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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what bedtime for a ten year old should look like?

78 replies

Yelloworangetomato · 28/09/2024 19:59

Aibu to ask what bedtime for a ten year old should look like? What time? What kind of routine is ideal.

I ask because all sense of normality has gone out of the window, it would be helpful to hear from others.

OP posts:
Straitjacketsandroses · 28/09/2024 20:31

We still read to our 11 year old. At ten (Year 6), it was up for teeth brushing at 8 (we often have football practice late and eat around 6:30/7pm), bedtime story 5-10 minutes and then reading to himself in bed until 8:30/9 depending on how tired he was

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 28/09/2024 20:32

My DD is 9.30 for bed. She has clubs 3 nights a week that don't finish until 8.30 so by the time we get home & she has a shower & some supper it's after 9 already. It does feel late but she gets up around 7.30-7.45 so still has a good stretch of sleep. Sometimes she will take herself to bed earlier on a non hobby night if she feels she needs it. Some of her friends are still in bed by 8pm though they're all different. At weekends she can stay up until 10 but often lies in until 9.30am if we have nothing on.

Namechangedforspooky · 28/09/2024 20:32

I feel like a bit of an outlier here but my 11yo goes to bed around 9.30-10pm on school nights and later at the weekend. It’s not changed since last year. Shes often in bed after me but she has late nights and early starts with swim training and doesn’t appear tired at all.

i think it depends on the child. My 5 yo goes to bed at 7.30-8 so it’s nice for the older one to have a bit of time after the younger one has gone to bed

Straitjacketsandroses · 28/09/2024 20:33

I should add we have always been up 6:45-7am latest on a school day which means I liked him asleep by 9ish. Now he’s in Year 7 it’s a similar time really - still story etc, but a little leeway for lights out (often 9pm)

Dartwarbler · 28/09/2024 20:33

Yelloworangetomato · 28/09/2024 20:08

How much supervision should be required at this stage? Is anyone reading to their 10 y/o

We’d always do reading with kids until they wanted to stop (around 11-13 years old) . They’d be downstairs though, on sofa, having a lovely cuddle by that stage.

Bed routine was TV/games box/ music got turned off, about 30 mins before bed time, they’d go up for their shower and manage themselves . They’d come down in pjs , we’d teeth inspect and shower inspect, 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣. Then 15 mins of reading together, then off to bed . I can remember reading our way through some great pre teen books. Sometimes they’d take book up with them to read another chapter on their own. I’d have to sneak rad a catch up before next evening.

after they got older, and they’d dropped the being read to, they’d listen to talking books loads in bed themselves. Youngest wasn’t a great reader but loved listening books. He still apparently listens to radio in bed age 27.

we were led by them, as to when the quiet time on sofa and cuddles stopped. My youngest still liked a cuddle before bed even at 14 and 6 foot tall 🥹🤗🥰. He’s still a hugger - all 6 foot 6 inches of him

don’t know how easy it is now, but we had no tv or computer in bedroom. But there weren’t mobile phones till their teens so didn’t have to manage that either. I think if I was a mum now I’d be taking them off them at bedtime or before.

lopdoo · 28/09/2024 20:35

A few months ago it was 8pm pyjamas & teeth, then read until 8.30. But he has ADHD and really struggles to switch off so I've found a 9pm bedtime has worked better for him (much later than my eldest or I had at that age!) but he doesn't seem tired in the day and he's falling asleep much quicker so I assume it's the right move for him. My eldest was likely in bed around 8pm at that age I think. Possibly 8.30.

Kneeslikethese · 28/09/2024 20:36

When they were that age, upstairs by 8.30 allowed to read till 9.
No real supervision except to shout upstairs to remind them to switch the light out.

Oceangreyscale · 28/09/2024 20:39

Mine is in bed by around 9 ideally but often not asleep until 10/10.30, he reads or has an audiobook and fiddles with lego

MissRachelismycoparent · 28/09/2024 20:39

Upstairs for 9 lights off for 9.30?

GermanBite · 28/09/2024 20:43

soberfabulous · 28/09/2024 20:19

My 11 year old goes up the stairs to bed at 715.

She brushes her teeth whilst we prep the story. One of us reads to her for about 20 mins or half an hour: lots of snuggles.

Lights out at 745/8 pm.

We are up at 6 for school.

Some late bedtimes here compared to ours!

This is my 5 year old's bedtime routine.

Phen0menon · 28/09/2024 20:44

Near 8 year old, bedtime 7.45, 8pm on friday/saturday nights.

He is usually upstairs around 7, has a bath or shower and reads in bed. Sometimes he comes and reads in my bed with me. Every so often i'll find something that i'll read to him and we'll have that on the go for a couple of weeks but mainly he reads a lot to himself.

I pop in & give him a bedtime hug & turn the lights out.

Shampine · 28/09/2024 20:47

BeerForMyHorses · 28/09/2024 20:25

That seems really early to me.

Also, just curious - what does 'prep the story mean' ?

A lot of kids this age won't have to be up before 7am though. 6am is a very early start.

69pbiryani · 28/09/2024 20:50

I don't read to mine but he loves to read to me. He goes up, toilet, teeth at 8ish, along with younger siblings. Reads to himself while we put the younger ones to bed. At 9pm likes to read aloud for 10mins or so. Then turns on an audible and we leave him be. Alseep by about 9.30pm

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/09/2024 20:52

My 7YO is up to bed at 8, asleep by 8.30 weekdays. Weekends are a bit more relaxed but we aim for asleep by 9. A 10YO needs about 10 hours sleep so 9-7 weekdays and 10-8 weekends is probably about right. I’d expect them to be independent getting ready for bed at that age, my 7YO is, but wouldn’t deny them being read a story if they really wanted one.

HazelBiscuit · 28/09/2024 20:53

I don’t read to my 10yos. I have one now and an older child.

By 8-9 years old I’m usually trying to convince them to stop reading their epic chapter book to go to sleep. We remind them to do their teeth (almost always done). Give a hug and kiss, tuck in (apparently mum tucks kids into bed better than anyone), turn out the light and walk out the door.

I did read or sing to my babies every night from about 3 months old until they were well into chapter books on their own. Probably around our third year of formal schooling? I tend to take their cues on bedtime. They go to bed a bit later than I would like but they seem to be coping well with it.

when my 10 yo is really tired sometimes she just puts herself to bed a bit earlier than usual and we go down to find her sound asleep. In my experience with two, less control is definitely more at this age if you’ve set them up with consistent habits from the early years.

what’s the conflict OP?

Ethylred · 28/09/2024 20:53

Whatever the 10 year old wants. This battle is not worth fighting.

WiserOlderElf · 28/09/2024 20:54

My 10 year old is in bed for 8.30 and reads until 9. No supervision required, but I go in for a chat/cuddle etc at some point in that half hour.

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/09/2024 20:56

GermanBite · 28/09/2024 20:43

This is my 5 year old's bedtime routine.

It’s pretty much my 3.5YO’s. Except I brush the teeth. And oh how I’d love to have him sleep past 6. Bought the flipping grow clock but all that means is bashing around his room from 6 until it turns green at 6.30. I can’t believe an 11YO is compliant with that but if it is true then I’m seriously jealous of all the adult time they must get!!

Tharshe · 28/09/2024 20:59

A nice relaxing bath or shower, followed by a glass of milk, pjs on, cuddles, last game of something, story and bed for around 8-8.30

Icanwalkintheroom · 28/09/2024 21:05

Shower, supper while listening to a story (still read to my 10 & 12yos), bit of a chat then teeth, loo & lights out around 8:30/9 ish (depends a bit on the evening & what clubs are happening but I usually have to work in the evenings so try for no later than 9).

WickerMam · 28/09/2024 21:11

I have a 10yo who doesn't seem to require much sleep! For a while I was aiming for lights out by 10pm but it has crept to 10.30, sometimes a touch later. He has not slept before 9 since he was a toddler - when we tried, he would just lie awake for hours. He has never been an early riser though.

He is an expert at delaying bedtime, so he does still beg for a story and this is something i enjoy. He reads on his own in the morning if he wakes up before 8am, and in the evening while I am doing a bedtime story for youngest.

WiserOlderElf · 28/09/2024 21:12

Oh and I don’t read to her anymore. I would if she wanted me to but she prefers to read to herself. She’s currently in bed reading Oliver Twist.

DilemmaDelilah · 28/09/2024 21:12

At my house for my grandson.... Bath at 7.30, leisurely and with company as he likes to chat. He doesn't have a bath at home, just a shower, so it's a bit of a treat.

Then teeth and jammies. He loves to read independently, but he likes to have a bedtime story. Once that is finished he can read to himself for a bit if he wants. Lights out at 9pm.

I am sure it is very different at home. I don't have him on a school night and he enjoys the comforting routine that happens at Granny's house. He has his own cuddlies in his bed here and he notices if any of them are missing. I think he quite enjoys being a little boy here. He has a choice as to what he wants and, at the moment, this is what he chooses (lights out time excluded!)

LiveLoveFuckEmAll · 28/09/2024 21:14

In bedroom by 7.30pm and lights out 8.30/9pm

DelurkingAJ · 28/09/2024 21:17

Depends on the child, surely? DS1 (nearly 12, massively a lark, always up by 6) is home by 8:30 from school (day boy at a boarding school…has to be fished out of an evening). Shower, PJs, milk , teeth then DH reads to him, asleep by 9:30.

DS2 (8, night owl) up for a shower and PJs at 7, dawdles, down for milk about 7:30, teeth, then someone reads to him until 8. And then he sings to himself…for ages…and is then grumpy when I wake him at 7:45 the next morning. Argh!