To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

[salair]

My parents dog is going to be put to sleep soon. We got her when I was 16 and living at home.

Now she is aged 9, she has an incurable illness and so will need to be PTS.

So she was not quite a childhood pet, but was there during my college years and then every university holiday period. I also had another year with living with her during covid. I very much think of her as “my dog” rather than “my parents dog”. I really think I am one of her favourites too… 😓

I now live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. Would I be unreasonable not to go and be there when the vet administers the dose?

I've never been there when any of my pets were PTS. I know it sounds awful but I couldn't cope and don't want that to be my final memory of them. My DH has been there for a couple of our cats but he isn't a fan of them it just made me feel better that someone was there. I feel it's more important that their last mins are peaceful rather than the stress of me being distraught around them so I stay at home. I still don't cope well but being there would make me feel worse so I don't. I don't do funerals either for the same reason. You need to do whatever saves your sanity.

I voted NotBU if you choose not to go. Grieving of any sort is completely subjective and NO ONE should ever make you feel guilty for your personal choice in the matter. The dog knew your love, this doesn't affect or change that. ❤️

Animals do not look around for their owners. Anthropomorphic bullshit to make people who are losing their pets feel guilty as well as grieving their loss. Stop perpetuating that myth

Couldn't be more wrong. One of my (adult) kids had a pet that unexpectedly needed to be pts. I raced in to the vet thinking at least there would be someone familiar in case they couldn’t get there in time. The poor thing was absolutely on deaths door (at a vets, an issue the vet said could be managed expecting discharge the following day). Was lying on me, couldn’t open their eyes, so sick. They heard the voice coming down the corridor, opened their eyes, pricked up the ears and by god, they looked happy and like a different animal. Handed them over, and they looked at them, gave a few licks, nuzzled in, then went back to being half dead, and were put to sleep in the loving arms they wanted so much. It’s important. Of course my (adult) child was absolutely distraught but that’s part of pet ownership. If they had of said they couldn’t do it I would have been pretty disgusted.

As long as someone ie one of your parents is with her then no you don't have to be there. But she deserves better than to be left with just the vet and vet nurse.

OP, you really should be there.
When I read your first post I was on the fence, but after reading a followup post where you said you didn't want to be there because you'd be too emotional...this is for your dog, not you.
One of my cats had to be pts during covid and I was absolutely devastated that I couldn't be there at the very end, although the compromise was that I could hold her close in my arms in the car for the first injection...sedative. It still haunts me that I wasn't there right at the end.
The second cat I had to have pts I was there throughout, and, although it wasn't as straightforward and peaceful as it should have been.....the vet really struggled to find a vein for the final injection and had to go through her kidney instead...it was so important to be there.
PTS isn't always straightforward and peaceful, pets don't always just drift off to sleep, which is all the more reason why it's so important to be there for their final moments.

Agree
Some of the people, who are commenting on here, haven’t got a clue.I’m doubtful some have actually ever cared, looked after an animal.
The whole point of caring for a pet, is that you’re with them from the beginning to the end.
As you know, when an animal is put to sleep, it’s humane and a peaceful release.It shouldn’t be about the owner, it should be about the animal.

4 hour drive is nothing here. I would usually say it's fine as long as there is someone they love and trust there however reading your posts i feel like you'll regret not going.

I had to do it for my old girl last year, glad i could be there for her as she had for me all those years.

It's absolutely not bullshit.

We lost our little cat last year - she deteriorated in the night and when we went down, she was just laying there, barely alive. But when she heard us, her ears pricked up and her eyes opened. She died less than 10 minutes later. I firmly believe she was holding on for us.

They may not know they're being put to sleep, but they absolutely do know when they're unwell and dying. It's been well documented.

Am so sorry OP . It is such a hard act of kindness that we have to do more often than not.
If you can’t bear to be at the vet maybe just spend a day at home with the doggie.
My adult son couldn’t face coming with me which I fully understood . He spent the day with her and wrapped her in his dressing gown …her favourite comfort,and brought her too my car . My other son did come with me and drove the car .
It’s so hard loving our pets so much 😣

Be there - the dog might be scared and looking for reassurance - you can be that for them. It is the last thing you can do for them

I don't think it's selfish, some people would not cope. I've done it with each dog but was quite relieved that the RVC wouldn't let me be present when my first horse was pts. It's an awful experience and for the animal, no worse than a GA, none of which I was present for if they needed surgery. Bit horrible to say how awful people are if they'd be hysterical or unable to cope.

Op you will regret not going but won't regret going.

I've been with all of my animals even childhood ones when they passed and I wouldn't have it any other way when it's possible.

The love they show is is immense and seeing them out is an honour

Your parents will be there though won't they? They always look for us when it's happening. I wouldn't stress about being there if someone else is.

You completely miss the point. Your pet reacted to a voice and looked for that. Had your child not arrived, they would not have looked for them.

I will keep on repeating, it is a personal choice and no one is either right or wrong in their decision whether to be there or not. And no one deserves judgement for their decision.

Why would someone be hysterical and not cope, that’s your assumption.
Whatever the original poster decides to do, her parent(s) will be there.It’s more a case of coming to terms with the loss afterwards.

Will your parents be there? If so don't feel bad if you don't want to go. If the dog would be alone with vet as your parents won't be there then I think you should go. The dog should not be PTS alone.

Nah, this is a hill I’ll die on. Selfish, selfish, selfish. Imagine being scared and with a stranger as you die. Horrendous. It is your final responsibility as a pet owner.

I would not want my parents to go through this, without my support. Let alone the dog, who had been a fairly big part of your life, and remains so when you are around. Dogs give us so much, and to opt out at the last minute, is a cop out, in my opinion, four hour drive or not. I could not live with a decision to not be there.

OP has mentioned, it’s her parent’s dog, her parents are caring for him/her, but feels she has a close bond.
@salair you’re making this about yourself, if you can’t be there, your parents will be there.
Your post is actually misleading, the dog isn’t yours it’s a family pet, who’s living with your parents.Posters are assuming, the dog will be put to sleep on their own, there’s no reason to believe this, because your parents will be there.

Where did I say the op would be hysterical?! I’m sure you’re aware I meant anyone, generally, not a specific person who I don’t know. I would not say that someone (anyone!) is selfish and horrible for not being there, particularly if they (generic they) would not cope.

I was with my darling elderly dog when she was put to sleep. After all those happy years together holding her and feeling her last heartbeat seemed like the last thing I could do for her. In the following sad months that was a huge comfort for me and I think helped me accept that she had gone.

Everyone should do what feels right for them at the time.

My mum was away when her dog was PTS and I took him in and stayed and it was horrible as he struggled! I’d advise not to.

If your parents are with the dog then that’s ok, but it is wrong to leave dog with the vet.

@Cherrysoup apologies, l misunderstood what you were saying, got the wrong end of the stick👍

Selfish