WWYD? Friendship turning weird.

[ForLoveOrMoney]

Hi,

I've had a male friend for many years. Over the years he's ranged from an acquaintance to friend and back again but never anything more. Never sexual, intimate, etc. I am 27, he is 42. I am a lone parent who had my DC 8 weeks ago. (NOT HIS DC). We were no contact until about 4 months ago because he gets very aggressive and abusive when he drinks and I got really uncomfortable being dragged into situations where I was being bullied and gaslit.

Anyways, we somehow got back in touch about 4 months ago solely via text. We met up in person again about 6 weeks ago when I had a dip post birth and was feeling really isolated. He offered to take me for a curry and I accepted. Since then we've met a handful of times but things have started to get really uncomfortable again.

For example, he has started referencing my DC as "our DC", he constantly goes on about her dad even though he's not on the scene, has subtly made comments about my parenting and how I'm doing things wrong or I'm smothering my DC with contact naps and not letting them get used to crying by cuddling DC all the time. In conversation he made suggestions about activities for a next meetbut then said things like we'll you can't swim, etc so it will have to be a pretty basic activity day. Over facetime, I was feeding DC who has a slight tongue tie and was shouted at for not knowing how to feed DC because I had to keep repositioning the bottle until she got the suck right.

He's also become a handsy when we meet up which has made me clam up and need to restate my boundaries, last weekend there was brief but obvious touching of my leg, moving really close so he's basically on my lap, etc. I felt really uncomfortable made my excuses and left. I replayed it over and over, then sent a brief text at 2am because I couldn't sleep just saying I appreciate the friendship and that he's been there for me recently but I wanted to make it clear wasn't interested in a relationship or anything if that was somehow his interpretation as the behaviour from him was making me really on edge and uncomfortable. He read the message and didn't reply until today (8 days later) which said "Here man you fucking slag, have you enjoyed taking the fucking piss out of me."

He's now blocked on everything and I'm never going to engage with him again but it's really upset me and I'm scared of any repercussions.

He is NOT a good man. Keep him blocked, and stay safe. Please do not let this man into your life. And make sure you have real life support in place, people who are aware of who he is and what he’s been doing recently. This is actually really disturbing, especially with how much older he is than you. So inappropriate and creepy. Look after yourself and your baby, and do not let this man around either of you

Keep him blocked , you've dodged a bullet there. Join some mother and baby groups and make new friends . You are doing great

This is the advice you need to take to keep yourself and your child safe.

Do not unblock or allow him to contact you again, ever. It doesn’t sound safe. As pp suggested, join some mother and baby groups to create a support network.

This man is giving massive creepy perv vibes. Run and don’t stop running. Never let him near your child ever.

You poor thing. Just what you need after giving birth and being by yourself with a newborn. Not. Well done for standing up for yourself and blocking. Don't engage ever again, even if he contacts you on a different number or account.

It's no surprise you feel shaken, take care and hope there's a decent friend or family members you can spend time with.

The friendship is over, keep him blocked and move on

He sounds very doggey and creepy. Do not allow him near you again. Keep blocked. So sorry. If he makes any attempt to contact you I would seek support from the police.

Bloody hell- that bloke is no friend.

Keep him blocked.

Oh, and save that message- just in case he tries to escalate things (I don’t think he will, now you’ve told him it’s not happening).

^
He sounds dangerous considering how volatile and predatory he has behaved towards you.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What an utter wanker. He sounds utterly unhinged, calling the child his.

He sounds really really creepy

I'm just honestly kicking myself for being so stupid to re-engage with someone who pretty much bullied me none stop most weekends. There had been a family bereavement, I'd just given birth and wanted to feel human and grab a coffee with someone, which makes me sound pretty pathetic.

The handsyness and the weird behaviour (other than finding ways to criticise and question myself) is really new though, he's never tried anything or expressed any form of interest in dating or whatever before. So I really don't see it being a case of he's male he just wants to get in your knickers thought as I have known him a couple of years with some of that NC. Even when we started chatting again, it wasnt flirty or anything other than catching up chit chat. It just seems to have come on since I had my baby the past few weeks.

But what's scaring me is the weird behaviour but also the weird constant comments about my DC being "ours". They aren't his, they've never met, he had no presence during my pregnancy, my relationship with their dad, nothing. I'm just so confused but also worried.

Could I of done something to provoke this switch up in behaviour?

You did nothing wrong , don't doubt yourself

You did nothing wrong! This man is a lunatic.

You did nothing wrong. This man has a whole host of issues and is bad news! He sounds dangerous frankly. He's already been bullying, controlling, and inappropriate with you. I dread to think how his behaviour would escalate if you remained in contact with him. He is the last thing you or your baby needs right now. Thank heavens you have blocked him. Keep him blocked!
Focus on creating a calm stable life for you and your child. Get involved in local mums groups and build up your friendships that way.
I mean this kindly, you also need to work on your boundaries and understanding of healthy relationships/friendships. This man was awful to you before, why did you think it would be ok to be involved with him again?

He is a predator. You are only 27 for g sake

He sounds like a total creep. Block him and don't engage with him again. Get out and about with your little one and go to mum & baby groups and meet some other mums, it's lonely looking after a baby on your own. You don't need this awful man in your life!

You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong.

He has shown his true colours. Any time he has been "nice" to you in the past has been so that now you will ask yourself if it's your fault, if you've done anything wrong.

No-one in my life has ever said anything as abusive as "Here man you fucking slag, have you enjoyed taking the fucking piss out of me." Abusive, abhorrent, unacceptable. You are done. It's all his fault

I mean this man is no friend, sounds horrendous and OP needs to protect herself and her child from him but I have very good male friends I’ve known for 20 years and they definitely don’t want to shag me!!

This man is insane. Block him on everything, move on with your life and concentrate on your wee girl.

Believe me he definitely wont be getting unblocked or any response from me moving forward. It's annoyingly making me feel stupid though. Like I feel really stupid getting myself into a situation like this due to a brief moment of isolation. I have done extensive work on myself over the years though, I have boundaries, i have self esteem and respect for myself, i want and do my best to make life better, I end relationships at the drop of a hat when boundaries have been crossed. That's why I'm so annoyed for disregarding multiple red flags for someone I've not even slept with and who isn't even an actual friend.

I shouldn't of really responded to the initial message 4 months ago anyways. It was simply because I wanted someone to talk to and exchange pleasantries with. I was on early mat leave, had some brief health concerns during pregnancy, my uncle had died and I didn't really have any interaction with people. So when he got on touch it was naively nice to have someone to exchange "how's your day been" with.

I guess I feel like it's obvious now that he reappeared at a pretty vulnerable time for me so he's slipped through the net.

The scary thing is too is that I'm also questioning if the gender of my baby or even my baby in itself has caused his switch up in behaviour.

Like, has he in someway attempted to try and prey on my baby?! I could be wayyy off the mark but the comments about DC, the fact he's predatory only since their birth, etc... maybe I'm going down a wormhole here and trying to scare myself.

Omg that sounds seriously terrifying. He's a massive wrongen without a doubt. Referring to your baby as "ours" is crossing a line and he's making it clear he's a weirdo. Don't ever speak to him again! You must be going through it I completely empathise with you and the loneliness, I'm around the same age with a baby and it's hard. But seriously - don't let him back in again. Has he been to your house?