To ask what bedtime for a ten year old should look like?

[Yelloworangetomato]

Aibu to ask what bedtime for a ten year old should look like? What time? What kind of routine is ideal.

I ask because all sense of normality has gone out of the window, it would be helpful to hear from others.

Our year 6 needs a lot of sleep. She’s asleep by 8-8.30 on nights without clubs. We go up around 7ish, she get herself ready for bed. Then DH or I read to her and listen to her read. She still loves a cuddle. Sometimes she’ll stay up and read to herself or listen to music but generally asleep by 8.30 and she self regulates this. No need to tell her lights out, she knows when she’s tired.

On the nights she has clubs she’s not in bed until 9.30 and she’s exhausted the next day.

Up between 6.30-7 most mornings (regardless of when she goes to bed)

Really depends on the kid. My older child is younger than 10 but likes to read or listen to audio books on her own before sleeping, but her brother likes to have company to read (and he probably will at 9/10 too).

DS8 starts getting ready for bed at 8pm. Shower or bath which he does himself although still asks me to sit in the bathroom with him and chat (and I do supervise hair washing once a week) though I often use this time to tidy and put away washing. Then I read to him for around 20-30 mins and lights out is at 9pm, then he listens to (usually falls asleep to) audiobooks.

After a long day at work I’m often desperate for him to get to bed so I can finally sit down and I do sometimes think why am I still reading to him, but on the other hand I know he won’t want it forever and I’ll miss it when it’s gone. He’s not a great reader himself so at least me reading to him and the audiobooks get some quality fiction into him!

DS is 9 and tends to be around 8:30 these days. These late nights came round suuuuuper quickly, I thought we’d have a few more years of longer child-free evenings 😭

He has 2 younger siblings so we tend to do nice long playful bath, books with the baby (toddler), read and Yoto with 6 year old, DS will go off and do some piano practise or tidy his room at this point (he loves it lately weirdly!), then chill, chat, draw etc and we put a podcast on for him and/or he’ll read until he falls asleep.

Currently has the baby in bed with him as it seems they both need someone to fall asleep with 😅 he’s always been pretty high maintenance when it comes to sleep.

Up at 6:30 at the latest, often 5:30.

My son is 10.

We aim for him to be in bed for around 8pm on weekdays and he is usually asleep by 8.30pm.

He is a very early riser - up at 5.45am no matter the day!
He also does a lot of swimming in the week (Club swimmer so can be quite intense) so needs his rest.

Weekends can be a bit later but usually not much because of the time he gets up.

He does read a bit most nights - usually reads aloud to me a bit then to himself.

Pj's and brush teeth by 8.30, book read (1-2 chapters typically) then allowed an audio book or podcast set for 30 mins for dd1. Morning alarm was 7.15 at that age. Limited supervision for the getting ready bit, their dad always did the reading then I nipped up and sorted the podcast (dd1), asd and it helped her sleep.

My DD is ten next month. A parent takes her up to get ready for bed at 8:40, she gets changed and washed and parent reads her a few pages, lights out at 9 but she will put her audiobook on. She's had a lot of sleep issues when younger but this has been working for us for over a year. Her class did a discussion on sleep recently and she's one of the last ones who still get put to bed by a parent - if you believe what they say!

@soberfabulous

Not everyone gets up at 6am! Bedtime relates to wake up time

I guess it depends what ‘put to bed’ means. My 10 and 9 year olds take themselves upstairs, put their pyjamas on, brush their teeth and get into bed to read. I go in and say goodnight/have a chat/cuddle etc, then leave them to read. They switch their own lights off. Does that class as me putting them to bed or not?

@WiserOlderElf I would say no that's not putting them to bed, I would call that tucking them in. But yeah it is open to interpretation!

DD’s bedtime shifted later when she was 10. Now it’s roughly upstairs by 8.30, fannying about and reading until lights out at 9.45. However, she hates being upstairs on her own, so requires company/ chivvying. It sucks as it kills our evening as by the time we’ve finally said goodnight it’s usually 10, by which point I’m ready for bed myself!

How does everyone achieve these super early bedtimes? My kids just don't sleep like that and have never gone to bed before 10 since being tiny babies. It was never worth the hassle of the constant calling out, getting up, needing a wee, needing a drink etc and simply not being tired. Logically, I wouldn't go to bed if I wasn't tired. They are both performing ahead of expectations at school and my now 13 year old in particular does lots of clubs etc so it's not like they are exhausted and not coping. He is very seldom asleep before midnight now. I think being ND may be a factor for all of them. It's coming up to winter too when their sleep needs drop further 😫

My son goes ro bed 9pm most nights and reads until 9.30pm.

My 10yo still likes to read to us so on nights without clubs we go up at 7.30. Pjs on teeth etc. then she’ll read for a bit and say goodnight about 8. Usually asleep by 8.30-9. Some nights we don’t get in from clubs until after 8 so then it’s straight up to bed.
I have to balance her needs with that of my 8yo who will not go to bed at an earlier time than her sister but also needs more sleep hence the earlier bedtime than most 10yo

We don’t do anything to achieve it really, mine are happy to go to bed at 8.30 (lights out at 9) and tend to sleep until 7.30. They just seem to need a lot of sleep. They’ve never really got up after bedtime unless they’re ill.

I'm lucky if my 9 year old goes to sleep before 10pm. He's up between 6-7am every morning.

My 10 year old has had the same routine since she was 4. Up to brush teeth at 8, into bed at 8:15/8:30, read until 9:30. Quite often she is still awake at 10:30 though.

Most nights I read to her then she reads independently.

I know it seems late but she wakes naturally at 7 so it’s enough for her.

Ds can’t have showers or baths at bedtime as it makes him hyper and unsettled which isn’t entirely unusual with autistic dc. Once we realised this, bedtime became much easier.

In our house, we moved upstairs after dinner, around 7.30pm. Teeth, pjs and then I let the dc play together and horse around while I got on with either chores or worked in my bedroom. At 8 they were separated into their bedrooms to read, draw or play Lego. At 8.30 they needed to be physically in bed and I tucked them in. Sometimes one or other dc would want me to read or chat, when they separated into their bedrooms, but one way or another they were asleep by 9.

I think it depends on extra-curricular activities, which become later as they get older. My Ds (11) wouldn’t be able to get to bed super early most school days because of when he gets home from clubs.
He falls asleep somewhere between 9 and 9.30 listening to an audible book but is also always up by 6.30 by habit. I couldn’t get him to sleep in til 7.30 if I tried. So that very definitely dictates his bedtime.

The issue is twofold, firstly brushing teeth and getting pyjamas on seems to take almost 2 hours sometimes and I can't even work out how, she always gets distracted with some project she's desperate to get underway. I need to be better at keeping things on track. I feel guilty because I work full time and often weekends and she wants to spend time with me so I find it hard to insist on bedtime.

And once she's actually in bed often with me lying in next to her to read to her, she won't let me leave. Either I fall asleep first and wake up after she's dozed off too or if I try to leave I have to physically remove myself for her grasp. It's been like this since she was about 8 but it can't go on

If she’s getting distracted, can you do those things with her? Set aside 10 minutes and stand with her while she brushes her teeth (you could do yours then too to save time later).
and then help her (not do it for her, but prompt what do we do next to get our pms on. Eg take them out of the drawer/from under the pillow, do top first, then bottom etc).
she’s been allowed to get away with bad habits. I think as a parent it’s your job to put the boundaries in place and supervise to the extent she needs it until she doesn’t need it anymore.

drbeckyatgoodinside is a great parenting resource on social media.

or some OT sessions to drill into what’s happening for your daughter in this executive function area might be helpful.

and some support for you to know how to set reasonable boundaries while setting up your daughter for success can turn things around quickly.

it is ok for the current situation to not be working. There’s help out there and there’s no harm in seeking it.

Mine goes up around 8.30, showers, gets ready and is in bed by 9pm. She then reads until 9.30 when it's lights out. However she's often still rattling around at 10pm. On evenings when she has clubs she doesn't get home til 8.30, so everything is pushed back half an hour. She gets up between 6.30-7am for school.

She doesn't need any supervision from me, either she comes down for a cuddle and to say goodnight before getting in bed, or sometimes (often!) I'll go to bed at the same time as her, so she'll come for a cuddle in my bed and will 'tuck me in', which she absolutely loves.

mitogoshigg I hear you that not everyone gets up at 6, but most people seem to be up around 7 which is only an hour later but their kids are going to bed many hours later!

My understanding was that kids that age need 11 hours sleep or thereabouts. So it would seem a lot of kids are sleep deprived (even though we may say not.)

My friends who are teachers say this is one of their biggest challenges: the kids are exhausted in their classrooms....

beerformyhorses either my DH or myself reads to DD. We each pick a different book 🤪

We prep by getting the nightlight and bedside light on, I like to use a clip on reading light so the room is all cosy and then we read in the very dim light.

My DD is a passionate and independent reader but as long as she enjoys us reading to her at bedtime we will carry on. We take great pleasure in buying and choosing books that we will read together especially at bedtime.

Also: I enjoy doing the voices 🤪

germanbite my 5 year old was upstairs to bed at 630.

What can I say, my DD has a good stretch of sleep; is super rested and we enjoy an hour to ourselves once she's asleep.

It's a lovely calm routine that works for us.

I'm happy to be in bed myself at 9 with a good book 😃