Heartbroken over porn use

[Cryingoverporn]

My husband and I had a very infrequent sex life. I found out that he was downloading hundreds of porn videos, whilst never having sex with me.

About a year ago we had a heart-to-heart, and he stopped watching porn and our sex life improved dramatically. However, over the last few months we are back to never having sex or hardly ever, and I looked at his laptop this evening ( he is at work), and he is downloading reams and reams of porn again.

I cannot compete with the girls in these videos. I’m reasonably attractive but I am 54 years old!! I feel absolutely heartbroken. He has experienced what a proper sex life is with me, as it was so good for six months, but he has obviously decided that he prefers the porn/other women, to me.

We have a great holiday coming up and lots of retirement plans, but I just feel absolutely done in, and I think for the first time ever, I’m actually truly ready to throw in the towel on our relationship over this. I cannot imagine going into retirement and being celibate, whilst he watches other women on a screen in another room.

Any advice? I feel fucking crushed. I think I need to move on. He’s had so many chances to put this right.

I'll have to wait and see if a) he brings it on holiday, and b) if we have more sex on holiday.

I'm not trying to be rude but how would that prove anything??

Of course he's going to bring it and of course he's going to try to up the sex frequency.

He knows he's in for trouble if he doesn't follow through on his "explanation".

Currently we're only managing about once a month!!

How have you been made to be celibate then?

He never searches for young women. It's always older women (GILF etc). That's at least one thing that's less grim.

It sometimes feels that way! I would like sex twice a week (at least), so when we go a month without, it's annoying. When he isn't working (on holiday), it gets better. His working pattern IS very tiring. Long shifts that keep changing. But still!!

@Cryingoverporn Oops sorry for assuming, it's just usually the young ones. That's one thing at least.

Surely there’s a lock on the bathroom door!

Yeah, there is a lock on bathroom door. But honestly, I really don't think he is wanking. I wfh, I think I'd know. He's not in there for very long. Could be wrong of course.

I’m confused. You didn’t know he’d been watching it for quite some time, so how would you know what he does while he watches it?

Your posts are increasingly helpful! 😂

His laptop lives in the lounge. I don't think he would wank in the lounge, where I could walk in at any moment. Also, the curtains are always open.

Once a month feels like celibacy to me! 😂

So many issues here with how it's playing out - watching porn with him isn't going to help either of you regain intimacy. If he was an alcoholic and you agreed to drink with him, it wouldn't help the issues.

Maybe it's time to get your ducks in a row after the holiday?