To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

[salair]

My parents dog is going to be put to sleep soon. We got her when I was 16 and living at home.

Now she is aged 9, she has an incurable illness and so will need to be PTS.

So she was not quite a childhood pet, but was there during my college years and then every university holiday period. I also had another year with living with her during covid. I very much think of her as “my dog” rather than “my parents dog”. I really think I am one of her favourites too… 😓

I now live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. Would I be unreasonable not to go and be there when the vet administers the dose?

Some of these responses are breaking my heart.
I've been there with all of mine over the years, but my last, bestest boy was under sedation when I got the call. I was devastated, couldn't stop crying .
I didn't want his last sensation to be fear, as he picked up on my emotions. He was in a calm place and just slipped away. Me being there would have heightened his fear imo.
Very pissed off to hear that vets on here would judge me for that.
Mine certainly did not.

I completely understand you are coming from. Our lovely boy was suddenly diagnosed with all sorts of issues and he was 15. They offered palliative care for a week so we could say goodbye but I turned it down. That would have been for us, not him. We made the decision there and then, he was definitely ready and we both cradled his head when it was done. Please try to be there if you can OP

I am sorry people have upset you. You did nothing wrong.

I had the good fortune to have Mary Stewart (a pioneer in the ethics of the vet-owner-animal relationship) teach me about about euthanasia and the importance of getting animal death right for the owner as well as the pet. She was very clear that some owners prefer not to be there, and that there is nothing wrong with that decision. Of all vet visits, the last one is the most important.
Over 30 years later, her compassion for the final goodbye has stayed with me. I couldn't tell you most of my other lecturer's names.

It's a personal decision but my feeling is to stay with her when she is Pts. As others have said, dogs look for their owners when they are in the vet room and it's heartbreaking to think of them on their own in their final moments having to go through this final step alone and scared. Being with your dog can help to alleviate any stress and discomfort and reduce her anxiety and fear in her final moments. It's extremely hard for us but it's the kindest goodbye.

I think it's a personal decision, your parents will be there, they may have a limit to the number of people in the room and you also have to consider getting home again - could you stay overnight or get the train, or would you have to drive back 4 hours on your own when you're probably very upset? There isn't a right or wrong decision here so make the one you are most comfortable with. I'm sorry about your dog.

Ignore what people on here (who may or may not be vets, we're all internet strangers) say. They weren't there. You and your vet did what was right for your boy. You didn't let him down, I think you made a very selfless decision.

I have always been present no matter how hard it is . I've never wanted them to take their final journey with strangers and no familiar voice as they slip away .

@Fartooold your situation was a different one from this original post.From what l can gather, your dog was already at the vets and under sedation.Sadly it seems there was nothing more the vet could do, so l imagine the vet’s rang you, asked if he/she could be put to sleep.You did your best for your dog, l do understand how difficult it must have been for you.
This isn’t the same situation as the original poster.

I will keep on repeating, it is a personal choice and no one is either right or wrong in their decision whether to be there or not. And no one deserves judgement for their decision.
Well said @Sodthebloodymealplan there are all kinds of reasons why people can't stay and they are totally valid and I also would never judge people over their choices.
If an owner can't for whatever reason stay I will always tell that pet how well loved they were and what a good pet they were. They are treated as if they were my own.

Edited to say the post I refer to quoted a vet with 20 years plus experience who judges people like me. Unfortunately the whole post does not show up.

This was the post that really upset me.
I WAS there for my boy, I quite literally spent thousands on his vetinary care.
I knew he was nearing the end and took him on holiday. He rode a steam train, swam in a lake and ate copious amounts of doggy ice cream.
On return, he had xrays done under sedation.
His condition was beyond treatment and he was in pain. Deep down, I knew, even though I hoped against hope.
This was a dog who saw me through the worst moments of my life and if I could have been there, I would.
BUT, I was near hysterical at the thought of losing him, so those vets who would judge, and those posters who agree, would you really want me to make my gorgeous boy fearful, wanting to comfort me and not understanding my grief?

My choice was to let him just doze off, never knowing a moments fear.

I have been there for every other animal that was pts. In this case, I feel certain I made the right decision for my boy and shame on any vet that judged me.

I have been at lots of euthanasias and I always think a maximum of 2 people is best and preferably one so I don’t think you need to be there . Speak to your parents and arrange to have paw prints done / hair snipped and maybe some ashes to turn into a keep sake . 💐

We will need to help our dog die very soon. I do not expect or want my adult kids there, if they want to - I won't object, I don't want this to create any more pain than it needs to. Dh and I will be there to support each other and to try to make the experience as calm as possible for our very ddog. Extra misery and pain does not help the humans or the dog.

Totally up to you - we had to put our dogs down, one last year, one 3 weeks ago - all of us wanted to be there, 10 and 7 year old included. You dont have to if you dont want to - i gave the kids the option.

The decision may be taken away from you if the dog takes a turn for the worse and your parents need to go without you. But maybe think about going if you can in case you regret not being there afterwards? Sorry you're going through this - it's never easy.