To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

I'm in London too and I think the following factors play a role:
-generally wealthier families, which means families can afford another year of nursery or to have one parent stay at home most of the time.
-more traditional family set ups within some cultures, so again there is a woman at home to look after the children.

Amongst my non-london friends there is no one who has delayed their summer-born child's start because another year of nursery is unaffordable and both parents are working. The decision is mostly for practical reasons.

I think a lot of people perceive summer born children to be disadvantaged/left behind and no one wants that for their child - so holds them back a year.
I think it will create more problems later on tho. The maturity gap of almost two years in some classes is going to be hard to manage

I don't know about deferring bit I wish repeating years was more common. It makes so little sense to push through children who have not acquired the skills and then expect teachers to cope with pupils who have extremely different standards in the same class. It really helps nobody at all, not least the children.

I'm in Scotland and it's very common here and has been for a while. Our cut-offs are a bit different, but you can defer Jan/Feb born kids and get an extra year of funded childcare (30 hours) so they go to school at 5.5 instead of 4.5.

In DD1's nursery, all Jan/Feb kids bar one were deferred and she just started P1 in August at 5 and a half. Incredibly glad I did it.

I don't think it's as commonplace in England yet judging by threads on here, but certainly up here it's not anything unusual.

DS is 28 July. I would have seriously considered it, had it been an option 12 years ago.
He is happily doing well at school and has just started 6th form, but he was always quite obviously one of the youngest in his year for a long time.

It wouldn't be common around here most parents aren't that educated that they would have looked into it and are largely glad for their children to start school and get out from under their feet. I think wealth, and education have a lot to say and once you know one person that's done it more will do so.

My September born baby was walking and signing in sentences and starting to talk around before many of her classmates had even been born. I do think it makes a big difference being one of the oldest in the classroom until year 5 or so then it levels out.

You did what was right for you and your family though. By year 11 some of those children might be very resentful they have to do another year

I have worked as a TA in reception classes for a long time.

The truth is that lots of children who have only just turned 4 before starting school are not really ready. It’s nothing to do with academic ability either. They are not ready emotionally.

That’s not to say it was the same for you and your DS

I’m sure you made the best decision for your DS and I’m sure the other parents you are referring to made the best decision for their dc. I’m surprised that this shocks you.

Dd born mid July would definitely have benefitted from another year of nursery. She wasn't ready for school at just turned 4 and I wish it had been an option back then.

My son is a late august born and started at 4. He’s in year 2 now and very average/not behind at all. He is also tall for his age and very mature so fits in well!
He also couldn’t write his name or do much more than count to 20. At the end of year 1 he was still doing his phonics and reading at reception level but has smashed this first few weeks and has jumped up to where he should be.

This depends on the area. Don’t tend to see it in 11+ / selective school areas as it disadvantages pupils. In your case I’d be worried that having children over 12 months older than yours in the same class will negatively impact your age appropriate child and request a clear plan about how the school is going to handle this.

We had to delay because medical issues would have made it very difficult to start with her cohort. The difference her being nearly 5.5 rather than 4.5 when starting has been staggering. She's eager to learn, goes in happily, there's no resistance to the learning aspects. She's 'ready' now. That's not why we deferred, but it's been a nice bonus.

I would certainly delay a July or August born now based on that, though I appreciate it widens the gap for the class and that's not ideal. I've seen how of the August borns have struggled with my eldest and I'd rather not put them through that unless I really needed to.

The only children I’ve heard of round here whose summer borns were deferred were due to additional learning needs. The school and the LA make it very clear deferment is only for exceptional circumstances such as additional needs or prematurity that meant if they were not premature they would have gone into the year below. I have two July babies and a December baby, December baby still in nursery, eldest settled in absolutely fine, middle started in September and whilst he is in his own world the majority of the time, also appears to be settling well. Out of the two, if I was to defer it would be my middle child as he does feel younger than some of his peers in some ways and exists largely in his own realm, but so far he’s been fine!

I wish we had had the option!
DS is 31st August! Academically he was always fine, 7/8/9’s at GCSE and A/B at A level, but he always struggled a bit otherwise, being smaller for Rugby teams, not able to drive till well after his friends, generally slightly always a bit behind his peers at general life I suppose! But someone has got to be youngest…

I know a small handful of parents who actually timed their pregnancies to have the oldest child in their year group....with an eye on GCSEs and A Levels and university admissions!

Nothing to be shocked about. It’s an option for parents so it doesn’t surprise me that some do take it. Just turned 4yo is very young to be starting school and the impact of being summer born on school performance is well known.

That’s not a judgement upon you for sending your child to school at just turned four - the majority do.

I just find it funny how people get quite het up over families who decide to buck the trend, because it’s the way things have always been done.

I’m pretty sure that’s not a perception. It has data to back it up unfortunately.

Have a teenage DD and a little DD, both Jan born (as PP have said, cut off is different in Scotland). Didn’t defer for DD1 and while the age difference wasn’t noticeable in primary, it does make a big difference in secondary. Will definitely defer for DD2.

It’s now an option to defer up to August-born birthdays in Scotland (or fife anyway) without any issues arising- no real disadvantages to starting school later tbh so it’s a good thing in my book!

It’s pretty common here. There’s a very little one in DD’s class that absolutely should have been deferred IMO, he has to have a 1-2-1 and can’t join in a lot of the activities as he just can’t manage. Some of his issues aren’t going to disappear in 12 months as I imagine he has some learning differences but he looks absolutely bewildered. He was 4 the day before school started at the end of Aug.

Conversely though, my DD would absolutely have managed if she had gone last year, she’s an early September born and was completely bored by nursery this last year as could already read etc so it’s more about the child and less about age.

I’m sure in the long run any disadvantages for yours will balance out @Killiam.

I wish we had deferred our August born a decade ago when she started but we were told she'd have to skip Reception and go straight into Y1 when she did start, and we felt that would've been more detrimental to her in the long run. She definitely wasn't emotionally ready though.

@fourelementary Ah yes, I do remember reading something about that! When DD1 was deferred you could apply for Nov/Dec babies and it was at council's discretion, but think that's changed to what you say now.

DD2 is June so don't have to make the decision for her but absolutely would do the same again and defer her if she had been born in the winter months!

It's really discouraged round here but I suspect that's because most schools are very small village schools with intakes of about 10-18 kids per year, and classes are often two year groups. So my DD is just 4 and has just started school but her class is mixed Yr R and Yr 1. It's probably more manageable for small schools to manage the very young ones vs in bigger intake schools.

Not sure what data. I grew up in a place where it was common to skip and year and to be held back a year or two. Up to four years ago gap but relative academic parity.
Much easier to handle slightly differing maturity levels (which exist anyway) versus academic abyss.

DD1 was 2 months prem and should have been a September baby. She was 4 and 6 weeks when she started school. DD2 (full term) was 4 and 2 weeks at the start of reception.

They transitioned very easily from day nursery to school. I honestly don’t think being young for their year held them back over their school career.

There are lots of factors in school readiness besides age.

I didn't defer but my DD really struggled with school in the earlier years and I wish I had known this was a possibility.