disagree tbf.

My DS has just started private school (age 10) and in just 6 weeks there it's been transformational for him. I don't view it as a way to get secure better grades, he's not an investment, but so far his happiness, outlook on life and enthusiasm for learning has improved ten fold. Is it worth it for me? Yes. But every child is different. My DD is thriving at the local state school and may or may not go private for secondary.

@Macaronsandcupcakes

Yes I see that they know no different. But they have been able to compare themselves to their state educated colleagues and friends and not really find that they have been particularly privileged. And one of them did go to a very prestigious public school. While the other went to a good local private school. It's important to say while both made good friends at school, neither has particularly engaged with or benefitted from an "old boys network" so to speak. I can't speak for my previous partner but no my DH does not think we should privately educate our children but the state schools near us seem pretty good.

As the pp said in their area the state schools didn’t. In my area, there is only 1 state school I would contemplate and we are not in the catchment area. If there were better state schools, DC would go to a state school

That’s really interesting. Do you think you’d really send yours to different schools ie one in private, one is state? I’ve got one academic & one finding school harder.

I'm privately educated. For me, the benefit wasn't higher grades, as I'd have likely achieved that anyway.

There's a notable difference in opportunities afforded to you when you attend private school. I wanted to study something that wasn't offered by my school so they made arrangements for it to happen. I mixed with people I would never have otherwise encountered and enjoyed being exposed to a diverse range of extracurricular activities, including things like Amnesty group, debating society, volunteering etc alongside the usual sports and music.

And there's often a notable difference in how somebody carries themselves. Private school really promotes confidence.

I attended a state school for the last 5 or 6 months because we moved and it didn't seem worth the hassle of sitting entrance exams etc., and there was a hugely notable difference in facilities, standard of teaching, attitude and behaviour. But it was over 20 years ago, and I can't tell you whether you'd feel you were getting value for money now. I also had a full scholarship so my parents didn't pay fees.

@Macaronsandcupcakes at this stage I honestly don't know. Private school was never in our plan but DS has really been struggling in his disruptive class for years and throw a dyslexia diagnosis in there (missed completely by his school) and we were starting to get really worried. So he's started P6 (Scotland) at a big private school which has a secondary too (most do up here, we don't really have prep schools). We're assuming DD will go for secondary but she's adamant she won't and I can see how she'd be fine at the local school. It feels like a bridge I need to cross later! But no regrets with sending DD, the difference in him has been even better than we could have hoped for.

I imagine the most valuable thing you get if you are able to afford private school is choice.

It doesn't actually matter how you exercise that choice.

You can choose the local state school.

Or you can choose private school. And not just any private school - the one that will suit your child the best.

You can make the choice that is most suitable for your child, and weigh the advantages that private school offers against the benefits of saving that money for your children or investing it in their education in other ways.

The cost-benefit analysis will look different depending on your situation. A bright, confident child and a top grammar nearby - go state. A diffident, shy child or one with additional needs and a failing academy with a zero tolerance approach towards minor disciplinary issues to mask the school's wider failings - go private.

But having the choice is a privilege in itself.

BGS?! That would be the bottom of my list. I have heard nothing good about that school in decades.

I teach in a private school (in Somerset as it happens). It's a lovely place to work, and to go to school. Low confrontation, high levels of trust, generally calm, positive atmosphere. (Don't get me wrong - it's not perfect! But I love my job, which doesn't seem to be the norm on MN)

You're paying for a healthy environment in which your children can thrive (and usually a wider range of extra curriculars/trips etc). You're not paying per grade.

I think if it is a case of dyslexia and not necessarily more complicated SEND, which is a stupidly reductive statement and not one I think anyone can make, but truly having had a child in private with Asperger's and social and communication issues, but who excels academically... it wasn't easy. Private schools report to private parents and with a child like mine it wasn't easier if anything it was harder. But maybe that's not true of every school. They have narrow criteria of the children that they can manage and it became more and more difficult with one who was affected by mental health and exclusion by peers. Especially as small classes. It sort of worked against him. And the pressure and anxiety to keep up with the peers who were all sporty and excelled, was too much. Maybe it was our circs but I don't know. I think you have to look at your child and their ability and what they need and be really honest with the school and yourselves, state isn't perfect but he's doing well academically and I think that the more controlled chaos has taken the spotlight on him feeling like the odd kid out,