Husbands drunk on holiday...

[Unknown987]

So DH booked a suprise holiday for 40th to a very romantic destination...
Has a horrible history with alcohol. I don't drink and he knows how much I hate his drink. Don't realise how bad it was until after marriage...

I ignore he drinks with friends/cousins as it's out of my face but drinking with me and kids is a no go.
he has been drinking on holiday and when I have asked him not to he always comes back with I'm a grown adult you can't tell me what to do. Which is true but it's respect for your partner. but today he drank beer after beer and is now soo pissed I don't recognise him I can't reason with him. His eyes are bloodshot, he's changed our evening plans and won't communicate with me as he's not in his full senses. He has left the resort alone and has said he knows not to do nice holidays with me in future and will only stick to family ones.
I have asked him to come to the room and sleep it off at least talk to me but he won't. He's gone for dinner and I said I wish I was at home and he said so do I (wish I wasn't there). So I came back to the room and he left.
im so hurt I'm crying.
what now?

Long weekend. Back tomorrow

I agree. My mum was an alcoholic and fought long and hard to overcome it with many relapses. There’s no way she’d have stopped at 8 drinks. She’d drink until she became unconscious. He’s not an alcoholic in any sense that I know. Yeah, he’s an arse after a few drinks and probably doesn’t know when to stop if he doesn’t drink regularly anymore but I’m not sure I’d label him an alcoholic.

He back now. Acting all normal. And ignoring me like I've done something to him. Got his ear pods on... god help me.
i can't believe what he's done. I'm actually so shook

I’m quite concerned by the second half of this quote (sorry I don’t know how to only quote part).
That sounds worrying you are being made to do things you are uncomfortable with?

And he’s definitely an alcoholic. I wish people would stop with the “a few small European pints” BS. I’m guessing he’s downed at least eight 5% pints and still going.

I've left my children at home for this special
birthday. I feel purely stupid to think he may chose me. He won't. And with him I will lose all his family who are my support network. I feel so lost.

You'll be home tomorrow. You can focus on this then.

If you're not packed, start packing to keep busy. Organise an outfit for tomorrow.

Go down to the bar or watch something funny or read on the balcony. Keep yourself busy.
You were miserable when you were with him today, you don't have to sit in misery while he's away too.

Try to shake some of the mood by doing something and do not get into a back and forward with him when he gets back. Either "be asleep" or "over the whole thing" calm and friendly, just keep the mood light.

Absolutely.

When my Ex controlling H used to monitor every drink I had (he couldnt drink) it drove me crazy. Made me rebelliously have another one.

He was a complete control freak. I divorced him. Miserable to live with and his point of view was more important than mine.

Your husband has done something nice for you and you are BU IMO. It is a DC free holiday.

Nobody here can label him an alcoholic for having 8 beers (maybe) on the last day of his holiday.

He back now. Acting all normal. And ignoring me like I've done something to him. Got his ear pods on... god help me.
i can't believe what he's done. I'm actually so shook

Don't talk about it. No point, it'll never make sense when one is drunk.
Pretend it didn't happen, get along.
Or go out til he falls asleep.

If you sit on balcony for half an hour I'm sure he'll pass out.

All those posters who aren't sure if he's an alcoholic need to read all OP's posts. His first marriage broke up because of his drinking. He's an alcoholic.

Have a few drinks with him and loosen up.

You won't need so much support when he is an exh....

With the children 😂😭

I can't believe people are excusing an alcoholic drinking at least 8 drinks...

Even if it was 'fine' because people need to let their hair down on holiday, he doesn't need to be cruel to the OP. He's done this before and it's good to have boundaries.

Why would Op do that?

@wmch you are showing a staggering lack of empathy and understanding of what the OP is going through.

Yes they can. You're confusing the fact that having eight beers alone doesn't make somebody an alcoholic with this person's general relationship with alcohol. He is clearly an alcoholic, based on what the OP has said.

@Staunchlystarling alcoholics never stop being alcoholics.

From what you've said he is an alcoholic. Just because he can go months without drinking it doesn't mean he isn't an alcoholic. As you don't have much experience with alcohol (and even if you did) I recommend you look into Al Anon, it's support for people with family/friends that are alcoholics.

@Dilldanding Some men can take a huge amount of alcohol and function physically. It's what comes out of their mouth that's the problem.

I can’t believe so many people making excuses for this guy.
It’s not about how many he had. He clearly has a major problem with alcohol and ignored OPs wishes. She may have initially come across as controlling but it’s clear he has a drinking problem.

You’re learning that you can’t lay down rules for husbands and expect obedience. Marriage is willing compromise and give and take.

He likes to drink a couple of times a year. Is that something you can accept? Because if you can’t you need to separate. Otherwise you’ll be having this same battle for the rest of your life.

Hi OP,

I was you last year.

Married a non drinker who was T-total due to “past” alcohol issues. Stayed a non drinker for almost 5 years, by then we were married. I won’t bore you with the next 4 years but it followed the patterns you see now. I won’t stop. This will be your life.

Im not going to tell you what to do but my story was I asked him to leave. DC and I now life a very stable, peaceful life. It was and still is hard at times but on the balance I am much happier within myself.

I hope you find a way through whatever choice you make.

Are you from different cultures OP?

You don't have to understand alcohol and how it captures people. Why should you? You already know that alcohol and your husband do not mix well. You also know now that your husband has a problem around drink as he has told you that in the past he would drink a bottle of whiskey a day! That he hid it from you is a very good reason to walk away. What does it matter that you may have a second failed marriage? What matters is that you can make as many mistakes as needed to get through life. The next time (if there is one) you will be wiser.

“But I do feel like im losing myself when im with him. Doing things that I never did before and feel uncomfortable in doing them even though he encourages me.“

Even without the drinking, this is giving me serious red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩

No same cultures same religion. His ex was a different culture. One that alcohol was accepted and it's stemmed from there I imagine. Even though she hated it too