To ask for my money back?

[Bitawkwarddilemma]

Bit of an awkward one. I hate talking about money at the best of times!

My elderly neighbour is struggling a little, car is out of action at the moment and she seems a little lonely. So, I offered to run her to the supermarket at the weekend as, although her son takes her shopping, she likes to have a mooch round and get out.

DD and I took her yesterday, got our bits while neighbour got hers, then I gave neighbour a hand at the till and packing etc.

Neighbour is waiting for new bank card to arrive so only had cash, which I knew, but then the bill got rung up, it was £90 ABOVE what she had with her!
I just put the difference on my card as wanted to make it easy for neighbour, then I dropped her home and took her shopping in for her.
She asked for my bank details, which I wrote down for her, and then we said bye.

Money hasn't appeared yet but it's only been a day. If it had been £10 or £20 then I wouldn't have minded and probably written it off, but £90 is more than a weekly food shop for us! We simply can't afford it.

Ugg, I have her son's number but just feel so awkward. I'm starting to realise why he doesn't let her go shopping without him...and why he's quite 'bossy' with her (her words), he seems lovely and very approachable, but still.
have I been an idiot? Should I have offered to help her put some things back? That probably would've been easiest, but in the moment, I just wanted to help and didn't want her to feel embarrassed.
what would you do?

Also, it doesn't feel right asking her for money, she's a little ditsy bless her, I guess the only option is to message her son? I'm pretty sure she'll have the receipt showing the balance I paid..
I really wanted to help as I feel bad for not helping my Dad before he died, but with doing things - not by giving money!!!

I'd give it until the end of the week and then I'd remind her and say you'd happily take cash. I also would not take her shopping again. It seems a strange thing to go that far over her budget if she only had cash with her.

Act upon it now before the receipt conveniently goes missing.

Knock with the pretence of seeing how she is and ask her to transfer the money NOW.

Thanks Barrio, I don't think I'll be going again, she's sweet, quite eccentric, but it's just awkward now. Everything she chose was very high end, that's why it cost so much.
I'll leave it till the end of this week.

Thanks Miss Skegness, ugg, it feels awkward but I'll pop up I guess...

I'd give it another day or two.
Was she planning to transfer the money using online banking? If so that literally takes minutes so she's either forgotten or is unable to carry this out and js maybe waiting for her son to help her.
If no money appears by tomorrow I'd call remind her and call the son.
Yes I'd be helping by doing what you can when you can but I'd not be involving money.
She must have got a huge shop for one person if she went £90 over her budget.

It sounds like she's got form for this sort of thing if her son normally takes her. and also she's possibly gone off and bought high end stuff while he's not around to make sure she's stuck to a budget. Ask her now then get onto her son if they money doesn't appear pronto.

Don’t wait. Tell the son now. My Gran was your neighbour and really, we wish people had just told us whenever she managed to do something like that. We hated that some friend or neighbour had been sitting for a week or two fretting about how to handle it, and feeling awkward or upset or in a difficult position. If they’d just told us straight away, we’d have sorted it and also been able to talk to them about not taking her out again or being careful etc.

Message the son. You can do it in a “just so you know.” Just say she asked to go with you so you took her and she may have been confused but her bill went £90 over what she had with her so you paid it and just wanted him to be aware as you may have made a mistake taking her and you’re not sure if she is able to pay you back but that you can’t afford to lose the money etc.

It's an awkward one. Transfers usually happen quite quickly but I have encountered some taking longer. I think if it were me, I'd wait until the son was visiting and pop out with your bank details and say something like "I was just going to give your mum my bank details again as I think she might have misplaced them", he'll hopefully ask why.

Honestly I would do this. I would want to know and I would be mortified that anyone went without due to my mum.

Thanks all, I was just sitting stewing so gave her a quick call (she's my neighbour but a few mins walk away) and she said she's been trying but hasn't managed as she couldn't read my writing, so I've said I'll pop in on way to do school run, so fingers crossed all will be sorted!
thank you everyone - was getting a bit anxious about it all!

I agree - I would also want to know if it was my relative.
if she's not able to when I pop
over, I'll message her son..

I wouldn't embarrass her to her son straight away, that's totally assuming she's incapable and may be really insulting. Give her a chance to pay, just ask her like you would anyone else, could you pay the money you owe me I'm a bit short myself this week. If she doesn't remember, or seems confused then raise it with the son.

That's great, she might not know how to do a bank transfer and pretending to not be able to read your writing and waiting for her son to help. Hopefully you get it sorted today

Hope it's sorted soon. That's too large amount to let go.

Popped round but she couldn't get her online banking to work!

She should have put stuff back, shouldn’t have offered, esp as you can’t afford to.
Unlikely you’ll see money

Just because she's old doesn't mean she's not pulling a fast one.

She knew how much cash she had but somehow went £90 over.

Her internet banking 'isn't working'

Call her son now. It might be time to take some of her high end items back to the shop.

It is unfortunately true that no good deed goes unpunished.

What did she say? She doesn’t know the log in? Or she doesn’t know how it works?

You really just need to text the son. He clearly handles taking her shopping and keeping her from doing stuff like this, you stepped in and instead of standing back and letting her deal with paying for stuff, you gave her money. He needs to know.

£90 over what she had in cash???
That must have been one hell'uva shop for a single pensioner 😮

There's a reason why her Son is like he is, and it's probably to ensure she avoids getting into situations such as this. He wasn't around on this occasion, so this has occurred. I think you'd be best off getting in touch with her Son to explain.

I don't think I'd be getting involved with her online banking etc. It could leave you wide open to all manner of accusations. Contact the Son, and make him aware. I wouldn't get involved with taking her shopping again.

It's different if it's a loaf or a box of teabags, but a £90+ shop is something else entirely.

All sorted, she managed to transfer just now and called me 😊I'd offered to call her son when she was struggling with the online bits, to make
it easier for her so she didn't have to worry about it.
Feel a bit mean now for making such a big thing of it (on here and in my head that is, I didn't to her).
Lesson learned I guess - but what is that lesson? To not offer? And to help her put bits back or to not go at all?

Good news. Maybe have a private word with the son? You don't have to mention your shopping trip.

I think I'd be busy if she asks again. I wouldn't want the hassle.

Good idea lushlemon, he seems very nice and I would want someone to do the same if it were my mum.

Agreed Barrio queen, she does have a quite a good support network (albeit a bit lonely at times), I can't afford it were it to happen again! (Though it turned out fine in the end). Maybe I'll stick to popping over for a cup of tea!