Dubious about a wedding photo

[blushroses6]

Hi, not really sure how to feel and have no one irl to discuss this with so hoping for some thoughts! Will try to keep it short.

DP went to a friends wedding a few weeks back, it was mid week, there were no kids allowed and it was a short plane journey away so I didn’t go as we have a toddler and 6 week old. I knew a girl was going to be there that he had previously spoken to although nothing physical had ever happened apparently. When I was pregnant with our first, a text from her popped up asking if he wanted to play an online game, I thought it was odd but he said they played prior to us meeting and he hadn’t spoken to her while we’d been together. I was a bit dubious that anyone would text so out the blue but accepted it, although had a snoop at her fb/insta and saw that he had liked all of her pics, which were primarily selfies.

Anyway, fast forward to today. The groom shared a post from the photographer who had shared 10 images from the day. I was flicking through them and out of all the people who attended this wedding and all the photos that must have been taken, one of the images shows her and DP dancing. The photo is just of them and while it looks more like regular dancing than slow dancing, he is beaming looking at her, her hand very close to his as if they’d just let go holding hands. Looking at it anyone would think they were a (very happy) couple.

AIBU to not be suspicious if anything further happened and/or to just feel a bit sad?

Being trustworthy is the most important part of any relationship.

Being trusting usually follows naturally when a partner is trustworthy.

I can't believe it too. You have a tiny baby and toddler, surely he needed to be there for you all.

The photo doesn't mean anything. It could be the angle. It could be the photographer shouting "smile and dance" at all the dancers. Who knows.

The problem is that he thought it was ok to go abroad at all leaving you holding a new baby. That's bad.

I'd be all over his phone checking that out as there will be prior comms on it.

Does he just get pally with this woman when you're, erherm, unable to have sex?
Do they hook up so he can scratch an itch?

I'd be all over that phone in all communication forms and photos going way way back through the last pregnancy too...

I’d be concerned too.

I’m all for encouraging time apart with friends and relaxing, but no way would I expect my husband to leave me with a toddler and a newborn to go off on a jolly overseas. Perhaps if he was brother/best man, but not a mutual friend. Presumably he used annual leave to take time of work too. I’d be pissed off in your shoes. The photo adds another layer to your concerns.

You refuse to accept that everyone does not think like you? Now that is a sheltered way to live. Good luck.

It is a bit batshit, though isn't it?

I'm sympathetic to the first half of the post (that it's disappointing that he went away at all) and I'm also sympathetic to the OP's concerns re social media likes (if he doesn't do the same on other people's pictures).

What I think is nuts is the idea that dancing with someone, other than your partner, at a wedding is "overly familiar" or "embarrassing". I danced with various people at my own wedding - on its own, it's normal behavior.

on its own, yes. coupled with text contact and him liking every single one of her selfies, unlikely to be that innocent.

men do not like photos of women unless they fancy them (or they're related to them)

Yes, I agree there are enough pink flags that I'd be concerned in OP's position. I just agree with the PP who was shocked that people think like the below:

If I were you, I’d be downloading this photo, resending it to him and letting him know you two need to talk when he gets home. I’d then switch off my phone until he arrived. Even if nothing happened, I’d feel like he embarrassed me in front of mutual friends by being so overly familiar with another woman in public. It would feel like real slap in the face, especially with you at home looking after his kids. I’m sorry.

Many comments just focussing on the wedding photo and not taking into consideration the fact that he’s ‘liking’ all of this woman’s selfies! That’s hugely disrespectful to the OP and a cause for concern imo!

OP, taking everything into consideration, I’d be upset about this too!

Does your DH make a habit of ‘loving, liking, etc’ everyone’s posts on SM, or is it just this woman’s posts/selfies?

And that mixed with the wedding photo, would start setting off alarm bells!

men do not like photos of women unless they fancy them (or they're related to them)

What an absolute load of rubbish 🤣🤣

That might be true for some but to say this as a statement of fact for all men is laughable.

No no, I was talking about you. I refuse to accept that you’d actually turn your phone off and refuse to speak to your husband because you happened to see a totally non-contextual photograph and without even speaking to him, you’d send an accusatory text and then refuse to speak to him over it 😂
If true, and it is how you’d behave, I feel for your husband quite frankly

Thanks for your response. You have misunderstood. I suggested she switch her phone off so she didn’t receive any more photos which may upset her when she is alone, isolated and dealing with a newborn. Better to wait until he’s home to have an adult conversation.

So you think dancing at a wedding is misbehaving and disrespectful? So many posters on here seem to think a man in a relationship should never smile near or talk to a woman. It's bloody controlling.

Why are you choosing to only pick that out of everything from that comment ?

Obviously there is nothing wrong with a married man dancing with a woman platonically! That’s not what the poster said, they are saying dancing with a woman that he clearly fancies.

My opinion is that I wouldn’t be happy with my DH going to a wedding and dancing and having all happy times with a woman he used to have a thing with and liking all her photos… he obviously has spoken to her whilst being with OP other wise she wouldn’t of reached out after OP had first baby.

@blushroses6, how are things going?

I'd ask him straight out in casual conversation. Do you want a cup of tea? Hey did you shag Sarah at the wedding?

I don't think you're being unreasonable to have doubts at all. The fact that he's been 'liking' all of her pics, and then you see them dancing together, and clearly having fun - we know our own partners moves, better than anyone else, so would be bound to recognise them with someone else. From that, I would then be moving on to thinking, how much did they have to drink, and I think it's highly likely that most of us have experienced that fun, drunken moment, when suddenly it turns into a kiss, and the next thing you know, you're doing the dirty. So in your shoes, I would be imagining all of this OP. I would definitely be telling him what I thought of the way he's disrespected you, in front of friends, having already taken advantage of your trust and good nature, in going to this wedding alone, while you cope with a toddler and new baby. He should have INSISTED on staying home and taking care of you and your little ones. Grrr! Just thinking about this is making me mad!

I would expect my husband to choose to not go to a wedding especially if we had such young children. I would also find it totally out of order for any future possible meet ups and especially playing games online together - how old are they seven?
I think you need a relaxed unemotional chat about how all this makes you feel and see what his response is. Good luck! Btw you sound a lot more understanding than me !

Def speak to him first before jumping to any conclusions

Him liking her selfies is him telling her that he finds her attractive, and she’s responding to that.

He really needs to think about his priorities and grow the fuck up.

That doesn't make any sense though - for one, the OP actively went looking through the photos and, secondly, the wedding was weeks ago so the OP is not alone or isolated.

Just ask him.

I wouldn't normally be suspicious of something this mild but it sounds like you have a gut feeling of some other cues you might be picking up so it's worth looking into.

Don't ignore your suspicions, just talk to him about it. It sounds innocent to me, but I'm not there and I don't know what else might be going on or what other things you might be noticing that you aren't yet able to articulate to yourself. That's why people rely on gut instinct. Trust it and open the conversation with him about it.

Trust me. He's cheating or wants to cheat. The married man I had an affair with liked all my profile pics.

I have a very good male friend. If I'd seen him at a wedding my DH couldn't attend, we'd probably have kept each other company. And yes the photos would have shown us laughing. However, I'd have mentioned it when I got back...