AIBU for giving DD6 a row for breaking things?

[WiseMouse]

DD is part human, part tyrannosaurus rex, or so it seems to me sometimes. She is so careless with her things, (and often my things as well). She doesn't stop to think. Like if something doesn't fit in a box, she doesn't pause to flip it over, or asks for help, but just pushes, and pushes, and stomps until it fits... and then of course it breaks.

Just like many of the girls in her class, she loves princess stuff and pretty things. I gave her a necklace with a clasp that she had been asking for for ages, we put it on, she was so proud, but when she was tired of wearing it, she just yanked it off rather than ask me to help her. Couldn't be fixed. She snapped her tiara, tore the fabric roses off her cape, destroyed her pop-up book by turning the pages too wildly, she emptied the entire bottle of glitter glue on one page... and today her granny (my MIL) gave her a crochet giraffe, and somehow she managed to unravel it within an hour, even though I told her to stop pulling on the tail until I had some time to fix it (MIL hadn't stitched it up quite right). Anyway, I was really angry because I know MIL will be sad because she worked hard on this. So I gave DD a row, and took everything from her room that's fragile to store in the attic until she learns to be more careful.

DH says that I overreacted, and we should just stop buying her stuff and accept she'll break everything (toys, clothes, hair accessories, all of which she rips and breaks, not to mention how she puts stickers everywhere and painted on all the bedroom walls). But I like things to be neat and hate living in a home with so many broken things. I mean, you expect this from a toddler, but not from a 6 year old. I need her to be more careful and teach her that objects have value. AIBU?

@User79853257976

I know what dialect is, but if you’re writing on a public forum it’s probably going to serve you better to write in standard phrases

And how the fuck is a Scottish person supposed to know what "standard phrases" are for anyone outwith Scotland? Who's setting the standard here?

As a Scottish person I'm constantly learning that phrases and words I thought were standard are not known or used in England.

Frankly, I pity your minuscule choice of vocabulary in comparison to ours. Must make it hard to express yourself. Perhaps that's why you couldn't express yourself in this comment without coming across like a total tube.

Here's some standard phrases you should find useful:

Away and bile yer heid min
Yer arse is oot the windae
Haud yer wheesht
Shut yer geggy

Hope that helps, as the standard phrase goes.

OP you could be describing my daughters exactly here, they are wrecking balls. It’s so draining. I decorated their room so nicely made them bunkbeds and they peeled the paint off the woodwork etc. Spilling everything. Breaking drinks bottles. Stained uniforms. The worst part is I genuinely don’t think they mean to do it so I feel guilty telling them off all the time. We are currently pursuing through the GP an autism and adhd assessment. I don’t think other people’s children are this bad and people who have pristine little angels who do as they’re told don’t get it at all.

YANBU.

There's a difference between being careless or clumsy on the one hand and being ungrateful and disrespectful of other people (e.g. the giraffe) on the other hand.

I might understand a two-year-old scribbling on walls because they’re too young to understand why they shouldn’t, but if your DD did it recently I would say there is a big problem somewhere.

😂😂😂. Absolutely howling at this. Excellent response.

See I didn’t read it as OP’s daughter being ungrateful, I read it as impulsivity or compulsive behaviour (picking at something despite being told not to she couldn’t help herself). It sounds like neurodivergence to me. My daughters are always so grateful for any gifts they receive and they remember what every single person has ever bought them! But they break and damage things without meaning to.

I have English as my first language and have never heard this phrase and was initially confused by it. To me a "row" is an argument, usually between adults and something one has, not gives. I suspect this is a regional usage.

The ‘row’ debate reminds me when someone posted on here that they had clapped a cat and another user asked why they were giving the cat a round of applause.

I couldn't really get cross about this. Children break things. It is also part of their normal exploration of the world. It doesn't mean anything, I broke everything as a child (and showed no contrition) and as an adult, I'm very careful with my belongings. Just don't give her anything precious and don't replace what's broken. It's useful to remember what's precious to you isn't precious to her, she might not be attached to objects, and that's fine.

YANBU, OP. Unlikely she has special needs, 6 is more than old enough to understand that things will break if handled roughly, and that things have a cost, so an airy "Oh we can just buy another if I smash this one" is not okay.

Give her back the things you removed gradually and see if she handles them more sensibly. If she is smart enough to do well at school, she will learn from this pretty easily.

She's clever. Sit her down and say "darling, you're a wonderful girl but you break stuff. I'm not going to get you replacements any more because there's just no point, they get broken too. This isn't a punishment and I'm sorry I was cross."

So then explain how she has no dexterity issues when it's stuff she's making herself

Standard phrases?

Wtf?

I sympathise, my SD was the same way before her ADHD diagnosis. She decided to go on medication and she's not so destructive.

Yes…such as language understood by the majority of English speakers. For example, if I posted on an American forum I might need to adapt my language to avoid ambiguity.

I honestly don't see that as the same situation. Being clumsy ie. dropping a plate isn't stamping on something to make it fit in a box or yanking hard on a necklace to get it off. You weren't being thoughtless or inconsiderate by dropping a plate. DD's attitude of "oh buy another one" when she breaks stuff is not on, even at 6 years old.

😂😂😂👏

You realise America has more "English speakers" than England?

Oh, and English is also the most common spoken language in Scotland - shocker!

Maybe you need to brush up on your English, and you'd have recognised that the comment was in the English language

It sounds like she doesn't understand the effort, time, and patience that goes into making things, nor the cost involved - which is not unusual at six years of age.

Can you get her to take up a hobby or craft that does take time and patience? I started needlepoint at that age and then moved onto hand embroidery. My mother started knitting at the age of five. Maybe if she spends days or weeks making something of her own she'll understand what your MIL did for her.

English is my first language and I've never heard the expression either

I don't think you've been too harsh. You've spoken to her numerous times and her attitude is to shrug and say you can buy a new one.
I'd move anything precious/valuable too until she can show you that she'd look after it.
I also wouldn't be replacing broken things immediately. She's only six but she needs to learn to respect and look after things.

@User79853257976

Yes…such as language understood by the majority of English speakers. For example, if I posted on an American forum I might need to adapt my language to avoid ambiguity.

How was the OP supposed to have the clairvoyant skills required to know that English people don't say "give a row"? I'm Scottish and it's the first I'm learning you don't say it.

You're telling me if you were posting on an American site you'd know every single word or phrase you use that they wouldn't know, and would adapt accordingly?

Boll. Ocks.

Before you buy or give her anything think will it upset me if/when she breaks this. If the answer is yes. DONT DO IT.