I'm prepared to be told I'm being too sensitive but 2 weeks ago it was my birthday and after having a rough year was looking forward to being a teeny bit spoilt. I wasn't looking for anything much just a nice breakfast, a little token gift (or the item I bought cheaply on vinted wrapped and given to me) and a day where I wasn't responsible for cooking, planning, cleaning and life admin.
It started positively with my husband bringing me a cup of coffee and a card including one from our youngest adult child who is away at uni. Our eldest daughter who is in her mid 20s and still at home didn't wake until mid morning and brought me a home made card using printer paper that wouldn't even stand-up -think badly executed primary school project rather than craft fayre. Fair enough- I was gracious and said thank you, it's lovely.
Husband asked what I wanted for breakfast but followed it up with we were out of bread but he'd go out if I wanted him to get something. This irritated me somewhat given we live a 15 minute drive each way from the nearest convenience store and clearly showed no planning/ thought. I said I was fine with coffee as preferred to be together and assumed I would have a gift or two to open especially as my daughter had been seeing friends in London for the week before so had easy access to excellent shops. They made themselves cereal and could barely make any conversation before they left me alone in the lounge.
By midday I was was feeling so hurt that clearly nothing special had been arranged (although I later saw that they had made some cookies earlier in the week when I had been out and whilst a nice gesture showed absolute disregard for my very recent diabetes diagnosis and me desperately trying to adjust my diet). I ended up sorting washing as they had over filled the laundry basket without even vaguely considering taking it to the washing machine! I then sorted some life admin tasks- finances and insurance etc. By 2 o'clock I had been sat on my own for 2 hours with nothing to eat all day so made myself some cheese and crackers and had a little cry at how pathetic my birthday had turned out. I'm not proud of what I did next but I went to my daughters bedroom where they were laughing playing computer games and could not resist using some choice words saying I'd remember their actions on their birthday and not arrange the usual days of celebrations often involving expensive shopping trips, breakfast out, family parties, trips to nice places and surprise gifts.
I then went to my bedroom, cried, watched TV, treated myself to some bits on vinted, and felt totally dejected pretending to my friends and family who were messaging me happy birthday that I was having a lovely birthday. I didn't have a single gift to open (parents gave me some money and friends have arranged a trip to the theatre/meal out). I assumed my husband and daughter would soon appear at the door to say sorry we messed up, we love you, give us an hour to gather a few things and let's restart your birthday but no absolutely nothing. The day before I had done a shop and my husband made dinner using the things I'd purchased asking if I wanted any. However it was a roast dinner which is something I rarely have and not in keeping with my very determined healthy eating plan where I like potatoes baked and veggies steamed not dripping in fat. Given it was near 7pm I was getting more upset (& sadly sulky) and declined. I know it's not nice to sulk but all I needed was an apology and some recognition that they had made me feel totally unimportant and lonely on my birthday after a really tough year. Since then they have barely spoken to me. I thought I was important to my family but now it feels like my importance is only as the cleaner, cook and organiser. It seems such a trival thing to ignite a lot of big feelings including questioning what I previously thought was a happy marriage.