To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

[salair]

My parents dog is going to be put to sleep soon. We got her when I was 16 and living at home.

Now she is aged 9, she has an incurable illness and so will need to be PTS.

So she was not quite a childhood pet, but was there during my college years and then every university holiday period. I also had another year with living with her during covid. I very much think of her as “my dog” rather than “my parents dog”. I really think I am one of her favourites too… 😓

I now live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. Would I be unreasonable not to go and be there when the vet administers the dose?

You may feel regret afterwards it if you don’t go. It isn’t necessary for everyone to the there for your dog’s final moment, in fact the vet would probably prefer it is just one person. But could you go to support your parents? Sorry for your loss 💐

I really hope thats sarcasm

I echo the words above. I think you may regret not being there.

The fact that you would even use the word "killing" here suggests that there is something very wrong

I think you should go and say good bye to her. Spend time with her for her last couple of days.

I feel people who have been through this experience understand and know, what it’s like, how their dog is, before they’re put to sleep.
A dog does have awareness, l held my little dog when she was put to sleep, wrapped in her favourite blanket, l kept her close to my chest, continually spoke to her.When my mums dog was put to sleep(both dogs were elderly, mine 19 yrs old mums 17 yrs old) l supported my mum, she was very upset so l stayed with her dog.
Going throughout this, l feel it’s so important the dog is with someone, who he/she has a close bond with.I needed to be there, not just for my dog and mums, but also to say goodbye, make sure they went with dignity, that the last face they saw is the person that they loved.

Animals do not look around for their owners. Anthropomorphic bullshit to make people who are losing their pets feel guilty as well as grieving their loss. Stop perpetuating that myth.

The decision to remain with a pet while they are euthanased is a deeply personal one and what is right for one person will not be the same for another. I will always be there for my pets. My H cannot bring himself to do it, because he has a very visual long term memory and would be stuck with that video replaying in his mind for the rest of his life. It does not mean he loves them less than me.

I did not want my elderly cat to see a stranger in her last moment of life, so I was there. I wrapped her in a towel and held her while she got the injection and went to sleep forever. It sill makes me teary thinking about it...

But if you already have a family member there you don't need to be there. Also the dog might get agitated with several people in the room so it might be a better option as well from that point of view.

I couldn't be there for my cat (lived 12 hours away) so I rang the vets and said goodbye to her over the phone. Could that be arranged? I flew down for a rabbit (one hour flight) but just missed her. I'd have felt very guilty not trying, though.

Agree. It's about them, not you.

I would not want to be there, even if I was taken the pet to the vet myself. I would just say goodbye and give the pet to the vet.

We had to have our dog PTS 2yrs ago.

I couldn't be with him as I had covid.

Still can't shake the feeling that I let him down in his last moments.

Don't do this. The animal hearing your voice is the sort of thing that will have it looking round for the person it associates with the voice. They don't understand how phones work and that the person is not in the room.

It's a very personal decision. I would very much want to be there, I remember when I was young I never got to say goodbye and my lasting memory is of my lovely dog passed away on the table, his spirit had truly gone. Makes me sad thinking about now.

Ideally, I would have had the chance to say goodbye, and would have kept the moment they passed very brief.

IDK if this will help but in your pets last moments the most important thing is that everyone in the room is calm and quiet. If you know can't manage to do that, its better for them if you let the staff manage things. Its also not good to have too many people in there.
Also if you dog has ever had a general anaesthetic, from her point of view its the same. So she will be familiar with the process and its very unlikely she will be distressed.

My niece just went through similar, although the dog was bought for her. She’s away at uni doing a very pressurised degree and didn’t come home for the dog being pts. As long as a familiar person is with the dog, I think it’s fine for you not to be there. I would say, tho, it’s the last good thing you do for your pet, so in future, you might need to consider what you’ll do. I’ve been there for every pet bar one when I was stuck abroad, including my horse. It was awful every time, but I felt I had to be there. Hugs for you, losing your dog is so hard.

I’m sorry but that’s horrendous. Please don’t get a pet. Imagine your pet’s last moments being in a strange place with a stranger, just to save your own feelings. So callous.

We had one of our dogs pts earlier this year. Honestly it was a privilege to hold him in his last moments and gave me much comfort. He was small so we brought him home and that really gave us the chance to say goodbye.

if you will be comfortable not making the journey, your parents will be with her, I think that would be fine.

Pretty sure vets are quite used to owners being unable to stay while their animal is being pts. Harsh to say never get an animal that’s loved and cared for but you shouldn’t get one if you can’t be there for that awful last moment! I imagine lots of people aren’t able to stay in the room. They normally have a pre pts injection that dopes them up so they’re barely aware.

I have never known anybody to dump their pet in its last moments. Absolutely horrendous and selfish

As a former vet, (20+ years) I can say that I never once had an owner not want to be there when their pets time came.

IF they hadn't, I would have judged them and felt really sorry for the animal.

As another former vet, I have had owners not want to be present. And I never judged them for it. It is a deeply personal decision, and no one deserves your opprobrium for not wanting to be there.

I do think it's the final act of kindness we can do for our animals - I've been there at the end and they really do look for their humans

Exactly this.

Seems like a 4hr drive is a a very small thing for what the dog has given you.