Dubious about a wedding photo

[blushroses6]

Hi, not really sure how to feel and have no one irl to discuss this with so hoping for some thoughts! Will try to keep it short.

DP went to a friends wedding a few weeks back, it was mid week, there were no kids allowed and it was a short plane journey away so I didn’t go as we have a toddler and 6 week old. I knew a girl was going to be there that he had previously spoken to although nothing physical had ever happened apparently. When I was pregnant with our first, a text from her popped up asking if he wanted to play an online game, I thought it was odd but he said they played prior to us meeting and he hadn’t spoken to her while we’d been together. I was a bit dubious that anyone would text so out the blue but accepted it, although had a snoop at her fb/insta and saw that he had liked all of her pics, which were primarily selfies.

Anyway, fast forward to today. The groom shared a post from the photographer who had shared 10 images from the day. I was flicking through them and out of all the people who attended this wedding and all the photos that must have been taken, one of the images shows her and DP dancing. The photo is just of them and while it looks more like regular dancing than slow dancing, he is beaming looking at her, her hand very close to his as if they’d just let go holding hands. Looking at it anyone would think they were a (very happy) couple.

AIBU to not be suspicious if anything further happened and/or to just feel a bit sad?

Is there any back story between them? Did they previously date?

he probably fancies her

I’d be hurt. Especially with a 6 week old baby - it’s a vulnerable time.

You need to talk to your DP. He’s not acting at all well at the moment. When you’re 6 weeks post-partum, he should be protective and helpful to you, not flying off to weddings leaving you to cope while he dances the night away.

How do they know each other? Old friends from a school friendship group and id say this isn't weird, it's easy to be old friends with someone and not speak for months but have a great time when you all meet up.

Thank you for your replies. My emotions have been all over the place this time round postpartum so struggling to know how to feel! The bride and groom are the mutual friends, so the two of them would’ve maybe met only a couple of times before at social events.

I would sit down and talk to him about it.

Gently, I think you are reading too much into this. He probably was enjoying dancing with her - people dance at Weddings and dancing is fun. That's what the photo captured. That's all. This woman is an acquaintance.
Whilst you both must have thought it was a good idea for him to represent you both at the Wedding it probably wasn't. He is needed at home.

You are not being unreasonable to feel sad or even disappointed. I’m surprised he even went and left you at only 6 weeks pp with a toddler. Has he been regularly calling and checking in? If I were you, I’d be downloading this photo, resending it to him and letting him know you two need to talk when he gets home. I’d then switch off my phone until he arrived. Even if nothing happened, I’d feel like he embarrassed me in front of mutual friends by being so overly familiar with another woman in public. It would feel like real slap in the face, especially with you at home looking after his kids. I’m sorry.

Have you spoke to him?

At best, he was flirting with another woman in front of people who know you, while you were stuck home with his babies. Yuck.

Did he offer to stay home? He should have. They're his kids too.

Never, ever, dismiss your own intuition.

Do not allow him to minimise and downplay this. Have a frank discussion and pay very particular attention to his responses.

Don't allow him to play the DARVO card. At minimum he has embarrassed you and made you feel rotten.

You are reading way too much into a photo which just shows him dancing and smiling at his friend's wedding. At weddings you dance with lots of people in big groups which are ever changing as people wander off and return, they aren't even holding hands in the photo and if they were it still wouldn't tell you anything as certain dances involve everyone handling hands with everyone.

The last wedding I went to, had the photographer happened to be around at that time, they could have caught me dancing next to and smiling at probably 30 different people half of whom I don't even know the names of or having, what a still photo would make look like, an intimate conversation with fifteen different blokes - in reality awkward 'hi nice to meet you partner-of-someone-i-went-to-the-hen-do-with' or 'i haven't seen you since we were at school, what have you been up to?' conversations where we were physically closer than you'd normally be to a stranger due to trying to be heard over the music. I wasn't flirting in any of them, just having fun celebrating my friends wedding with a bunch of people who also wanted to do the same thing.

You were presumably fine with him going to the wedding alone. You can't then complain about him enjoying himself celebrating the wedding when he's there.

Why are you so triggered by a normal, standard comment?

Actually, don't respond. You have nothing relevant to say to me, clearly.

The photo from the wedding sounds nothing like the situation you've described. I seriously doubt everyone was dancing in a large circle, holding hands or not. @blushroses6 knows her husband's facial expressions, and can see he's had more contact than he has let on.

OP, there's no way I'd have been okay with him being a flight away while I was alone with a toddler and a 6-week-old. He needs chewing out for that alone.

The photo from the wedding sounds nothing like the situation you've described. I seriously doubt everyone was dancing in a large circle, holding hands or not. @blushroses6 knows her husband's facial expressions, and can see he's had more contact than he has let on.

OP, there's no way I'd have been okay with him being a flight away while I was alone with a toddler and a 6-week-old. He needs chewing out for that alone.

I voted YABU but you are NOT unreasonable to be feeling emotional and a bit insecure. You can have any feelings you feel, and it's very normal to be fragile so soon after birth. Congratulations, by the way!

It would've been better for him to have given the wedding a miss, but we do feel obliged to help our friends celebrate if we can, so I understand him going. I don't see that you have any reason to suspect dodgy goings-on with this girl.

How bout take it as verification there's nothing to hide? Doesn't seem likely newly weds gony select photo with anything/anyone who could upstage/steal the attention from them. Surely.
He would look proper strange ,dancing with a face like fizz!

OP life is too short to stay with someone you clearly do not trust.

The wedding picture on its own wouldn't concern me, it's the social media likes that would (unless he's consistently like that with others, too).

So during your first pregnancy (or before) he and this woman reestablished their connection, which has continued and grown, as he’s been liking all of her selfies. They get on well and clearly share a mutual attraction and validation.

They were having flirty fun together at the wedding, where he was beaming at her while dancing and they were probably holding hands. Meanwhile, you were alone at home caring for his toddler and baby.

This would sting me, @blushroses6. It would be a blow and a betrayal. They were acting coupley in public, for all and sundry to see, making you an object of gossip and pity. How dare he.

Personally, I’d be checking his phone, because there would have been a build-up to the wedding behavior. He’s been investing. I’d print the photo, present it to him, and tell him in no uncertain terms that (1) I’m not prepared to be made a fool of and (2) he has much to lose if he doesn’t distance himself from her.

I would feel uncomfortable with this too. You are not unreasonable to feel that way.

You need a conversation, who is this woman and how does she fit into his life?
Is there feelings there?

His reaction will be telling, he should be reassuring and open. If he becomes defensive and non communicative I would be concerned.

I think I’d keep quiet and get hold of his phone to see what contact there has been before the wedding and possibly after too. It will be telling.

I really wouldn't be happy with this at all. Completely with you on this one OP. Would definitely confront. X

Tbh This would cause me major problems and now a days , no doubt be the end for me .

He chose to leave you he could have behaved himself and shown respect.

Id feel everyone was talking and I’d be embarrassed . I wouldn’t have done this to an other half so wouldn’t expect that in return especially in your circumstances .

You were left holding the babies while he’s dancing the night away with another women and one he is in contact with secretly . I’d also say he fancies her and hopes something would happen . Did it ? Is a question you need to ask. Another questions is can you trust him ?

Honestly I don’t think I would .

I think it’s fair enough for you to feel vulnerable. You had a baby 6 weeks ago! He should be at home looking after you

You say that nothing physical happened between them " apparently " when they knew each other in the past. But you really don't know.

Then they re -ignite their friendship when you are pregnant and your DH has shown all the signs of finding her physically attractive by liking her selfies.

Then he is happy to leave you at home to cope with his 6 week old baby and a toddler while he enjoys himself and socialises with this woman.

Yes I think you have every reason to be concerned and upset and angry by his behaviour. He isn't acting like a committed partner and father.

Yes you should be talking to him about his disrespect of you. This relationship with this woman has all the signs of escalating.