To ask for my money back?

[Bitawkwarddilemma]

Bit of an awkward one. I hate talking about money at the best of times!

My elderly neighbour is struggling a little, car is out of action at the moment and she seems a little lonely. So, I offered to run her to the supermarket at the weekend as, although her son takes her shopping, she likes to have a mooch round and get out.

DD and I took her yesterday, got our bits while neighbour got hers, then I gave neighbour a hand at the till and packing etc.

Neighbour is waiting for new bank card to arrive so only had cash, which I knew, but then the bill got rung up, it was £90 ABOVE what she had with her!
I just put the difference on my card as wanted to make it easy for neighbour, then I dropped her home and took her shopping in for her.
She asked for my bank details, which I wrote down for her, and then we said bye.

Money hasn't appeared yet but it's only been a day. If it had been £10 or £20 then I wouldn't have minded and probably written it off, but £90 is more than a weekly food shop for us! We simply can't afford it.

Ugg, I have her son's number but just feel so awkward. I'm starting to realise why he doesn't let her go shopping without him...and why he's quite 'bossy' with her (her words), he seems lovely and very approachable, but still.
have I been an idiot? Should I have offered to help her put some things back? That probably would've been easiest, but in the moment, I just wanted to help and didn't want her to feel embarrassed.
what would you do?

I would tell the son and say that you wanted to be open and transparent about what happened. That she's sorted it all out but in hindsight you are wondering if she's supposed to be working to a stricter budget.
I would be very careful that under no circumstances does anyone get the impression that she is being at risk of taken advantage of. Especially as you've been so kind.
It is really common that people financially abuse pensioners*. So if he's checking her accounts and asks her how on earth she managed to spend £200 in two days or where £90 has gone to, he's going to be initially at least very concerned.

*I work in an area where this regularly comes up and we have to train our staff to look out for it.

Glad you got it sorted. I think it's important to mention this episode to the lady's son. If you offer to take her shopping again, you could help by checking how much she has to spend before you set out, and helping her keep to budget. If you have the time, and are willing, that is. It won't look good to have bank transfers from her account to yours if she is starting to get confused and therefore vulnerable to abuse.

She tried to pay, got confused with online banking, sorted it out. What's all the fuss about?

Call her son. Tell him the whole tale. Let him pay you and sort it out and don't do this again. £90 is a lot over budget especially when this was an unplanned mooch

Looks like the lesson is give her the benefit of the doubt and help if she needs it and you have time.

Online transfer isn't easy for elderly and getting someone to go to the bank and withdraw cash not easy either.

Good that it’s all sorted but you didn’t overreact at all - £90 over? That’s an absolutely bonkers amount.

Sounds like she has some form of dementia and can't be trusted with money which is why her son is looking after her.

Tread carefully with 'ditzy' elderly neighbours, my MIL's car wasn't working for a while but that was because she had dementia and we had disconnected the battery before she had a chance to run someone over. She also used to go wild shopping for tons of stuff she didn't need and most went in the bin.

You're lucky you got your money back. The son might have said 'who asked you to help out?'.

Just ask her! Don't treat her like a child and go behind her back to her son.

The lesson learnt, is to ask the person, not allow your head to make up a completely fabricated story around the non payment. Took me years to learn this and I still forget sometimes. 😊