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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands drunk on holiday...

393 replies

Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:19

So DH booked a suprise holiday for 40th to a very romantic destination...
Has a horrible history with alcohol. I don't drink and he knows how much I hate his drink. Don't realise how bad it was until after marriage...

I ignore he drinks with friends/cousins as it's out of my face but drinking with me and kids is a no go.
he has been drinking on holiday and when I have asked him not to he always comes back with I'm a grown adult you can't tell me what to do. Which is true but it's respect for your partner. but today he drank beer after beer and is now soo pissed I don't recognise him I can't reason with him. His eyes are bloodshot, he's changed our evening plans and won't communicate with me as he's not in his full senses. He has left the resort alone and has said he knows not to do nice holidays with me in future and will only stick to family ones.
I have asked him to come to the room and sleep it off at least talk to me but he won't. He's gone for dinner and I said I wish I was at home and he said so do I (wish I wasn't there). So I came back to the room and he left.
im so hurt I'm crying.
what now?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Scutterbug · 29/09/2024 16:21

What a twat. I would get yourself dressed up and go and get dinner without him.

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:22

Scutterbug · 29/09/2024 16:21

What a twat. I would get yourself dressed up and go and get dinner without him.

I'm not really hungry. The anxiety has ruined appetite and I just want to be home. What do i do?

OP posts:
watchuswreckthemic · 29/09/2024 16:24

How much longer of the holiday do you have?

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:25

watchuswreckthemic · 29/09/2024 16:24

How much longer of the holiday do you have?

Come back tomorrow..

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 29/09/2024 16:25

You go out and have a walk then something to eat. If possible you move into another room. Then when he is sober you tell him it's alcohol or your marriage.

Oblomov24 · 29/09/2024 16:25

He's already gone to dinner on his own? So he's hungry, not that drunk then?

rubyslippers · 29/09/2024 16:25

Honestly I would leave
do you have the means to do that?
his behaviour is inexcusable

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:26

Sparkletastic · 29/09/2024 16:25

You go out and have a walk then something to eat. If possible you move into another room. Then when he is sober you tell him it's alcohol or your marriage.

I miss my kids and hate how he sees nothing wrong with what he's done. Like why?

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 29/09/2024 16:26

Are your kids with you? If so you really need to put on a brave face for them and try and enjoy the holiday without him. Tell him you won’t put up with him drinking anymore at all and if he doesn’t get help for it you won’t be together anymore.

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:27

Pigeonqueen · 29/09/2024 16:26

Are your kids with you? If so you really need to put on a brave face for them and try and enjoy the holiday without him. Tell him you won’t put up with him drinking anymore at all and if he doesn’t get help for it you won’t be together anymore.

No kids just us 2.

OP posts:
goodboystepup · 29/09/2024 16:27

How many beers has he had? 3, 8, 10?

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:28

rubyslippers · 29/09/2024 16:25

Honestly I would leave
do you have the means to do that?
his behaviour is inexcusable

We fly tomorrow. I'm actually worries about him. He doesn't really know he's done. He's text me where he's gone to eat - our place I had picked earlier but he's acting so unrecognisable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:28

goodboystepup · 29/09/2024 16:27

How many beers has he had? 3, 8, 10?

I think nearer 8

OP posts:
Week01 · 29/09/2024 16:28

That's never going work if he's refusing to stop drinking and you're refusing to be ok with him having even a few. So the bigger question is if it's something you're not compatible on, can you stay together? I obviously don't know the back story, but as an adult I wouldnt have someone dictate to me what I could and couldn't do. But as an adult, I'd totally respect my partner (and myself) and not get myself in a state like that.

candlewhickgreen · 29/09/2024 16:29

Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:22

I'm not really hungry. The anxiety has ruined appetite and I just want to be home. What do i do?

Show quote history

This is what I'd do. I'd have a shower, get changed and go to dinner. I'd ask reception if they have any spare rooms and I'd move my stuff into the new room, if not I'd change hotels. I'd phone the airline if possible and see if you can bring your flight forward to leave early.

If I couldn't leave early I'd spend the rest of the holiday doing my own thing, I'm sure there's plenty of sightseeing and things to do.

I'd get home and have a think about how to move forward. If it's with him then it's with him being sober, if not I'd see a lawyer.

ETA just seen you're leaving tomorrow. Then just get another room for tonight.

rubyslippers · 29/09/2024 16:30

Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:28

We fly tomorrow. I'm actually worries about him. He doesn't really know he's done. He's text me where he's gone to eat - our place I had picked earlier but he's acting so unrecognisable.

Show quote history

Make sure you have your passport and if necessary make arrangements to go to the airport without him
he does know what he’s done
he won’t admit it though

Original poster
Unknown987 · 29/09/2024 16:30

Oblomov24 · 29/09/2024 16:25

He's already gone to dinner on his own? So he's hungry, not that drunk then?

He could barely speak. And kept giggling during serious convo. And caught a taxi. He's not his normal self. Stonewalling me

OP posts:
Opensesameseeds · 29/09/2024 16:31

OP that’s appalling behaviour. Personally I wouldn’t bother with changing the flight as it’s tomorrow, but because he’s seemingly so unpredictable I’d see if I could sleep elsewhere for one night and then fly back as normal with him tomorrow.

Then at some point I’d be having a serious chat with him when you’re back home.

Mushroo · 29/09/2024 16:32

Week01 · 29/09/2024 16:28

That's never going work if he's refusing to stop drinking and you're refusing to be ok with him having even a few. So the bigger question is if it's something you're not compatible on, can you stay together? I obviously don't know the back story, but as an adult I wouldnt have someone dictate to me what I could and couldn't do. But as an adult, I'd totally respect my partner (and myself) and not get myself in a state like that.

This. Drinking (within reason) is fine, not drinking is fine. But it seems you’re completely incompatible

Wingedharpy · 29/09/2024 16:32

Are you sure it's just drink that he's had OP?

MabelMora · 29/09/2024 16:33

Fuck him. You haven't got long until you get home, then when you do you have to lay your cards on the table and tell him the marriage is over unless he addresses his addiction.

Scutterbug · 29/09/2024 16:35

Hopefully he will have a hangover and feel crap on the way home tomorrow. Selfish guy.

Opensesameseeds · 29/09/2024 16:35

I think some people have missed some key details. I don’t drink, but I’ve never had a problem with my partner drinking because he doesn’t have a drinking problem. It’s completely different for OP.

Has a horrible history with alcohol. I don't drink and he knows how much I hate his drink. Don't realise how bad it was until after marriage...
I ignore he drinks with friends/cousins as it's out of my face but drinking with me and kids is a no go.

OPs husband seems to have a poor relationship with alcohol, so it makes sense that she does not want him drinking especially around her or her kids. It’s not controlling, it’s smart.

13Ghosts · 29/09/2024 16:36

Contact a solicitor when you get home. If he misses his flight tomorrow, leave him there.

nOasistickets · 29/09/2024 16:36

You’re not compatible - when he’s sober you need to speak to him and see where to go from there .

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