To not be there when my dog is put to sleep?

[salair]

My parents dog is going to be put to sleep soon. We got her when I was 16 and living at home.

Now she is aged 9, she has an incurable illness and so will need to be PTS.

So she was not quite a childhood pet, but was there during my college years and then every university holiday period. I also had another year with living with her during covid. I very much think of her as “my dog” rather than “my parents dog”. I really think I am one of her favourites too… 😓

I now live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. Would I be unreasonable not to go and be there when the vet administers the dose?

DS and DDog absolutely adored each other however DS was away at university when the dog became very ill and had to be PTS at very short notice. Both me and ex-DH were with our dog at the vets and stayed with him until the end. DS was obviously devastated but knew that we couldn’t let the old boy suffer until he could get home.

I think as long as there is someone familiar at the vets with your family dog then if you really can’t face being there, then don’t go. DS has his memories of DDog that aren’t marred by seeing him PTS.

I posted before I saw your update. I think based on that you should go. For yourself as well as for her.

It's always very hard, but we get through it in the moment because of the love we have for them. It's okay if there are tears, that's perfectly normal. We do our best to stay as calm as we can for them in the circumstances and reassure them as much as we can. And we take a whole bunch of tissues. Of course it's going to be very hard. But, yeah. I think after the dust has settled you would be glad that you did.

I think you should be there - you will regret it if you don't go.

Someone needs to be with the dog. I read an article by a vet yesterday who said that any dog that is left by its owners always dies staring at the door, looking for them.

Go, you'll regret not being there. Our pets are family, you wouldn't not go and be with a loved one for the last minutes of their life. A day in your life is nothing!

OP, please be there. Vets say that in their final moments, the dog will look around for his/her loved ones. He needs you there to send him on his way.
You don’t have to watch the process. Just look into his beautiful eyes, cuddle him, tell him he is the best boy in the world.

Gosh I am crying and my beautiful lad is only 4.

I think it's more important to pay a little more to have the vet come to your home to put to sleep in a familiar environment with your parents.

Would it help you if you organised or paid for that?

I would go if possible. I would also highly recommend getting a mobile vet to pts in the home too. We had our elderly cat pts earlier in the year and we were all there as a family. He went peacefully to sleep and with us all stroking him and although it was obviously upsetting it was the best ever way he could have gone and it brings me a lot of comfort.

Wouldn’t you want your dog to feel loved by his favourite person in his final moments?

Our vet came to the house when it was time for my boy to be PTS. I had him lying on my lap and cuddling him whilst he drifted off and the vet stayed with me for about half an hour to ensure he was definitely gone and she was so lovely and kind, even though I could hardly speak for sobbing.

If the dog is that happy to see you, and you can manage the journey, I think you should go. One last joyful time for the pet.

Plus in future you won't have that nagging feeling that you should have made the effort.

As long as someone she loves is there, then it doesn’t matter if you are there too.

Staying with your pet is a very personal choice and many people can't stay for many different reasons.
The majority of vets and nurses massively disagree with this article as it is:
a) not true I never see pets wildly looking around for their owner we reassure them and cuddle as if they were our own and the settle.
b) it creates a huge amount of emotional pressure on people who are already struggling.

I recently read that dogs look for their owners when they are being put down, so it is important that the dog is accompanied by the person they most think of as their owner/carer. I think the question is, will the dog be looking for you or your parents? Sorry about your dog.
https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/pets-are-scared-and-look-around-for-their-owners-in-dying-moments-brokenhearted-vet-reveals-a3931961.html#:~:text=A%20%22broken%2Dhearted%22%20vet,them%E2%80%9D%20in%20their%20dying%20moments.

I really do think that you'll regret not being there for him if you don't.

I've never been around them when they had been PTS. I take them to the consulting room, explain why, sign the papers etc. and just say goodbye then. I let the vets do the actual deed.

This is not true it's just a load of anthropomorphic rubbish made up.for clicks. Dogs don't have that level of awareness. Lots of vets dislike going to the vets which is a different issue. They certainly don't know they are being put to sleep. It's a quick and painless process.

Dogs will pick up on all the emotion and stress portrayed by their owners. A few tears is fine but sometimes people get completely hysterical which is definitely not helpful in a peaceful passing.

I'd go - it would be worth the travelling for me to be able to think that I might have made her last day one of 'Oh, great, my Salair is here'.

If you don't go OP will you wish you had in future?

@DinosaurMunch Anyone who has had a close relationship with a dog will know that for many dogs proximity to their owner is incredibly important so I can totally imagine that dogs, separated from their owners will look for them. There is a connection.

In this OPs case the dog isn't constantly with her so I don't think that applies.

You have to be there for the dog won’t she be looking for you ?

Im not a “crazy dog person” . Although I do have dogs . You have to put your emotions to the side and it will be very hard but you have to be there for the dog who is yours and you are hers.

Im sorry for you OP but also your poor dog.

🩷

Go. Spend a few days with your dog and take a lot of photos and videos. Fill her last days with happiness and make good memories for yourself. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t see her again.

For me I had to see my dog one last time. She lived with my parents. I got her during high school but moved away for university. My parents’ house was her home so she stayed there. She loved them and they loved her. When the time came we were one day away from driving to them for her to be PTS when my dad rang to say that she’d died. I wish we’d gone the previous week. As soon as we could we got in the car and drove the 5 hours to get there that day. Being able to see her, touch her and be there for her burial helped to give me closure. It’s been 16 years but even now I’m tearing up.

I'd go.

But you have to do what is right for you.

This bit makes me think you should be there her. She loves you and you would bring her comfort and joy at the end, which will make you feel good about the last part of her life.

But of course if you can’t be there, you simply can’t be there, and there’s no guilt or shame in that.

Eight hour round trip for you, parents will be with her - you don’t need to go. If its a gradual decline, she’s not suffering, you could have a last visit and enjoy one another’s company for the weekend if you want to.

Ideally, the animal should, imo, have a loved one with them. My heart still aches at the memory of having to hand over a v dearly loved dog to the vet during the first lock down. As long as she has one of her people, it does not have to be you.

Of course you should go. It’s about them not you