To think that most people aren’t genuinely nice?

[DreamyPearlPeer]

I often find myself questioning the true nature of people’s kindness. It seems that many acts of kindness are motivated by self-interest or social expectations rather than genuine goodwill. AIBU to think feel that, in general, most people aren’t as nice as they seem?

Do you include yourself in that OP?

I know a good few really genuinely nice people.

Some people are genuine. I don’t normally expect anything in return for what I do for others (those others are few and special to me) nor do I publicise act of kindness (such as charity donation, gift contribution) I never write my name.
Do you have examples?

I’ve seen examples where people seem to offer help or do favours with the expectation of something back, whether it’s recognition or a favour in return. It can feel less like genuine kindness and more like an unspoken transaction. I’ve experienced this in both social and professional settings, where someone’s ‘kindness’ is later brought up as leverage.

This reminds me of the friends episode about how there's "no selfless good deed". I do alot for other people so think about this a lot. (I know I sound like a nob saying that). And I do think it's right that there's no selfless good deed as even tho I really do want to help people when I do things for them (it's normally like having their kids or sending food if they're poorly, nothing massive) I do think that maybe it's the nice feeling I get for doing it, and how good I feel for making people happy that is the driving force. So maybe it's selfish, in a way

Most people are decent. If this is not your experience, then maybe you are mixing with the wrong people.

Sometimes it’s enlightened self-interest.
Sometimes it’s for the warm feels.
Sometimes it’s out of a sense of duty.
Sometimes there are strings attached.

The first three are fine, that last one can feel pretty unpleasant though.

Self-interest doesn’t cancel
out the good.

There are some good people out there … mostly for me are true religious people… of any religion … who have a faith.

these have been the kindness… and for me they tend to be Christian… even thou I’m not of a Christian faith… i found a few within who are truly kind.

General the human is selfish … has to be taught to share… but everyone has a scale of sharing or kindness. Most are fairly selfish.

I do see lots of acts of kindness… in small things.. for example when I go to the supermarket.. the box for food bank is full! Of course we should never have food banks in the UK… it’s still nice for people to donate

I think there's a distinction between nice and kind.

@Guavafish1 interesting. The Christian church is where I’ve seen some of the most fake kindness.

I do tend to assume people are good until I see proof otherwise. I also think good people can be taken advantage of so there’s a balance.

I actually think most people are inherently nice, but tiredness, stress etc gets the better of them sometimes. And then you come across the gems, the people who go out of their way to help people, fix things, make things better. Sorry if you’re having bad luck at the mo op x

I was terribly ill for about 4 months with 3 young children and a husband who worked 60 hour week. No family to help
About 5 of my friends cooking for us for 4 weeks and looked after the kids. Never ever asked for anything in return. I will love them forever for it though.

Yes I have experience this and I tend to Avoid these people in the future and never ask them for help or help them in turn as it’s too much!

I work in a job where you see the worst of human life but I hang on to the belief that most people are good and nice and kind; that genuinely is my experience in life

That’s strange. I think most people I meet are genuinely nice. I actually think it’s rare to meet someone who is just an arse through and through, although of course they do exist. I do find that the most arsey people also tend to be the ones who are always searching for the nastiness in others, too…

Most people I know seem to be pretty decent.

Obviously there are exceptions, but the vast majority are mostly honest, mostly helpful and mostly kind. There are extremes at both ends: I know a handful of people who are truly, deeply, good, and who selflessly do a huge amount for those around them and for their community.

You have worded it perfectly. I want this on a tshirt.

I’m not saying there is no fakeness… there is plenty.

But for me… there have been a few lovely acts of selfless kindness… I’ve noted a very few true Christian!

There are genuinely nice selfless people but are few and far between. Most people look after no 1 myself included

I think there are very few (in fact probably none) truly selfless people yes.

But I think a lot of nice/genuinely good people are out there.

No one is 100% nice or not nice. We all have different ‘parts’ of ourselves. Even people that have committed the most heinous of acts will have done some nice things or have some good qualities and vice versa. There is an ‘us’ as in the ‘self’ and then there are our thoughts and feelings (which we can’t control, they come and go) and then there are our actions.

It's not necessary to feel goodwill to do the right thing. Sometimes, it's just the easiest, least stressful or automatic response.

I've not felt 'Oh, I must run to assist that poor man!' when I've seen somebody knocked off a motorbike - my internal narrative is more 'shit, shit, shit, shit' as I've pegged it across the roundabout in the hope that I won't get squished and then 'thank fuck for that' when not only was he OK, but a lorry driver chose to block the roundabout to make sure nobody came flying round.

Other times when somebody's stressing at work, I could tell them I'm bloody stressed as well and why don't they shove off and leave me alone, but I don't have the energy for it and it's less effort to listen and then say 'give me half of the inputting on Monday' and to do it than have the person completely collapsing under the strain of that extra task. Additionally, they feel a bit better after that conversation because they've not squashed it all up inside, they've managed to identify one of the things causing them stress, how it can be handled and that they've had a bit of help to complete it. So much easier to leave somebody feeling a bit happier than it is for them to feel that not only are they struggling, nobody gives a shit and aren't going to help them.

There are many reasons why people help or do 'something nice'. What really matters is the helping, not any underlying psychology of the act.

i think the problem is that people expect 'nice' people to be 'nice' all the time, and no-one is, people are nuanced, have good days and bad ones, have their own motivations and reasons for doing things, take to some people and not to others, can be kind and friendly, but also suffer compassion fatigue, and the only way to determine a 'nice' person is how their behaviour balances out when you view them as a whole.

I have known several truly good and kind people. They have all been Christians.