To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

[Killiam]

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

We deferred our August born. They move to be the oldest which helps them, plus you get a bonus year of pre-school fun activities.

My eldest is a July baby, now in year 2. He was absolutely fine starting school when he did, at just turned four, but it clearly would have been giving him a huge advantage to have started a year later - I remember looking at him when he was just starting year 1 and thinking how advanced he would have seemed if he was just going into reception then. There is one child in his class whose parents did do this and you can absolutely tell that she's the oldest in the class (and she's a June birthday, so she is oldest by a good few months, and over a year older than DS1). I think I'm fine with our decision - which, to be honest, was probably over-influenced by the fact I'm a July baby and incurred no harm from it - but I can absolutely see why someone would choose differently.

I have to say that I disagree.
I do not think that the UK is prioritising play-based learning at all.
The amount of play in reception is shocking. Learning is becoming more and more table-based. In year 1 there is virtually no play.
Remember that UK year 1 kids in Scandinivia would not even be in formal schooling yet.
I would also not say that countries with higher school commencement ages have more structured kindergarten or nursery. South Africa is an example I know. The kids really only play until they start Grade 1 ( year they turn 7).
Grade R ( year they turn 6) is a bit more table based and academically orientated, but not akin to formal school in UK. Play is very much still the norm.

No way would I have wanted any child of mine starting school when they had just turned 4. The youngest of my three to start did so a week before their fifth birthday. They spent five mornings a week in a council nursery before then. Four is too young to start full time school imo.

Tbh I’d have happily started my Oct born Dd a year early together with her Aug born friends!

Maybe that should be an option too?

Honestly I think it depends on the child. Some are ready and some need more time. I kept my youngest back on the recommendation of their preschool teacher. The primary school is huge (4 form entry) and they just weren’t ready. They'd missed lots early years because of Covid & hadn’t built social skills. A friend had a summer born child who they initially held back, but they thrived and were moved up, so doesn’t always work for the child.

My daughter was born in July and I enquired about deferring when she started school 25 years ago as the school had moved from a September and January intake to just a September intake. I was told I could defer for a year but she would start in Y1 and not Reception. Luckily in our case there was an unusual number of summer born children in the year.

The school and the LA make it very clear deferment is only for exceptional circumstances such as additional needs or prematurity that meant if they were not premature they would have gone into the year below.

That's an illegal policy.

In Ireland when I was in school (80s), it was age 4, in the last few years they say age 5 and give precedence to people closer aged 6! Tbh both my sons were 4 and a half and both teachers said there was a world of difference between age 4 and 5, one said the older ones were easier in every way.

People say this a lot but it's quite misleading - in a lot of countries all children are in some sort of childcare by age 4 and what they do might not be called school but it is otherwise very like what our children do in reception.

I didn't say that the UK has play-based learning. The countries where they start school aged 3 do.

I would definitely have deferred at that age, but I live in Scotland.
My DD has an October birthday and in England she'd be one of the oldest. As it is, so many deferred there are only two younger than her in her class- even though the cut off is officially Feb!

To be honest in Scotland I think it's gone a bit far - there's a boy in my DDs class who is 14 months older than her, and he's nearly 18 months older than her January born friend. He smashes all of them at all the sports things. But that's another story. I think just turned 4 is too early for formal school, but nearly 5 is generally fine to start.

That wasn't our experience of either reception or year 1.

Sure, it has data, but it's a virtual obsession among middle-class English people. I mean, the data crosses cultures, but the competitive, insecure, socially aspirant type of attitude to parenting and education you get among the MC in England catastrophises it. Someone will always be the youngest in a year group.

Not sure what data.

Does "Google" ring any bells?

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a7b29e5ed915d3ed9062971/DFE-RR017.pdf

My dad started at 4.5yr, her friend started at 5yr 7months. The youngest in her class was 4yr 2months when starting and the oldest was 5yr 7months. Nearly a year and a half age difference. They are all great friends.

Dd not dad 😂

If you defer school entry here, your child then misses Reception and goes straight into Y1, which I thought was even worse, so my child had just stopped being 3 when he started.

I was “accelerated “ back in my time and in my country and following my experience I started reading on deferrals before my July born was even born!

He turned out speech delayed and on the SEN register so I had a case, but would have pushed it regardless.

His class is full of non-deferred summer borns, but they are mostly girls for which on average the impact is waaaay lower given their faster development rate. One of my DS’s closest friends is a girl 1y 1m younger than him, she looks like his mum 😂😂

None of the personal “my august born child did find” stories really matter when the educational and psychological research papers overwhelmingly say otherwise.
sex and birth order also makes a difference.

Eastern Europe is compelety different system. Yes, they do start at 6-7, but think of it as going straight into Y3, no Reception. Also they finish later, think equivalent of A-levels.

While I take your point, I also think it's a bit odd the way people focus on the gap with the oldest - it makes it sound like all the others will be nearly 5 with just this one poor just turned 4 year old. DS1 is 13 months younger than the oldest child in his class (because her deferring stretched the gap further!) but half the class is within a few months of him. If you compare the oldest and youngest the difference is obvious, but in the general throng it is so much less so - he's the second-youngest, but he isn't the second-smallest, the second-shyest or the second-least academic, those are all children who are older than him.

Where I live in wales I don’t know anyone who has deferred their summer born. Our kids start school at 3 and are in for 2.5 hours a day. My son is August born and at first you could definitely tell. He was not as physically, socially or academically advanced as his peers. However he’s in year 8 now and doing brilliantly. He’d be fuming with me if he was in the year below because it wouldn’t have helped him in any way and he’d be doing an extra year of school (or so it would feel to him). Also, he wouldn’t have been allowed to play football with the year below and football is his huge hobby that he plays with many school friends.

My daughter is September born. She was more ready to start school aged almost 4 instead of just 3 like my son. However, she’s in year 5 now and no more academically, physically or socially able than he was by this age. If anything, she’s a bit behind in her maths. I think the only reason I would choose to defer a summer born child would be if they were born prem and were due to be in the year below or they had additional needs and would be better suited to an extra year before school. It helps living in wales because our curriculum is play based for longer than England so no whole class formal learning in year 1

There are always threads on this, and it's mostly responses from parents saying their summer-born was fine starting at just turned four, and then others saying they are glad they deferred.

You don't know how your child would be. There are potential advantages and disadvantages for both options - yes, starting school later may be better for a young four year old, but they might struggle when their 'normal' cohort are off to university/going out to work and they have a whole extra year of school to finish.

People will make different choices, you will do what's best for your child. I don't think it's as 'life-changing' as some like to make out - everyone knows summer-borns who have done well and September borns who have done less well in school. There are many factors to consider for children in schools. Just focus on supporting your child as much as you can.

We considered it until we discovered it affects senior school (round here they put them back in their "correct" year so they either miss year 6 or year 7 depending when you make the move) and the head teachers need to sign it off. It's hard and you have to do what is right by your child but it shouldn't be the norm.